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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think this child has fallen through the cracks?

23 replies

Pinotpleasure · 20/08/2019 10:29

AIBU to think that a 9 year old child who does not have special needs but is being raised alone by a mother (my sister) and has never attended school should not be illiterate and innumerate?

I’m shocked and saddened about this, but my sister does not ‘believe in rules and regulations’ and thinks that a child should never be subjected to tests or exams. She is supposedly home schooling but only does this for 20 to 30 minutes a day and if my nephew doesn’t want to learn anything and play with toys instead then she lets him. He has been told that if he goes to school he will be bullied. (I don’t understand this, she enjoyed going to school when she was a kid).

When she goes to work she sends him to a childminder (which she can barely afford) and I asked him what he does when he goes there. He said “Nothing. The childminder is busy with the babies”.

He can barely write a sentence. We were writing down colours and he was writing ‘pinck’ ‘grae’ ‘oring’ ‘perpl’ ‘silva’ ‘Blak’ ‘bule’ ‘wite’.

This can’t be right? My sister says that the home school co-ordinator at the local LEA never does any checks, she just tells her that as long as she is providing at least some education they are satisfied with that. My sister also said that she just meets up with other home schooling parents as a social event mainly for herself! Sadly my nephew doesn’t get to go to things like the scouts or join a sports team as my sister can’t be bothered to take him. I feel really sad for him but my sister is very, very defensive if I dare to make any comments (eg. About his lack of education and vaccinations as she is an anti-vaxxer as well.) We have no other family (apart from elderly parents) who can look out for him and I don’t know if there is anything I should do?

OP posts:

Embracelife · 20/08/2019 10:31

Call nspcc.
Report to ss.
Report to the lea.
They can check.

Zoeyclash · 20/08/2019 10:32

That's so sad. Missing out on an education is one thing, but that poor child sounds like he's missing out on so much more. Would you consider reporting her to social services? You could do it anonymously.

Doyoumind · 20/08/2019 10:43

What does she think is going to happen to him when she's gone? She's setting him up for a lifetime of being unable to work except in the very lowest paid jobs. Doesn't talking about that scare her?

Apolloanddaphne · 20/08/2019 10:46

Social services wont be able to do anything. If she has opted out of school from the start and he is otherwise well cared for SS will have no remit to intervene. Trust me. I am a SW and have tried previously to advocate for a child in similar circumstances but could do nothing.

PoptartPoptart · 20/08/2019 10:49

I’m not certain but I think the ‘childminder’ might be breaking some sort of law here? If she is a proper registered childminder and inspected by Ofsted that is? How can he be properly home educated if he is with a childminder all day who also has responsibility for babies?

Bubsworth · 20/08/2019 10:50

Wow he's going to end up resenting her. Poor boy.

whattodowith · 20/08/2019 10:51

Children who have never been to school can and do fall through the cracks. The LEA seemingly only check up on children who went to school then left. My friend homeschools and they check on her annually because her eldest did go to Reception.

You should contact the LEA regardless, they should do something (unsure what though). This is very sad.

Shouldcolder · 20/08/2019 10:51

I think you need to google Radical Unschooling.

ludothedog · 20/08/2019 10:54

Your poor nephew. Unfortunately your sister has every right to do this. There has been a significant rise in children who are being home educated by parents who don't have the ability to do so effectively. Not a lot SS can do unfortunately.

JustDanceAddict · 20/08/2019 10:54

I would call nspcc for advice. It doesn’t sound right to me at all.
If he’s 9 and can’t read/write then what’s going to happen when he gets to secondary and beyond?
I’m not a big fan of home schooling but I can see that if you attend the groups and get an education too from wherever then it’s fine. Children have to learn the basics at least and also learn to socialise in society.
Poor boy.

Spidey66 · 20/08/2019 11:08

Would the LEA as opposed to SS be able to act? It's not right that he's not receiving an acceptable level of education.

