Anyone else feel sad about their 'career' or lack of?

[malificent7]

I've had a somewhat checkered career due to mental illness as a teen which held me back.
I got good grades at school , got into uni but had to drop out due to said illness.
Then i enrolled on an art course. Now art is my true passion but doing this course coincided with a serious bout of mental illness. I passed the art course..just but didn't take it any further as i lost lots of confidence. I still do art for pleasure at times.
A few years after this i came an English teacher and did this on and off for 10 years but tbh i wasn't cut out for it so left. People on mn gave me a hard time for leaving but i really was struggling with behaviour management etc.Also, most of my contracts were zero hour and short term and this lack of stability affected my confidence ( still does)
I am now training to be a radiographer as mum died of cancer and i wanted to get into healthcare as a result. I am doing really well with my grades but i struggle with workplace politics as i find dealing with different personalities confusing.
Now it's uni summer holidays and i have time to reflect...i am doing care work through an agency throughout the summer to make ends meet.
I just feel that my career has been chaotic.
My ideal job would be an artist where i work alone as i do struggle with too many people but i know it's a long shot. I really do want to give radiography a shot as it is a stable career and a reasobable income but im worried this will flop too.
I guess at the age of 41, i thought i'd be more established in a career ...it is exciting to be embarking on a new one but i really want to succeed this time. I always fall short of career advancement due to struggles with my mental health.
I am coming to terms with the fact thst i won't be a successful artist but this isn't helped by the fact that my step sister is a succesful artist and can stay at home making amazing art and selling her talent. She has always done this and so has built herself up whereas i have flitted about. Not her fault but i do compare. My dad helps her out by taking her stuff to galleries which is kind but i wish i was in her shoes.
I am excited about my new career in radiography but this time i want it to work!

Try to turn it round and remind yourself that despite serious mental health issues you have retrained and held a teaching job for 10 years, and are now successfully retraining again. That is quite an achievement!

Remember also that most people are in jobs they don't enjoy or don't feel fulfilled by. And that relying on your main passion for your source of income sounds idyllic but in reality can be a source of stress and can take the joy out of creating.

I'm very inpressed by your career 'history', particularly sticking with teaching for so long, despite finding it hard. I'm not following my dream so to speak (if my dream was the same as my uni course!) I'm doing care work which is alot lower paid but in a specific role which is higher paid than any care role I've done before, so by that token I should feel satisfied, but I'm still not and am starting to pursue writing, which is my main passion if I'm honest.

Like Meredint says however, making a career out of your passion is not an easy road and likely takes huge talent but also an element of luck and reading the market right. Plus the more people doing a certain thing, the more competition! I wish you look in whatever you decide to do.

Luck..oh dear, great spelling for someone hoping to pursue writing

I really admire you. It's so cool that you have the balls to start an exciting new career, inspired by your experience with your mum, and that you are getting good grades on the course. Plus you enjoy your art for pleasure when you're not working, that's really cool, I wish I was talented like that. I bet also that soft-skills from your teaching experience will be useful when dealing with the public in healthcare.
Don't be so hard on yourself!

I think your career sounds amazing - creative and caring despite mental health issues of your own. You’re clearly talented and probably need to find the right employer and colleagues to settle down with. If you can get your new career off the ground I hope you can continue with your art in your spare time. There are lots of avenues - I have friends who sell prints on Etsy, who do freelance design and illustration, or who just take themselves off on art courses and retreats when they can.
If you can keep your eyes in your own boat and not worry about the success or failure of others I think you will stop being so hard on yourself!

Have you thought about becoming an art therapist? That could be a way for you to do healthcare and art.

Awww..thank you for the kind comments...it has given me a boost. I guess it's tge lack of vinsistency that i find hard...with the shirt term contracts. Plus tbh politics terrifies me...i often wonder if i am slightly aspergers with my lack of ability to fathom people. Those who are good at politics seem to thrive in the workplace.

Op - you sound so similar to me! I’d love to retrain (I’m also 41) but I just don’t know where to start or what to do. What you said about politics and other people is exactly me and like you i often wonder if I have Aspergers. Well done you!