So I grew up with the kind of adults that needed me to be the adult while they got high/ pissed/ didn’t take responsibility.
I then fell into a Buddhist cult which encouraged me to take vows when I was 20 that I would never drink alcohol in my whole life lest I go to hell.
When I left the cult after ten years or so, I embarked on (what I thought was) another path of liberation by joining a 12 step -cult- group for over eaters this was quite a high demand group and although I found some interesting stuff out there and met some lovely addicts, I realised that it wasn’t working anymore and felt heavy and cult-like.
So that’s all of my twenties basically not partying/ drinking etc just trying to find “liberation”.
Just lately I have been (for the first time ever) having the odd drink. E.g one glass of Prosecco last weekend and I’ll probably have a drink this weekend because I’m going to a music festival.
It’s amazing how relaxed I feel, how much more fun I have with my friends, how much looser I feel just after one drink! I don’t have any inclination to drink too much because I’m a morning person and I can’t bear feeling groggy.
I’m a bit prone to depression so I would never push it or drink too much but it’s so liberating drinking in a measured way without shame or religious guilt- just because it’s quite nice every now and again.
Just because the adults around me were addicts it doesn’t mean that I need to carry that in my identity my whole life!
Anyway I just thought I’d post to sort of mark and celebrate being released from systems that are over the top and controlling.