Bigger house or 3rd DC...?

[solerosolero]

I know this seems awkward choice between the two, but hear me out.
I am 40, divorced with 2 DC age 11 and 9.
Have a good job and own house with relatively small mortgage.
In a 3 year stable relationship with DP but we don't live together and have no immediate plans to but may happen in few years time (he has 3 DC, youngest 9). He is an awesome dad to his DC, that's one of the reasons we cannot live together as he wants to stay close to them while their are young.

I am starting to feel it could be my last chance to have a third DC and I am quite broody. DP does not actively want due to his circumstances, although if circumstances were different he wouldn't rule it out. For a safety sake I would assume the worst, to be a single mum again.
I am healthy and can afford to. He would probably be involved but wouldn't live together at least not for some years.

Or, I can afford increase my mortgage and to buy a dream house and live a nice lifestyle with a hot tub in my garden haha.

If I go for a house then I couldn't have the 3rd DC, it would become too stretched financially as I wouldn't have financial cushion. I would need to get a coil fitted for contraception and that would mean a definite decision of no more children.

What do I do?? In my ideal world I would have a 3rd child over a bigger house but thinking a bit selfish to take it on knowing that DP is not to keen? (I am pretty sure he would love the baby - but still not sure if it is fair on him and the baby and my own DC).

Sorry, but you are being very selfish. Your DP does not want another child. You already have two healthy children and they should be your priority. Having a child at your age, it's no guarantee it will be healthy, the risk of this increases with age and it's just a fact. You really need to get a grip.

You have 5 dc between you! Concentrate on doing your best for them.

*thinks

A sixth child whose life would be split between two homes and two families? Why on earth would you give a child that upbringing by design?

You have 5 children between you and you want to have another!!! Have you not heard of overpopulation?

It's a totally stupid and utterly selfish idea

Definitely no third child in that situation!!
If you don't need a bigger house - which it sounds like you don't - why not save the money and retire early or put it towards a house deposit for your kids?

I know people who regretted a third child! And besides, you can be your own child. You can give yourself care and attention as you get older, and fulfill your own dreams. trust me on this.

Honestly I am glad to be told off.

I don't need a bigger house but there are certain things that can be improved by moving (like a bigger garden and a driveway).

Very few people will admit to regretting a child once it’s born. That doesn’t mean it’s not very hard work and added stress.

Fwiw I can think of several families where they had a 3rd or even 4th ‘late baby’ after a big age gap like yours. Once the honeymoon period was over they actually found it incredibly difficult. Very different needs and interests across their children. Back to the world of sleepless nights and nappies. No longer being able to spontaneously go out. And these were families where the parents were together! Regret it? No, none of them could regret a child they knew and loved. Did it make them happier and more fulfilled as a family than they had been previously? Honestly, I doubt it. It changed their family dynamics but I honestly couldn’t see how it made it ‘better.’

And you have the additional situation of your partner not wanting another child in these circumstances, and you’re not even under the same roof. Plus 5 kids between you already... honestly I think it’s mad you’re even asking

You have 5 dc between you! Concentrate on doing your best for them

Yup.

You have 5 DC between you.

You do not live together.

There would be a 9+ year age gap between half siblings on both sides.

Get a dog- get two! But don’t have another DC.

If you buy another house now, what happens if you do want to move in with DP in a few years?

I never knew anyone who regretted a third child

Heads up - your DP will

I never knew anyone who regretted a third child

I do!