Not putting father on birth certificate

[louise5754]

Recently I've seen posters say they gave the baby their surname and didn't put the father on the birth certificate and "it's the best thing they ever did" They also advise others to do the same.

If you're in a relationship with the babies father what makes you think to do this?

Genuine question.

To the people who left the father off the BC because he was abusive to you. He's still the child father isn't he? If he was a danger to the kid surely court wouldn't let him have access?

Hahahahaha.

Only it’s not funny.

Ok I never put my son fathers name on the birth certificate. He has my surname. Reasons are:

A. He was cruel during my pregnancy

B. Never bought anything for the DC arrival

C. Wanted me to have an abortion

D. He was uncontactable for the vast majority of my pregnancy.

At 8 months I received solicitors letter demanding to put him on the birth certificate I choose not to. I have not seen him in 12 years. My life would have been affected had I given my son his surname and named him. This is some of the ways how.

Son at a top private school (you need to write the DF name on application form and he has to sign due to legal rights). DF is a controlling asshole that would have turned my family's money and my DS ability into his thing that he has control off and possibly would have put a stop to it.

Holidays abroad and passport control we are away a lot

My son is on long term medication he would have interfered.

This man avoids Child Maintenance at all cost and has never once reached out to his son! I don't have an issue with naming him as the DF I did in his baptism certificate. What I do have an issue with is giving rights to a man with no commitment or relationship with his child. If the law had stayed the way as it was pre 2000 where unmarried men could be named in BC without rights, then I would have been fine. I think the best way forward is mothers can name the DF (even if DF refuses to attend), he can get a DNA is he refuted paternity and the choice is given to the unmarried mother weather she wants to give him parental rights at that moment and It can be added at a later date with ease.

I’m always torn on this. I do understand that some women don’t want an abusive or negligent father to have parental responsibility and all that entails and that makes perfect sense; but on the other hand, a birth certificate is a legal document and something which tells your child about their parentage and if you know who their father is but opt not to declare the information then you’re denying them that link. I suppose on balance, the former outweighs the latter.

What I genuinely don’t understand though is how (apparently) even if you don’t name the father on the BC you can still apply for child maintenance from him. If the BC conveys parental responsibility, how can someone have the responsibility of providing financially for children if legally and on paper they don’t have the responsibility of being their parent? Genuine question.

If your ex is on the bc you can be stopped from travelling abroad aswell without their permission which is annoying when your ex won’t even speak to you, why should I have to ask permission from someone I haven’t heard from in 2 years?

@soapona thank you that explains a lot. I can't believe how different things could have been just by putting his name on. Like I've said I'm not judging I'm asking a question.

@PumpkinP I agree

@ComtesseDeSpair

Hi

This is because the DF has to be there to be put on.

Ergo, they can refuse.

Ergo there has to be some method of calling them to account surely?

(My ex has paid me 0 maintenance, ever, he gets legal aide, I don't, got to love it)

ComptesseDeSpair some men don’t turn up to be registered on the bc, so by that definition a man could just not show up so that he doesn’t have to pay maintenance! I bet many wouldnt show up if that was the case as my ex would do anything possible to not have to pay.

My boys ‘father’ told me he wouldnt be around for them, asked me to abort etc and when i refused he ghosted me. I gave birth to my twin sons, texted him to let him know of their birth and he responded ‘Congrats’. Didnt hear from him again for 5 years and that was an accidental meeting. He sees them every few weeks or months now but even when i offered to add him to their birth cert he didnt respond. They would never have been given s different surname to me considering his actions.

I have my DC my name because we were not married. The dad was named on the birth certificate. When we married we re-registered the DC and got new birth certificates with his surname. It can’t be done the other way round!

Makes sense - thanks for answering.

@louise5754 Thank you. Perhaps another way of looking at is if a man was committed by marriage or by being very supportive during pregnancy and after childbirth. He rarely has anything to worry about it's just the Deadbeats. I agree a child should know their roots. I suspect with DNA ancestry testing there is no escaping this now.

So many mums could save themselves enormous hassle by not automatically putting the Dad on the birth certificate. An unmarried father can only be on the birth certificate with mother’s permission and only then does he get PR.

Having joint PR means he has the right to be involved in a huge number of the decisions until that child reaches 18. You won’t be able to take a shit without asking him if it’s OK (slight exaggeration but you get what I mean).

I’ve seen it lead to tears over and over again.

a birth certificate is a legal document and something which tells your child about their parentage and if you know who their father is but opt not to declare the information then you’re denying them that link

I solved that one by letting my dd know her father long before she was old enough to read her birth cert. Why do you need a legal document to tell you who your parents are?

Neither my dd nor her dd have the father on the birth cert. I fear we fall for the wrong type of men. I didn't because we were separated and he was abusive and controlling. I always allowed him to see our dd whenever he wanted to but I needed to know that I had enough control to put a stop to contact if it was harmful for her. He was a totally useless father until she became an adult and now they finally have a good relationship.

My dd was in an abusive relationship but fortunately followed my example and didn't put the father's name on the birth cert. They split up soon after the baby was born, but she bent over backwards to facilitate the father-daughter relationship until he attacked my dd a couple of years ago in front of the child.

There is a lot to be said for leaving fathers off birth certs if the mother has reason to believe it will not be in the interests of the child for such a person to have PR.

PS. I live in Mexico and you can't apply for child maintenance if the father is not on the cert.