Heart/head torment!

[Fizzyfuzzy]

NC for this.

I am sorry - I cannot be more detailed that this. I am not being deliberately mysterious but I feel I just can't lay out the specific details.

I am signed up for something for the next few years. To say I am dreading it is an understatement. I feel I will hate every second and I really don't want to do it. Two years is not long but it can feel like a lifetime.

If you asked me what my gut feeling is it would be NOT to do it. I actually feel like crying and running away!

As ever though, it's not that simple!

In doing this thing for 2 years it may help me to achieve what really IS my heart's desire, all be it in a round about way. Not guaranteed but certainly a help.

I would give anything just to go straight for my real desire but it's just not possible at the moment for various reasons. To make it worse, time is of the essence and in some ways against me.

There could be another way but I am going crazy playing round and round in my head, that other option that I could take which would mean not putting myself through something I feel I will hate but, although it must be in the realms of possibility, it escapes me.

I feel I am doing a terrible thing in ignoring my feelings and forcing through with this but I keep telling myself to think of the end result and get on with it. I feel very torn, conflicted and even tormented.

My question is - have you ever been in this situation and what happened? Have you ever forced yourself to do something you hate for a fairly prolonged period and it's turned out well/you've enjoyed it/ you've not enjoyed it but you feel the time spent doing this was worthwhile because it's paid off in some way for you?

Have you any advice or encouragement? Please!

College 😬😬

My Dad always used to say 'no decision you make is irreversible' - not strictly true, but applies in many situations.

As you say, maybe go for it, with a Plan B in mind should you find it too much? That in itself might help you.

I think it's genuinely difficult to comment without knowing what it is. The main questions that spring to mind (rhetorically - you don't have to answer them on here):

• how tangentially will the short term thing help with the long term thing? It doesn't sound like a dead cert. Are there alternatives that would give a more certain path, or are there alternative outcomes from the short term thing that would also work for you?
• how sure are you that you will enjoy the long term outcome if you are going to hate the 2 years?

It's all so dependent on what it is. If it's building your own house then I can see that short term pain for long term gain makes sense. But loads of other things - most vocational courses, for example - I would worry that if you hate the short term thing you might find you don't love the long term thing.

SAD Oddly enough this was the situation at one point but not now. It's a more unusual situation. I am sorry I am NOT being deliberately awkward really am not.

I do feel slightly better at the thought that I CAN leave if it is that bad, though that wouldn''t be good in some ways and it would then create other problems but at least I do have that option.

Any way you look at it the situation is really confusing and I really understand people can't fully help without knowing facts. I do wish I hadn't posted in one way as I can see it's got people's backs up as it IS frustrating when someone does this but when you are in a turmoil or a blind panic sometimes you just grab the nearest thing in desperation and MN was it.

Thank you to everyone who has answered me. I do appreciate it.

Sounds like you may be planning to do some reality TV or instagramming OP, hence the time worry of criticism/ridicule. Am I close? If so I can completely understand your dilemma!, especially if the money is good...

Are you going into porn/prostitution 😬

Can you put it off? Is it now or never, or could you say leave it a year and give it more thought? Is there any other way to do it, e.g. less intensively, or the same basic thing but in a different place or setting?

I understand if you can't say, you can't say. In the past (with a previous name) I've given too much info and been recognised in RL which is not fun - I don't blame you at all.

Oh my gosh I really want to know what it is

Are you emigrating OP? Without knowing the details, I'd say not to do it. I moved and it cost me my health. Nothing, absolutely nothing is worth compromising your physical and mental health for and we only notice how important our health is once we no longer have it.

Don't know if that helps.

Are you an undercover operative?

Definitely follow your heart not head, especially if you have that gut feeling not to do it. Gut feelings are rarely wrong.