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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to want some revenge (lighthearted)

6 replies

CCDL · 20/08/2019 21:23

I posted a few years ago about my DP of 6 years relationship with one of our colleagues (we work together).

Basically, he was a bit fixated with a younger female colleague and it actually deeply affected how I felt about him (and still does but to a much lesser extent).

He maintains that it was innocent and he was just trying to help her out. I tried lots of times to get him to see it from my perspective but he was fairly resolute in his assertions that I was jealous and paranoid. I asked him how he would feel of a very attractive younger man joined our team and I went out of my way to ‘help him out’. He said he wouldn’t be bothered, as he wasn’t jealous Or crazy like I am.

To give you an example, we had booked a restaurant for dinner one night and he had to go to a meeting in another city about an hour away. Of course it was necessary for the colleague to go with him. Needless to say, he showed up two hours late because he’d taken the colleague for a drink to thank her for her help. Hmm

The situation only resolved when the colleague left and he lost contact.

We got through it and now a new male colleague has started. Objectively, this colleague could be considered conventionally attractive. I could see the dawning of a bit of horror on DP’s face when introduced to our new colleague last week. He has now become a bit fixated on the new colleague’s appearance and keeps asking me if I think he is attractive.

Is it childish and unreasonable of me to be happy that finally he might know how I felt for two years when he was flirting?

Obviously, in reality I have no intention of flirting or saying anything inappropriate to the new colleague, as I wouldn’t want them to feel uncomfortable. Also, I won’t say anything about my views on the colleagues appearance to my DP, as I know how bad this feels.

I’m happy to be told that I’m being immature or unreasonable but this is bringing it all back for me and I’m starting to reconsider our relationship again. Clearly he doesn’t trust me!

OP posts:
SuzieSunshine · 20/08/2019 23:36

I believe in fate and I'd really enjoy watching him worry. He hasn't got a leg to stand on if he says anything and if he has a problem with it - tough!!

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 20/08/2019 23:43

Not at all, let the bugger sweat for a bit.

Consider maybe name dropping a bit 'yes, Brian thinks this..... so funny you should mention getting Thai food, Brian was telling me how much he loved travelling there...' followed by a sigh and a faraway look in your eyes... and he cant say anything because he's not 'jealous and paranoid' like you Wink

CCDL · 21/08/2019 08:19

Thanks for the replies. I guess it just feels a bit odd to deliberately try to wind him up. It’s not my usual style. However, we nearly split over it and our relationship still has the scars.

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 21/08/2019 08:29

Yes, let him sweat. Every time he asked I would 'look' at him and reply honestly and openly.

But if you start down the road of deliberately stoking the flames, then I think you would have to say your relationship is over. The trust and integrity would be gone.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 21/08/2019 08:49

YANBU at all. The situation wasn't resolved because he cared about your feelings, it was resolved because she left the area. That marks him out as a bit of a twat and you wouldn't be U to point out to him that life is simply feeding him a little of his own medicine.

In all seriousness, I'm not convinced I'd be able to get past the hurt that he caused. It's not about cheating or even affairs, but just respecting your partners feelings and boundaries. DH works away with women as well as men but I can't imagine him laughing off me being upset with "crazy" comments; I'd hope he would try to ensure I knew there was nothing going on like an adult.

I wouldn't try to make him jealous. I wouldn't try to do anything; if it nearly split you previously it could do untold damage this time. But I'd think very hard about what you deserve versus what you're getting.

neverornow · 21/08/2019 12:23

Let him sweat! No harm in him seeing how it feels 😉

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