Is it too much to ask

[AuntOf4]

Backstory:
So my brother moved out many years ago, got engaged and broke up and then got engaged to someone else, had two kids and got married.

My other brother moved out when he was turned 18 to move in with his then-girlfriend-now-wife, brought a house, got married and had two boys.

I live at home because I'm in a job that doesn't pay enough for me to be able to move out yet and be financially stable.

The problem:

The second brother always calls before he comes around to ask if it's okay because he doesn't want to be a burden. Comes around once a month, I go over an see them as well when it's okay.

Brother No.1. comes around unannounced every week. New sister-in-law comes around at least twice a week unannounced and stays for the entire day. They ask for us to babysit with about 1 hours notice (sometimes less) and expect us to be prepared for them to visit and he was like this with fiancee No.1.

I might be a little biased because Sister-in-law No.2. is my best friend and we do a lot together but she doesn't come around with brother No.2. all the time so it doesn't really affect the situation.

Am I being unreasonable by wanting them to at least let us know when they are planning at coming around?

Side note: I'm struggling with my mental health atm and sometimes just like to be left alone to deal with it and just sit and cry. Their intrusion doesn't help because I then have to put on a happy face to play with my Nephew even when I feel like the world is upside down.

If Brother 1 was like this with both fiancees, then I don't think it's them driving things. Sounds like he is really comfortable at home (and if new SIL comes and stays alone twice a week for the whole day, then either she is also very comfortable or she is desperately lonely - can't say I'd ever have wanted to spend the whole day with my MIL, even with my children).

I think your MH might be making you put a slant on all this that isn't there in real life? Maybe your DM is agreeing with the visits (it doesn't stop them complaining about it though, you should have heard my late mum on the subject of looking after my DB's children, even though she adored them and it was agreed) and the babysitting.

You, however, don't have to be there. If it's your DM agreeing to babysit, then it's not your problem. Going out might be a bit much if you feel fragile, but don't let them put caring for your DN onto you. Pretend you have to go out or tell them you feel sick and shut yourself away. But please make sure you are getting help for your MH and don't put emotions onto your DB or DM that might not exist for them, because you are having problems.

Maybe just ask DB1 again to give you a bit of notice so you can mentally prepare - eg if you need some time alone then go out for a walk and then go your bedroom. You can explain to him that you need a bit of time alone so you don’t get stressed. Don’t feel like you have to go speak to DB when he comes around - just say you are tired and chill in your room.

OP I empathise with your situation as I had 5 years living with my DP after uni because I didn't earn enough to pay rent and didn't have anyone to flatshare with, I get that "just moving out" isn't always an option.

However because it isn't your house it's for those who own the house to set these boundaries with guests. I'm guessing you have your own room, could you use it as a safe space for when you don't feel up for being social.