To think sometimes the kids push on purpose until Angry Mum appears?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

I try to remain calm, understanding, quiet. I succeed some of the time. More than half.

But every now and again they push way further than I anticipated, for longer than I can bear. And the Dragon rages and I end up shouting.

It's sort of lighthearted - I certainly don't want to shout. I'm certain they would rather Calm Mum was a permanent fixture.

But sometimes I think they must have almost a masochistic side that just wants a shouting at.

P.s. before anyone suggests, they get whopping amounts of positive attention, reinforcement and time together. And they misbehave a small amount of times so in general I am lucky Mum.

Yes absolutely. I try and practice genlte parenting but my Lord, these guys bring out the shouty mum in me sometimes!

Mine definitely do that. I think they just like to make sure they're doing their job right!

My nearly 8 year old and I have a somewhat fractious relationship and he definitely pushes until I snap. Then he knows where the boundary is and feels safe, calms down and leaves me high and dry (and fuming!). I can't come down that quickly so it can result in some difficult days. But he pushes me for hours sometimes until I do snap. I do the whole connecting and giving thing many times first...

Yes yes yes. Omg. Here too. My 4 year old told me the other day when I was being shouty mum- “Mummy when you get cross you have to close your eyes, take a deep breath and count to 4.” I felt like the worst parent ever.

Since unleashing the Dragon they have gone and done what was asked of them 1 hour ago.

Maybe they need enrolling onto an SAS programme- then they can have 24hour shouts thrown at them.

Yep, I told mine that clearly she must like mummy shouting because when I use a normal and polite voice she ignores it. I also asked does she not know what happens when she ignores the nice mummy 🤷🏼‍♀️ We’ve been through that over and over again - easy to remember I would have thought!

Tomorrow is the first day of two weeks annual leave and I may or may not have
fucking did told them that if this is how they are going to be, then I will cancel my leave and go back to work.

Feel pretty shit about that comment now so when we chat in the morning I will explain why I said it.

Oh definitely
DH asked me not to shout at ds today to do something and could I not just ask him nicely! I had asked nicely 6 times previously and then had got increasingly cross and shouted.
Clearly DH had not been listening either

I'm always tempted to do the same when they ask me something but I don't have the discipline to not respond to repeated requests!!

Yes, they are testing where the boundary is.

Madness that they even need to test the boundary when it's something they are asked to do regularly with no dramas.

Maybe just "'re checking" the boundary.

So glad I'm not alone on this. Makes me feel properly shit afterwards and like I'm not as capable of staying calm as I think I am.

God yes and when I'm PMT I really do unleash the dragon as you say....I'm going to use that phrase from now on!

You are not in the least bit unreasonable, they know which buttons to push and by God do they push them. I'm an old woman now but I definitely remember this phase, I'm seeing it again with my grandsons and their parents, it takes a massive amount of self control not to bite back, but you're human and I love the phrase unleash the dragon. All children need to learn not to overstep boundaries it's a life lesson that some people never learn.

As I was shouting to them each in their respective bedrooms I did have a moment of realisation at how handy it is that their bedroom doors are at a 90° angle with one another and the doors themselves open out each side. So perfectly positioned that I could stand in both their view, without having to move, and shout at both of them.

Ever so convenient.

to a convenient layout for shouting!

I actually made myself hoarse the other day I shouted so loud...
I always complain that ds in particular saves his worst behaviour for me. I get told that this is because he feels safest with me. Christ knows why!

And I regularly feel really shit for getting angry. I thought I was a calm and patient person - then I had kids! Parenting has taken me to levels of feeling anger I didn't know I had...

I never found shouting effective - it shows that they’ve won and you’ve lost control.
I relied on a quiet menacing hiss, a death stare and an air of unquestioned authority! My sister, who was a teacher, said the same, but she had to use it professionally for 30 kids at a time - I just did it as an amateur parent with two!

I've tried the hiss.
Ive tried the "show me how good you are at this"
I've tried bribery
I've tried placid explanations
I've tried consequences

Turns out, sometimes, only rage fixes it.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz
Thank you for this post
Today I shouted at DD 4yo like a crazy woman. If you had told me pre kids that I was capable of talking to anyone like that... I am regularly told I'm too soft spoken but OMG when she whined for the 1000th time she didn't want her food I was like a crazy woman
I am feeling better after reading this...

I get "Mummy I don't like it when you shout"

Well stop doing things that make me shout then!

Not to mention that DS gets fully engrossed in something so it wouldn't matter if I danced the conga whilst offering ice cream and a trip to the toy shop. And I could live with that, particularly as I'm the same, but it's when he's apparently listening to you but has actually tuned you out that I get .

I've now threatened 5min of his tablet every time I have to repeat myself.

And ended up arguing with DP as well as he wasn't bloody listening either.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I full agree the hiss and the stare rarely work - they work in public now my boys are 8&10 because they know if they dont comply I might unleash the dragon in front of their friends and embarrass them! But at home.... sometimes rage is the only thing that works after everything else!

pushing the buttons, i remember a nursery nurse colleague when i regaled my story of shouting at my dd, telling me I shouldn't shout, well, der, we know that

Totally agree. And whilst I tried all the positive stuff, I am of the belief that it doesn't do them any harm to see that if you ignore somebody or treat them really badly then it will either make them feel sad, or angry or both. It's honest parenting

My favorite memory growing up was me and my brothers was playing up badly trying everything to wind up my mum. She eventually shouted what do you think your playing at? We kids replied the smacked bum game. We was seeing who could get their bum tapped 1st 😂 so yes they do it to wind you up.