To think sharing a cost is actually splitting it 50/50

[NoMoreLimbo]

The background:

My ex and I have finally separated and now live in two different homes. It’s about 30 min drive between the homes.

We have two DCs that attend different schools. One DC in place where he lives. One DC starting high school where I live. Due to having zero family support and nature of jobs we have an au pair so she can help cover school runs and after school care.

We have agreed we will split the cost of childcare. She gets a weekly allowance, travel costs paid for and obviously we pay for food and living expenses.

Now here is the tricky part. She will live with me. This obviously mean that my outgoings for food, heating and other bills etc will go up. However my ex does not see that he should contribute to any of that but just pay half her weekly allowance and travel. This despite him needing the childcare as much as I do.

I think this is totally unfair. Aibu?

(There is for now no child maintenance paid)

If he has the younger child simple solution is the au pair should move in with him.

Then there is no argument.

The au pair does not want to live with him. Nor does she want to live out of two homes.

So do you think that him also paying 50% of a figure that you tell him that it is costing you in extra fuel/food is reasonable?

From his point of view where exactly is the accountability?

He could think that you'd inflate figures or use more of everything and just "blame the nanny" for the full increased cost as after all, he's picking up half.

On the surface of it I agree with you that true overall costs should be split 50/50 but on a practical level that isn't going to be possible. Try and come to a compromise but if he won't budge I think you have to suck it up.

I see bungles point of view, he might not want to sign on to an open ended thing where you say what he pays. What if you agree a fixed amount in advance, that you believe would approximately cover food and increased bills, and he pays half of this. Yes, some months may go over, but some may come under, and anyway you'd still be way ahead of him not paying anything.

Thanks both. I agree that it’s tricky in practical ways. 1300cakes it’s a good suggestion with an agreed amount. How would one work it out though.... Also, the ‘thing’ is that he is not willing to contribute at all

So, that both pisses me off abc worries me as it will have a negative financial impact. As is, I will struggle to balance the finances anyway.