Apolloanddaphne · 20/08/2019 11:27

If a child has never been enrolled in school then the LEA have no say in the education of those children whatsoever.

ludothedog · 20/08/2019 11:31

Even if the child has been enroled, parents need to demonstrate their education plan, there is no testing of the child. Plan could be as little as a maths program on line, swimming lessons and watch ing documentary on tv.

isittheholidaysyet · 20/08/2019 11:34

I’m not certain but I think the ‘childminder’ might be breaking some sort of law here?

I don't think she is (From what I have read).
Childminder cannot provide the education, as a childminder. But the education provided by the parents (either by themselves or by the use of tutors, etc) does not have to take place during 'school hour's.

However if I was paying for a child minder I would expect them to be doing stuff with my child as I am paying for that; arts, crafts, games, trips, exercise etc.

Camomila · 20/08/2019 11:35

If LEA and SS are both unable to act is there anything you could do for him like once a week 'aunty library visits' or going to a local educational kids activity? Hopefully your sister will see that as caring auntie that wants to spend time with DN rather than criticism.

Of course I realise it's time/money/geography/health permitting.

ImMeantToBeWorking · 20/08/2019 12:33

Oh OP you have to do something. This is so sad.

I work in construction, and I have often given site inductions to men who can't read the forms that they are meant to fill out and sign, you can tell they are embarrassed when they have to ask you to go through the forms with them, I don't mind and I would never show it but I find it incredibly sad. They are always the men who show up and hour late so that no one else sees them asking for assistance.

Most jobs now require some basic level of training that will require you to read and write. She is setting him up for failure by not ensuring that he gets the best education possible. Maybe her fear is that he will leave for college or work and she does not want that, but that is still not fair on you DN.

Please please report her to SS. She has to be breaking some sort of law, like another parent with a child in mainstream school would be if they were not attending school!

Jamhandprints · 20/08/2019 12:43

Does she have a plan? I know home ed groups can be really helpful so maybe he is learning other things at those? And hopefully he has some friends there, so he is socialising with other children.
If he can write, as you said, phonetically, she must be teaching him something...albeit slowly.
For me, it would depend on whether she has a genuine plan or is just being lazy.
If he learns to read and write in the next couple of years he will still be able to take some exams as a teenager if he wants to. (Or as a young adult if his mum won't let him)
The LEA will have a home-school liaison officer so you could phone and speak to them for advice.

Curious2468 · 20/08/2019 12:51

It’s not uncommon for home educated children to not read until 9/10 and then over take their peers. That said I do know home Ed families like this who are surprised their kids can’t read but don’t actually put anything in place to help them.

It’s also possible the child may have dyslexia or similar or simply not be ready yet with reading and writing.

It’s def not a ss issue or a safeguarding concern though. Plenty of school children can’t read or write either sadly

CalpolOnToast · 20/08/2019 12:54

If the LA become aware that the child may not be being educated then they have a duty to investigate, they just aren't supposed to view all home edders with suspicion on principle. But it's really variable all over the country, some EHE advisors try to get kids doing timetabled work and it sounds like your sister's advisor has gone too far the other way!

Nautiloid · 20/08/2019 13:07

My friend in the US 'unschools' her kids. She writes a blog about how much they learn. Once she did a whole blog about how they looked out of the window for an hour and how much they learned watching a digger.
The eldest are teenagers, and can't read.
It's terrible. They will never be able to get a job.
Does she want him to learn to read and write?

Queenunikitty · 20/08/2019 13:07

My sister is a GP and she says there are more kids out there like this than you would think.

CarolDanvers · 20/08/2019 17:42

My friend homeschools and they check on her annually because her eldest did go to Reception.

This is not true. They check her annually because she allows them to. Legally she doesn't have to accept the visits whether the child was in school or not.

AngelicInnocent · 20/08/2019 17:43

Yep, been there with bil and sil. 6 year old still in nappies, barely understandable speech, can't read even the alphabet or count to 10. SS are not interested, he is not being abused, gets a wash and clean clothes twice a week, cereal for breakfast, sandwiches for other 2 meals but while this is not ideal, it's satisfactory! Younger sibling is going the same way.

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