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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel embarrassed and upset?

32 replies

IceAndASlice123 · 20/08/2019 14:19

I'm having a rough time now. Worried about an upcoming hospital appointment (I have an inflammatory bowel disorder), my job looks unstable and I feel very hurt by a friend. So I decided to take some time out today.
I went and sat in a park which has a cafe and a river and tried to get my thoughts together. I didn't stay long as had a headache. I made my way back out and there was an elderly couple ahead of me and a civil enforcement officer. The officer walked straight past me and I lingered back behind the old couple as was giving them space to walk ahead. I stopped and took a photo of the scenery when I suddenly heard a loud "Sir!!" I turned to see what was going on and it was the officer speaking to me. 😐 I am female.
He then said "Where are you going? " I was a bit annoyed as didn't feel he had the right to ask so I just said that I was walking back out. He then said 'Well ok. I am not trying to tell you what to do.". I then just walked away.
He addressed me like a young child and made me feel I was doing something wrong. I am a 34 yr old woman. I look exceptionally young but even so. Aibu to feel embarrassed that he mistook me as male and treated me like a kid?

OP posts:
Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 20/08/2019 17:57

Nobody?

OP posts:
plunkplunkfizz · 20/08/2019 18:03

How can anyone say if he was unreasonable to think you are male when we can’t see you? No one can give a view on that but you.

Sounds like you know you’ve taken it to heart too much since you raise all the other things going on.

AmIThough · 20/08/2019 18:03

Did you walk in and out of the cafe? That along with the lingering may have looked suspicious.

Do you have short hair? Is it possible he only saw you from behind?

It sounds like he's just a bit of a dick, please don't take it personally.
I hope things start looking up for you soon with everything you mentioned Thanks

Qcumber · 20/08/2019 18:05

He sounds really weird to be honest. Don't be embarrassed, you haven't done anything wrong and if I'd seen that interaction I'd have thought he was the odd one!
Sorry you're going through a tough time, I hope it gets better for you soon x

Blutopia · 20/08/2019 18:07

I wonder if you are feeling extra sensitive owing to everything else you have going on for you at the moment. Flowers

You have no reason to feel embarrassed or upset, although the enforcement officer probably felt a bit silly when you turned around and he realised you were a grown woman.

Think no more about it, I hope your other worries ease for you soon.

RB68 · 20/08/2019 18:08

Sounds like he should have gone to specsavers!!

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 20/08/2019 18:09

Thank you,
I have very long hair and am short but he looked me in the face originally so not like he only got a view from the back.
No, I walked from a picnic bench to the exit. Maybe the lingering looked weird but still feel it was a very strange thing to do, he was treating me like a young boy who shouldn't be out or as someone who was up to no good. I was only trying to get 5 minutes peace.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 20/08/2019 18:11

I don't think this was anything personal. Let it go.

TrumpetyChump · 20/08/2019 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorthEndGal · 20/08/2019 18:13

Seriously, let it go

Bubsworth · 20/08/2019 18:17

I got mistaken for a man once. I had a pixie cut and was pushing my bike and a child behind me excitedly exclaimed,

"Mummy there's a tiny little man!"

Sorry you've had a crap day OP good luck with your appointment x

DiscoDown · 20/08/2019 18:25

I got called Sir once at the post office; I was wearing a skirt and heels at the time! I wouldn't take it personally, it sounds like he was being the odd one anyway.

Cheeserton · 20/08/2019 18:25

Sounds like he should have gone to specsavers!!
Wow, that's very drole. Come up with that yourself, eh? So original.

Aibu

Honestly it just doesn't make a lot of sense, so hard to say really.

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 20/08/2019 18:29

Thanks all.
I know I am probably taking it too personally. I was just really needing that time to myself and he made me feel very uncomfortable.

It doesnt make any sense but I can only think that he saw me as a young boy or someone who was up to no good. Very weird.

OP posts:
CSIblonde · 20/08/2019 18:34

He sounds really weird. Are you sure he was a 'civil enforcement officer'? (our park tho in a nice area attracts some rather unsavoury people sometimes) And what is that, a volunteer Police thing? Forget it.

which1 · 20/08/2019 18:37

The 'sir' thing could have been a verbal typo as it were.

LeysaV · 20/08/2019 18:50

I do not know what to make of it but its very bizzarre .

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 20/08/2019 19:14

Could he possibly have thought you were leaving the cafe without paying?

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 20/08/2019 19:18

Yes he had the uniform on and everything.
All he saw was me walking behind an old couple. He has walked past me. I have stopped and taken a photo of the scenery when he then came back and we had that weird exchange.
It can only be him thinking I was a young teen and maybe assuming I was up to no good. Just really bizarre when all I did was walk, stop and take a photo of the river I was next to. 😐

OP posts:
slashlover · 20/08/2019 19:39

I've called a woman 'sir' before and a man 'madam'. I didn't mean anything by it, it was a brain glitch like calling someone you know well by the wrong name or forgetting what an everyday item is called. Can you please pass me...one of those cutting things...A KNIFE

Jaxhog · 21/08/2019 11:55

It's because a woman is generally less offended at being called Sir than a man would be to be called Madam. If officials aren't sure e.g. they have only seen you from a distance, or your back, they will often be cautious and call you Sir. Don't worry, it wasn't personal.

user1493494961 · 21/08/2019 12:01

Perhaps he thought you looked suspicious hanging back behind the elderly couple.

FuriousVexation · 21/08/2019 12:22

He's probably sitting there right now going "OMG I can't believe I shouted "sir" at that woman and then tried to cover up my verbal fart with bluster"

We all say bollocks sometimes and while I find it's easier to say "Oh god did I just call you Keith? I'm sorry Nigel!" lots of people try to bluff their way through it.

I don't think it's anything to do with you.

Saucery · 21/08/2019 12:30

He mistook you for someone maybe loitering behind the older couple, realised his mistake and blurted out some nonsense when he realised. Could have been incident of antisocial behaviour or a complaint about dodgy young men hanging about and he reacted in error.
Hope your day gets better Flowers

Original poster
IceAndASlice123 · 21/08/2019 12:58

I do think looking back that maybe he had received a report of anti social behaviour. There were some teenage boys hanging about but the fact he had first looked me in the face and still thought I was male is really horrible.
Thanks for the kind words x

OP posts: