To not give ds the cash yet?

[Windydaysuponus]

Last November ds bought a house. I said I wanted to give him 1k towards the deposit. As it turned out he didn't need it. So I suggested I pay for all the white goods. 1k.
He paid on his cc and I was to pay it off. Ds a bit ott on getting a good credit score and wanted regular payments to increase it...
At the same time my fridge broke and ds got it on a shop finance. I have paid this off at £50 a week. Paid off now.
Now ds got a new gf in May. His last ones pressured him to spend spend spend. IE the last 2 we are talking 4k in 3 months per gf. Ds is a soft touch and paid for everything they did /went and more. Suspect low esteem. New clothes for him at their choosing....
Now the new gf has suggested new ways for his cash to leave his account... 30k investment with her db, buy a cafe with her - she has no job - now it's a 3 k caravan. Ds now realistically hasn't got the sort of cash but could get credit /finance if pushed. Our family are keeping him semi grounded about how far fetched some of these ideas are....I am aware he is an adult but still.
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But my aibu is do u keep the 1k safe away until he needs it for a future deposit as HIS plan was to get a buy to let down the line. Or do I see my hard earned cash spent by another gf /ds?
He was taken to A&E last month with a suspected heart attack. Turned out to be a reaction to recent AD which gf has said he doesn't need now they back together..
They split for a few days as she was texting her ex...
I have kept as back as I feel I can, his MH is fragile and he is still my ds!

You promised him £1k so you need to keep that for him or give it to him. It’s his.

He paid on his cc and I was to pay it off. Ds a bit ott on getting a good credit score and wanted regular payments to increase it...

that isn't how it works
paying interest doesn't boost your score as much as settling the balance in full each month does.

I think you just have to give him the money and if he fritters it away on his gf then that’s his choice.

Sorry this isn't the most relevant but what is "AD" that he doesnt need now?

I think you should continue to give him the money you said you would. If you had given it all in one go, which would have made more sense really, you wouldn't be asking for it back.

If he breaks up with this girlfriend, maybe have a sit down and chat with him about sensible financial planning as he sounds quite impulsive/easily led

I personally wouldn't give him the money yet, if his GF was to find out (and no doubt she will), it sounds like she'd try and get her hands on it. Perhaps use it to buy him something he needs like you've previously offered?

BeanBag I assume AD are anti-depressants. OP, I'd keep the 1k atm, he may need it later.

Pinky the thing is my initial promise was 1k towards a house. Antidepressants- correct. The gf has been on anxiety meds for 10 years +but for some reason is adamant ds doesn't need them.
She isn't a GP...

You should be using the money to pay off his credit card for the white goods, as you agreed. That's not financing his girlfriends' schemes.

I gave him £50 every week for my fridge, he admitted the other day he is paying minimum payments not the full £200 a month...
If i give him cash for white goods he prob do the same....
Was thinking of telling him I have got a money tin and will let him know when the 1k is in it. Maybe the gf will be no more then.
Tricky thing is she is a relative of his ndn... Think this is worrying for him if they split...
Have backed away from adult dc altogether atm as my own mh is keeping me awake...
All the mmers with small dc beware.... Adult ones can be tough too!

Put the £1K into Premium Bonds in your name. Don't give it to him if someone else will be spending it.

How much do you owe on your own fridge?

@BeanBag7 Anti Depressants I would think

I think your suggestion to build up the 1k then give it to him is the best idea. He needs someone to have his back, he’s lucky to have you

The rate he spends money, does he actually need your 1K ? Seems like he is a high earner if he's going through that much cash

Fridge paid off today!
I haven't seen him alone for a while. She loiters at the doorway...
Also his db asked for a loan and she was raging about it - even to me the other day - that ds will get the bailiffs at his door etc.. When ds show me the texts it appeared he had offered a loan. Ob told gf a different tale. I was tired as had been at work but on reflecting I should have told her what ds does with his cash is none of her business! Still might tbh!

Does he still have the credit card or whatever to pay off? If so, offer to pay it off directly (as you promised it to him) and then leave him to decide how he carries on with GF.