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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my boyfriend

35 replies

Flamingo89 · 20/08/2019 19:50

My boyfriend suffers with some pretty complex mental health issues and it’s starting to affect my own mental health. A few months ago he went out and blew a lot of money on drugs and slept with someone else and I told him if he saw a doctor and got help I’d try to work through it with him. He has seen a doctor but his issues haven’t improved and he’s distant and uninterested and I’m ready to leave but would hate for him to do anything harmful because of something I’ve done. Do I just leave?

OP posts:
Needcoffeeimmediatley · 20/08/2019 19:52

Yes, leave leave leave Thanks

bluejelly · 20/08/2019 19:52

You don't need permission to leave. He sounds exhausting and complex - you really don't have to stay. If he harmed himself it would not be your fault. You have to look after yourself.

Sparklesocks · 20/08/2019 19:54

It sounds like you’ve been very understanding and tried to make it work, but he can’t be helped unless he wants it. Please know you are not responsible for his actions Flowers

Neverender · 20/08/2019 19:55

Yes, leg it. His mental health issues are NOT yours and you cannot fix him.

Thank you, next....

Aquamarine1029 · 20/08/2019 19:56

Run a mile and don't look back.

HeckyPeck · 20/08/2019 19:58

You’ll be much better off without him.

LagunaBubbles · 20/08/2019 19:58

Having mental health issues doesnt make you a cheat. It is not your responsibility to stay with him so he doesn't harm himself either.

Walkerbean16 · 20/08/2019 19:58

Run a mile. Go be happy.

dollydaydream114 · 20/08/2019 20:01

Yes, leave.

His mental health issues absolutely do not excuse his behaviour. Even if they did, it wouldn’t mean you had to put up with it. Leave now.

Cryalot2 · 20/08/2019 20:03

Flowers leave and good wishes.

TheTrollFairy · 20/08/2019 20:05

Leave!

Having mental health issues do not make you cheat, take drugs and be a nasty person.
Do not let him effect your mental health more than he has!

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 20/08/2019 20:07

You don’t need permission or an ‘acceptable’ reason to leave. Just leave.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 20/08/2019 20:10

Leave. It's not like you've made any wedding vows (and even if you had, he's already broken them himself with his actions).

munchbunch12 · 20/08/2019 20:18

Leave, you are not responsible for him and need to consider your own MH.

Wonkybanana · 20/08/2019 20:22

Leave. And if he then tries to blackmail you into coming back by saying he'll kill himself if you don't - stay away. He, and only he, is responsible for his actions.

cacklingmags · 20/08/2019 20:29

He may have mental health issues, but you should leave because he is a nasty cheat and a druggy. That means he would be the most terrible partner to have a child with and pregnancies can happen accidentally. Then you would be trapped with this cheater in your life. Run as fast as you can.

Elieza · 20/08/2019 20:39

You are not responsible for his mental health he is. Nothing you do can ‘make’ him do anything. That would be his own choice.
I had an ex who threatened suicide when I left him. He slashed up his arms loads of times to ‘prove’ how serious he was and that I should take him back.
I didn’t. Told him we were no good together and it was over and walked away. Didn’t let him see me cry. Worried myself sick he would kill himself.
He didn’t. I dodged a bullet.
He was a boy trying to manipulate me. Epic fail. I’m fine and he seems to be too as I’ve seen him and a plethora of various aged children identical to him. Guess he managed to find The One. If I’d kept him he wouldn’t have met her.
Let yours go. He’s not The One either. Good luck. You deserve better than that man child. Flowers

BlueJava · 20/08/2019 20:56

Yes - leave! Having mental health issues doesnt make him shag someone else!

AudacityOfHope · 20/08/2019 21:01

A distant and uninterested cheat?

I don't think you really need to ask, do you?

carly2803 · 20/08/2019 21:04

leave. and dont fall for the "i will kill myself" or "i will change"that will come out of his mouth

you are better than this. Hismental health will start rubbing off badly on you if you dont go

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 20/08/2019 21:05

Leave. His response to that isn’t your responsibility. Neither is his mental health. If he starts emotionally blackmailing you after you leave, do not engage at all and either tell his family/friends what’s happened and that he needs to be checked up on or ask the police to do a welfare check on him.

minibroncs · 20/08/2019 21:24

What would you have if you stayed?

CTRL · 20/08/2019 21:27

Leave. And never look back

TheClitterati · 20/08/2019 21:29

You deserve better. Leave!

Kiwiinkits · 20/08/2019 21:29

Do what you’d tell your best friend to do.