To ask for your help dealing with germs

[babysnowman]

Posting here for traffic...

Since having my first DC 4 months ago I’m becoming obsessive about germs. I think it stems from her being premature and us being in hospital after she was born where constant handwashing/ avoiding cross contamination was a big deal.

It’s mostly an issue around the house. For example, I’ll nearly always wash or sanitise my hands before touching DD. If anything of her things touch an ‘unclean’ surface I have to wash it. The unclean surface could be a table that hasn’t been wiped down, or the arm of the sofa. I’m also constantly washing or sanitising my hands between touching different objects, and cleaning the kitchen or bathroom is really stressful. We have a dog who I love to absolute bits but I’m getting paranoid about any dirt/ diseases she may bring into the house. I’m getting to the point where people wearing shoes in my house is making me anxious.

I do have anxiety, which manifests a lot through compulsions (I was taking medication but stopped when pregnant), but germs have never been one of my big triggers before now.

I don’t want this to get out of hand and it is already causing arguments with DH. Has anyone got any words of wisdom? I feel like if I get some common sense knocked into me (gently!) then I can stop this spiralling.

Sorry you've had a tough time babysnowman .

It sounds to me that you need help with your anxiety and not with germs. There's another thread running right now about how excessive "anti-germ" cleaning isn't healthy. Are you in a position to restart your medication?

Oh OP, I really sympathise - my DD was also prem and in SCBU for a week. Once when I was doing her cares on the ward I mixed up the bags of cotton wool for cleaning her face and body and had a crying fit because I thought I’d give her an infection .

I think it is important to be v hygienic when they’re newborn but at 4 months it’s fine to ease off a bit as she will be building her immunity. If everything she ever touches has been antibacced then she will never build any resistance and will likely get sick more.

Also she will be picking things up and putting them in her mouth soon (if she isn’t already), then you really do have to let go otherwise you’ll be even more stressed than you are now!

Could you speak to your Gp or health visitor for advice? for you, you sound like a lovely mum x

I don't have kids so can't relate in that aspect but have successfully overcome a massive ocd/germ problem I had for about 4-5 years so hopefully can help.

I started gradually. Eg. I Used to wash my hands after touching anything 'dirty' like a shoe etc. So stopped one thing at a time and saw that I didn't get ill after each time. If that makes sense. Each time it got less 'scary' and I realised what I was doing before was unnecessary as nothing bad happened. I was so bad that I couldn't even really eat a crisp without washing my hands before. Now im back to being not bothered.

Obviously I still practice basic hygiene but tried to do what most other people do as a benchmark for 'normal'- wash hands after the loo/before cooking etc. But not necessarily using hand sanitiser all the time etc. Maybe you could follow what your DH does until it becomes second nature

It sounds like you have underlying generalised anxiety disorder and your daughters birth has triggered a more severe episode. I think you probably need some counselling to talk through the trauma of her early days before it becomes an enforced behaviour. Better in the long run than being on meds if you can avoid them, but hopefully helpful either way. Good luck with it all.

Read this:
www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/science/2018/dec/30/children-leukaemia-mel-greaves-microbes-protection-against-disease

You could be doing her more harm than good and setting her up for a lifetime of a poor immune system. Germs are normal - being exposed to them is how our body develops its immune system. But I think it may have gone beyond a rational thing and would be worth speaking to your GP about.

Relevant part:

“For an immune system to work properly, it needs to be confronted by an infection in the first year of life,” says Greaves. Without that confrontation with an infection, the system is left unprimed and will not work properly.”
And this issue is becoming an increasingly worrying problem. Parents, for laudable reasons, are raising children in homes where antiseptic wipes, antibacterial soaps and disinfected floorwashes are the norm. Dirt is banished for the good of the household.

In addition, there is less breast feeding of infants and a tendency for them to have fewer social contacts with other children. Both trends reduce babies’ contact with germs. This has benefits – but also comes with side effects. Because young children are not being exposed to bugs and infections as they once were, their immune systems are not being properly primed.
“When such a baby is eventually exposed to common infections, his or her unprimed immune system reacts in a grossly abnormal way,” says Greaves. “It over-reacts and triggers chronic inflammation.”

Pregnancy can increase symptoms of GAD and OCD, which you exhibit symptoms of. Your triggers can change any time, in fact with OCD one of the main aspects is that it latches your anxiety to the things you care about most, which would obviously change when you have a baby. Speak to your Dr about medication (if you feel it helped before) and whatever you do, DON'T give in to your cleaning compulsions. Resist them, feel the anxiety and allow it to pass. Mindfulness can also help with this. If the Dr can refer you to a service that would also help, I did an online course (I think it was called silvercloud) and it helped my GAD/OCD a lot.

Oh bless you. I would speak to your gp about your anxiety and maybe your HV about what is a sensible level of hygene for your circumstances (eg, if you are using bottles, for when she starts going to playgroups etc)

You need to see your GP, sounds like your anxiety has gone a bit far, which is perfectly normal in the circumstances.

I'm sorry you both had a tough start but a few germs are ok. Babies are resilient little things. Just wait till she's licking pram wheels.

Thank you for all the kind replies, I was hoping to sort it out by myself but it seems like from the outside it's clear I need to go back to GP x

Realising you need a bit of help is the first step OP (I was the same with pnd). Best of luck to you xxxx

Interesting OP - so sorry I can't help, other than to show solidarity, but your thread has made me look rather critically at myself and realise that my fear of contamination is getting a little out of hand too.

It's come to a head thanks some general stress and yesterday I suddenly saw myself through my DHs eyes, being ridiculous. It's a long story but essentially I was wracked with horror because I ate a few crisps with my fingers after touching a bathroom door 20 mins earlier, and hadn't washed my hands in between...

I've been like it for years though. I hope you can get some outside help and maybe a short course of medication to take you out the other side. Good luck