To be give up CMS

[PumpkinP]

My ex is on benefits, he hasn’t paid maintenance in over 2 years as prior to this he wasn’t working or claiming any benefits at all (apparently) about 3 months ago I received a letter to say he had started getting benefits so would be paying £7 a week for four children , anyway that was 3 months ago and still no payment! Well I chased it up and was fobbed of a few times with call back in 2 weeks every time I called, well today I’ve been told that despite being on benefits they won’t be taking ANY payments from him as the benefits place have refused to take any?! And they couldn’t give me a reason as to why this was as apparently the benefits office don’t tell me and that it could be any number of reasons! So that’s it, he “wins” and doesn’t have to pay a penny, im so sick of fighting for money for my children that they are entitled to. What’s the point, he has told me he will never work. Literally in my face said he will never ever work.

Anyone been in this situation who can offer any advice?

Call back, it automatically comes out of benefits, nobody has to agree. However I think it might depend on what hes claiming as to whether they can take it at all (e.g. disability benefits)? I might be wrong but I think they've explained it to you badly, try to speak to someone else.

I just feel defeated, I have been trying for so long to get a payment and now I’m being told we will never get anything! He loves the fact he gets away with it, he rubs it in my face and doesn’t see them either so he literally gets to walk away without any responsibility even financially. He has (serious) mental health problems so maybe claims some form of disability benefits, would that be why he doesn’t have to pay then?

I'm essentially in the same situation. I've stopped calling now I just send messages via the online portal pushing for updates. My daughter is 6 and ExH has never paid. Stay strong, at some point you'll get what you are owed x

These kinds of stories are all too common and heartbreaking. No-one in government seems to give a shit, and it seems to be socially acceptable - which is awful.

It’s not even the money as obviously £7 is nothing especially between 4 but it just angers me that he gets away without paying a penny.

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to offer some support in saying it's a disgrace that he can get away with this!

How could he morally do this, let alone legally?!

The system needs a big shake up.

He thinks he is right, he doesn’t think he should pay for kids he doesn’t see. His own words.

I have deep deep suspicions of CMS. There seems to be a bit of a trend for them to be collecting the money from absent parents and then 'losing it in the system' (I know my XP is paying arrears, but I am not getting any money, my son and his partner have reconciled and she has said that she wasn't getting regular payments although he was making them - she'd get 'lump sums' of money when she made a fuss, then nothing again until the next fuss).

I wonder if this is how they are funding themselves? Collect all the money, put it in a high interest account, and then only pay out when a fuss is made ('oops, sorry, we need your bank details again as your bank is refusing payment and we couldn't get in touch with you'). The amount they'd collect in interest alone would be phenominal, to say nothing of the money for those accounts where no fuss is made, that just quietly die...

Or maybe I'm a cynic.

No advice but I've recently just written it off. My child is 15, haven't had anything in about 12 years. I actually thought it had been cancelled back then but I got a letter about it recently. Apparently he owes 740 for his child, that's about 12 years worth of maintenance. You can see why I told them to write it off. The system and absent parents are a joke .

Zaphod you are crediting the government with far too much intelligence and organisational skill. Its much more likely to be incompetence. In my dept they have changed the way things are done about 6 times in as many years and not one time has it made things better for the public. It has meant that some top civil servant or junior minister can put 'change leader' on their cv though - and that seems to matter more.

I feel for you OP. I gave up a long time ago. As soon as they caught up with ex he'd just quit his job and find a cash in hand position (common in his industry) He'd also take it out on me using DD, like refusing to return her after access because I clearly resented paying for her etc. I gave up in the end

I’m having a hell of a time with the CMS at the moment.

I am currently receiving £30 a month despite my ex being on a six figure salary.

I chased up last week & they said no one had looked at the form that I submitted 6 months ago & they’ll take a look at it now but might take a further six months.

I have lost thousands so far & am due to lose more.

Insult was added to injury when I got “cut off” whilst on hold waiting to complain!

Absolutely unacceptable.

Can’t believe so many of us have to put up with this, it really is awful and nothing can be done about it. I really do find the cms useless. She told me if I “found anything out” I should call them back, isn’t it there job to find things out?! I don’t even talk to him. They told me they will do a liability order, don’t know if anyone else has been told that?? But he needs to owe £500 first and currently he only owes just over £100 despite not having paid for 2 years because he isn’t working they charge him the bare minimum so it will take years to get it to £500

My ex hasn’t seen DS for years, no birthday cards no phone calls no nothing. He underpaid me for years. Then he had a £36000 redundancy pay out which they said they couldn’t touch. He’s not working now due to his alcoholism and it messing up his health and I know he pissed away his money in a matter of months, so he must be claiming benefits. Pretty much every time we walk past his local he’s in there with a pint in front of him so he’s getting money from somewhere, yet not a penny in maintenance.

The scheming little fucker lied to the family court about his partner’s income also.

He’s an abomination of a man and we don’t need his money. Let him drink himself to death with it.

The child maintenance system is not fit for purpose. After years of refusing to pay, working cash in hand to hide income my ex finally settled into a proper job and I managed to get a deduction of earnings order in place. Only issue now is there are deductions taken from his wages but the employer doesn’t send them through regularly. For a year and half now it’s constant chasing and they finally pay only to stop again the following month. There are fees deducted too because the payments have to go through the CMS but it was choice of my ex as he refused to pay more than £50 a month into my account but when they reviewed his earnings that was seen to not be a fair amount (very low). Contacted my MP but was just send back a list of legislation. This system is totally unfair on resident parents and innocent children.

Oh, Pumpkin ... how frustrating & stressful.

He loves the fact he gets away with it, he rubs it in my face and doesn’t see them either so he literally gets to walk away without any responsibility even financially.

The thing is, you can take the sensible suggestions upthread & ring back to get a more helpful explanation. But you can also take a step back from the immediate pressure, & consider what you are going to gain through choosing to pursue it or drop it.

If you pursue, & manage to squeeze the £7/week, & that at least gives you a few handy quid (I know!) as well as the satisfaction of making him do the right thing.

However - are you also responding to the fact that he rubs his deliberate fuckwittery in your face? Because the other option is to simply disengage, so that he doesn't get to do that to you any more. As he doesn't bother to see his kids anyway, you could decide to throw the towel in over any financial contribution to him, ever - but your gain is never having to see him or deal with him.

Maybe the worse problem isn't losing the £7 bloody quid he's too tight to bestow upon his children. Maybe it's having him in your life at all. How happy would it make you to never have to deal with the git again?

Because - He thinks he is right, he doesn’t think he should pay for kids he doesn’t see. Great. Prove him right. Get it in writing, & make it happen. If you are able to do that, you gain all the satisfaction of him losing any hold over you whatsoever. And you'd also have a written guarantee that he's not going to be bothering you or the kids ever again.

Am sure there are more experienced pp who will be able to comment on the practicalities of either option. Sounds to be like you'd be better off just not having to think about him - but only you can weight that one up.

Good luck :)

Wow, @Zaphodsotherhead.

I have deep deep suspicions of CMS

I don't think you're a cynic. I think it's part of a larger asset-stripping mentality prevalent in government since the glory days of Thatcher selling off publicly-owned housing for votes, & Blair doing the same with outsourced public services.

I'm in a similar position. Rang CM 8th July they contacted ex, I rang 3 weeks later for an update and he had til 10th Aug to provide employment details. End of July he declared himself self employed, 2 weeks later all of a sudden he was telling them he has been unemployed since April. (In may this year he told my barrister he was in full time employment). He has no HMRC tax records for at least 6 years, so they've gone off that and sent me my decision letter to me stating that I'll get "nil rate" because he earns less than £7 per week. I've sent proof of him saying that he was working from what he told my Barrister. I've asked for a mandatory reconsideration as I am sick of him getting away with this. I have told CM I will take it as far as I need to to rightly get what is owed to my daughter. It's a massive piss take. Why are we the ones made to feel like we are inconvieniencing CM for the sake of our children?

@couchparsnip - informative & insightful post.

crediting the government with far too much intelligence and organisational skill.

- but only because it's that or cry, innit!?

Sorry to hear all of your stories, makes so angry. The whole system is a joke and I feel like I will just accept it now that we will never get anything

messolini9 he pops up every couple of years, I hadn’t heard from him in over a year and our youngest is 2 so he practically hasn’t seen her her whole life, he’s seen her about 3 times. The last time he contacted me was to tell me to “stop running to the cms” which was the first I had heard from him, he begged me to see them again, went on about how much he had changed how he didn’t see them because of his mental health, blah blah, foolishly I feel for it and he seen them once and now has disappeared again! It’s been 2 months now. That’s the last time he messes with their heads. I shouldn’t have feel for it really but I’m on my own with them and I just wanted him to step up but he has told me he will never ever step up, I have it down in black and white, he said he will never be a dad.

Sorry to hear everyones horror stories, but the incompetence of the CMS goes both ways. My DH had a previous relationship with children, he was never married to the children's mother and she moved into my DH's house when they got together. They were together nine years, she never worked after having the first child and then they split. He left her with the children in his house, and continued to pay the mortgage (she never contributed financially to the house, although of course she contributed with childcare) he also paid the gas, electricity, water and council tax. Her part of the agreement was to get a job (as youngest was now at school) and contribute for food etc.

We got together about four years after the split, and he moved in with me to my house (he had been renting in the interim) so I know what the arrangements were. He continued to pay for the above, and there was never a problem or a formal agreement. When the younger child was 18 (this child worked at this point and was no longer dependant on the mother) my DH said he would like to stop paying as the children were now adults. The ex was upset as she didn't see how she could pay utilities by herself (the mortgage was by then paid off), but, eventually the compromise was that the house would be sold, and she would have the proceeds (this was £120,000 in 2005) so she could downsize to somewhere she could afford to keep up. Please bear in mind that the house belonged to my DH, he had never had a penny contribution from her, had supported them all until children were adults and actually had no obligation to give her the house at all!

Anyway, this all happened. Then in 2016 he received a letter from the CMS saying he owed her £2051!!!! Totally out of the blue, there had never been any involvement from a government agency before. My DH spoke to them and explained the above. He was told by them that they would investigate and if he heard nothing within 6 months he should consider the matter closed. So, he heard nothing and we all but forgot about it.

Last week, guess what, another letter saying he owed the ex £2051.

Seriously?????

Feel for you, it's so frustrating and unfair! Just posted about the CMS myself, hadn't seen yours. The whole system is utterly incompetent and biased towards the paying parent (sorry @sillysally1998 - I know there are exceptions, like yours) who gets away with not supporting their child. Makes me utterly mad.

That sounds messed up Sillysally1998 is it maybe that she opened a case up at 18 as it’s still payable to 19 I think?? Seems like they have really bother to chase that one up either, what a joke.

My ex did similar as so many here, promptly quit his job and went onto benefits (whilst working cash in hand and with a limited company). I have a court document that clearly states he is working and has been for some time, but CMS state that they have to go off the fact that he is still claiming benefits, and refuse to do anything.

Plus they seem to make it up as they go along, I am supposed to get the princely sum of £6.27 a week, yet the payments seem completely random, varying from £13 to £26 a month...

Sometimes for a (really unfunny) laugh, I work my weekly shop out in terms of how many months maintenance it has cost... seriously ridiculous system, completely unfit for purpose.