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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to ask this guy out ?

4 replies

gaelle79 · 21/08/2019 17:02

Hi all,
I know this guy from high school. He asked me out back then (we were 17 and 18), I declined.
We reconnected online years later. I eventually got out of a long term relationship so he told me he was still interested in me and I said ok, let’s see how it goes. Problem is, after a month or two of flirting online and over the phone (we live in different countries), I found out I was pregnant with my ex. I told him right away.
I told him I needed to focus on my pregnancy and baby and sort everything out with my ex, on my own.
We didn’t speak for 3 years, then he reached out, just to say hi.
Since then, I’ve been contacting him now and then just to chat. Every time I get the same thing. He politely answers my questions but doesn’t «engage» IYKWIM.
I would say: «Hi, how you doing ?» and he would answer «Hi, I’m doing fine»
No «how about you», nothing.
I have to resume the conversation every time. Asking him about his day, job, sons etc.
It seems like he’s not interested or available but at the same time, when I told him I will be in his country in a few weeks, he said “great, I’ll take you there, we will do this and that”
So now I’m confused. I really want to ask him if he’s single, if he’s interested in starting something with me but I don’t want to sound desperate or too forthcoming for a woman.
We’re both single parents in our early 40s now.
What do you think ?

OP posts:
SalemShadow · 21/08/2019 19:14

Do it. He can only say no worse case scenario!

Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2019 19:20

Why is it such a big deal to ask if he's in a relationship? Just ask him.

tomatostottie · 21/08/2019 19:22

He doesn't sound overly-enthusiastic to be honest.
I wouldn't ask him if he's single or interested in starting something. If you are going to be in his country arrange to meet up with him and you'll get a better idea of how the land lies.
But maybe he's wary because he might have got hurt the last time when you found out you were pregnant. Also maybe he sees no point in starting a relationship as you are in different countries. One of you would end up having to move if things were to progress further.

keepingbees · 21/08/2019 19:23

I wouldn't jump in with asking if he's single, although I would assume he is if he's offering to meet you and take you round places (and you describe him as a single dad.) You might have both changed and not even get on anymore, so I would see it as a friendship for now.
He's probably kept it cool with you because you blew him out twice before and you're in a different country with another mans child.
Just keep an open mind and see what happens Smile

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