To be terrified of loosing time with my daughter ?

[northbankment]

DD 9 months
Last night me and my partner had an argument and he decided to go stay out at his DM as he ‘ wanted space’
It didn’t even need to be an argument I calmly tried t discuss with him that I’ve noticed he isn’t being physical with me or affectionate and is there anything that needs sorting.
He proceeded to shout at me, say I’m on his case. When he said he is going his mums I said I don’t think this is a good idea- he then said I was being horrible and coercive ? When I really don’t think I was I simply didn’t want him to go and I don’t see running away as an option.

So obviously he’s making it quite clear he’s done. I’m obviously gutted but all I keep thinking about is DD. Realistically what happens now? I will add we split when I was pregnant and got back together when she was 2 months, since then he has never had her on his own, other than the odd time I’ve nipped to a shop, he’s never taken her out, he’s never woke up with her in the morning ( ever), she’s only ever stayed out once with my father and now I’m terrified I’m suddenly expected to send her away?
What’s the norm arrangement for this?
Obviously I’m heartbroken so I feel like I’m not even thinking straight atm

I will add he is already asking me when he ‘ gets her ‘
So it isn’t the case of he’s not interested

Woah. Slow down.

And don't panic.

Firstly, how old is DD?

If he's never been up with her in the night or taken her out while you were together, what makes you think he's going to bother now?

Sounds like you're better off without him to be honest.

You do not have to 'send her away'. Get some legal advice about custody arrangements.

I know sorry I probably sound frantic

She’s 9 months, he’s already asking when he gets her and wants her over night etc. He said he doesn’t need to get up with her here because I do it :(
He can be quite aggressive in the way h speaks to me so im worried

Tell him to go to court for access and don’t facilitate him at all, change the locks if you must. You’ll soon find out if he’s serious

He said he doesn’t need to get up with her here because I do it

He's in for rude awakening then. I bet he won't want to continue to have her overnight once he realises that he'll be the one getting up.

She's far too young for overnights anyway, especially if he has never taken care of her overnight before.

He can be quite aggressive in the way h speaks to me so im worried

Keep a journal of what he says and when. If he starts getting aggressive, call the police. You can use all of this against him if it gets to court.

I think your mind is running away with you. You've had a disagreement and he's gone to his mums for some space. You don't need to jump to panicking about custody arrangements and access and maintenance.

If you separate he will be entitled to time with his child, but this is done through the courts to fine what's best for the child. It wont start tomorrow

He doesn't sound the type to continue access as he doesn't sound remotely interested in either of you you've had a lucky escape as he sounds like a pig.

1. Calm down and breathe. Nothing needs to happen right now.

1. Tell him to seek legal advice and that you can go through the courts to establish a contact pattern that’s right for your DD.

1. You don’t have to hand her over to him until calm & fair arrangements are put in place. Ideally through the courts.

1. Keep records of everything. Calls, texts etc.