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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to the meal or not

22 replies

togoronottogo · 21/08/2019 07:29

So me and my dp have had a mountain of problems in the last 1.5 years and his family have always go involved or at least told about said problems on nearly every occasion. His sister don’t like me and his step dad has recently started saying hello to me when he pops round. His sister and her partner never acknowledge me although I’m sat in the same room. He has another sister who has said a few words as of late.

Anyway sister a who doesn’t like me is having a birthday meal in a few months. Aibu to not go? I have said to dp I’m happy to stay at home if this is what she wants (and secretly because it’s what I want too) as it’s her birthday after all but he’s said no we are going as a family.

I’m bloody nervous about it and don’t want to be confronted about any of the issues we have had or any sly comments made albeit it wouldn’t be the right arena for this to happen but after a few wines who knows.

Aibu to feign illness or pre arranged plans or shall I just suck it up put my big girl pants on and go and show my face and show that we have got over our problems? Easier to avoid but ... help!!

OP posts:
Wheelerdeeler · 21/08/2019 07:30

How long are you together?

Original poster
togoronottogo · 21/08/2019 07:32

About 2.5 years

OP posts:
inwood · 21/08/2019 07:33

I wouldn't go!

Teaandcrisps · 21/08/2019 07:33

I wouldnt personally. If they cant be civil to you or talk to you then why would you?

TulipsTwoLips · 21/08/2019 07:33

Have you definitely been invited?

Holidaysmoliday · 21/08/2019 07:34

How old are you?
Do you love together? I would expect your DP to point out to his sister that visiting and blatantly ignoring you if very rude

Tbh it all sounds a bit hard work and if question if I want to be part of the whole thing if it’s early days in your relationship

That all aside I’d go along, be polite and be sure not to get drunk etc. Any silly behaviour should come from them only and you can stand on the moral high ground.

BeanBag7 · 21/08/2019 07:34

Why dont they like you? If you're hoping to be with this guy long term you're hoping to be miserable if his whole family ignore you, maybe her could ask them why they seem to have a problem with you.

Original poster
togoronottogo · 21/08/2019 07:38

I’ve not seen proof I have been invited it wa as phone call from his mum saying oh sister has arranged a birthday meal on x date bla bla but never said I the invitation was/wasn’t extended to me.

I wouldn’t be drinking at all so any funny comments would be from their side. But I don’t want to be in a position where something is said any my (sometimes spineless) dp doesn’t say anything and I get up and leave because I’d rather take myself out of a situation than sit there than be spoke to like shit or not spoken too

Yes I know he should of said something but he can’t always find his voice which frustrates me

OP posts:
Original poster
togoronottogo · 21/08/2019 07:41

Well not to go into details we have had issues which resulted in me moving out because I couldn’t take it anymore relating to reckless spending, drinking too much, meeting other partners AFTER separation and then it has occasionally spilled out onto social media (cringe I know) amongst other things.

We have sorted out issues to an extent and are still working on other areas and help has been sought. I don’t want to leave him and we have made positive changes so I don’t want to throw the towel in although I know this will be some people’s advice

OP posts:
nachosTrafficante · 21/08/2019 07:48

Isn’t this all too much like hard work...?

Original poster
togoronottogo · 21/08/2019 07:49

It was at one time which is why I left but things between us are a lot better, like done a 360 degree turn. Just this meal that’s making me a bit anxious

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 21/08/2019 07:50

He was meeting ex partners? Sorry if I've read that wrong.

Who was fighting on social media?

AJPTaylor · 21/08/2019 07:50

I wouldn't go.
Not on any same scale but I have avoided one of my sister in laws successfully for about 27 years. Life is too short to spend it with people that just don't like you. In my case, being 15 years younger, female with a career was enough for her to look down her nose at me.

Spam88 · 21/08/2019 07:52

Yeah I wouldn't go. Not sure who it's going to benefit if you do go.

Also sounds like a lot of drama for a 2.5 year relationship.

Butchyrestingface · 21/08/2019 07:52

Well not to go into details we have had issues which resulted in me moving out because I couldn’t take it anymore relating to reckless spending, drinking too much, meeting other partners AFTER separation and then it has occasionally spilled out onto social media (cringe I know) amongst other things

Who was doing these things - him or you?

MrBobLobLaw · 21/08/2019 07:53

If you want my advice OP, the whole circus sounds like too much hard work, DP and all.

I'd leave all of it behind and enjoy an easy life.

lavenderbluedilly · 21/08/2019 07:57

Personally I wouldn’t go.

If you feel you can’t avoid going, try speaking to the sister. If she ignores you, pull her up on it in front of people - “Why are you ignoring me, have I done something to upset you?” Fuck it if she’s upset on her birthday - she’s the one being rude.

Wheelerdeeler · 21/08/2019 07:59

2.5 years? Move on. It shouldn't be that hard. You are not compatible

Grobagsforever · 21/08/2019 08:00

I LOVE being a grown up and not having to go to shit I don't want to with ppl I don't like. Join me OP.

Also I'd probably LTB, he sounds extremely selfish and doesn't stick up for you. Tedious.

cantfindname · 21/08/2019 08:15

I definitely would not want to go either. But maybe in an attempt to build bridges it would be the right thing to do. I don't know, only you know what they are like and how likely there is to be an outbreak of nastiness.

ElizaDee · 21/08/2019 10:11

Well not to go into details we have had issues which resulted in me moving out because I couldn’t take it anymore relating to reckless spending, drinking too much, meeting other partners AFTER separation and then it has occasionally spilled out onto social media (cringe I know) amongst other things

Depends who was doing all those things. If it was him, why have they got an issue with you? What kind of things do they say?

AryaStarkWolf · 21/08/2019 10:15

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't make an excuse either. Why on Earth would he expect you to go to someones birthday celebration when that person can't even say hello to you?

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