to have told DP I won't be spoken to like this?

[DoomandGloomed]

Context: we've been together 1.5 years, have a very jokey way with each other, lots of teasing etc but there have been a few occasions when it's felt like DP has used this banter type dynamic to be straight up mean to me.

Once such incident was tonight in front of our (combined) DC when we were playing a guessing type board game and he basically called me a greedy pig for eating some sweets we were all sharing. It was related to the game but was far more heavy handed and personal than the rest of the chat. It's like he uses the cover of having a laugh to get a dig in at me and humiliate me.

I left the table and got my DC ready for bed and then went to bed to read. He came in ages later and asked if I was ok. I said I wasn't. Explained that I felt he had behaved in an incredibly mean-spirited way and that I wouldn't be spoken to like that in front of my DCh. I also said I just didn't get how he could be so unpleasant to someone he purports to love. I would never say anything nasty to him just to get a laugh.

His response: Sorry and he wasn't being personal. That's it.

Now he's snoring next to me 🙄😞.

He has lots of good points and yesterday I would've said we were in a really good place but now my head is fried. I am sensitive about my weight (have gained a bit lately) so am now second guessing myself, did I overreact?

AIBU?

Sorry but I do think you have massively over reacted.

This is always difficult in battery relationships. At some point you will hit a nerve.

If my bf says something I'll usually say "wow, that was quite mean" and then he knows that this went ovet the threshold.

Some people use banter as means to belittle other people, with some it genuine fun. It comes down to figuring put which type your partner is. And also if your banter is equal.

I 100% agree with pictish and iMatter. I dumped men with 'banter' for this reason. It's not funny, either, and 'joke', my arse - immature, belittling, not funny, more like.

If you think he went too far then he went too far. However he has apologised. If he does similar again then you'll have to have a serious word but for now you should try to let it go. As you're sensitive about your weight he has struck a nerve but if that's the case maybe you should try to be a bit healthier, but only because you want to not because of an insensitive comment.

It doesn't matter whether he meant it as a joke or not. You told him he'd upset you and he should have apologised, and done what he could to reassure you. The fact that he's done this in the past as well, and instead of apologising has told you you're being too sensitive, does not bode well.

If I was told I'd upset someone I loved, even inadvertently, I would do all I could to make them know how sorry I was, and to reassure them. It's what decent people do. I don't like the sound of this at all, and wonder if he does anything else that isn't nice.

I don't like men whose banter is basically bullying/belittling under the guise of being 'jokey'.

I think he touched a nerve and possibly said this in an actual joking manner but it feels differently because you are sensitive about it. It's entirely possible he meant nothing more about it. The actual issue here is how you communicate about these sorts of things afterwards (which will also show itself in other ways in your relationship). Perhaps find a time when you are both free to sit down and explore that. What response do you want when this happens? He did apologise but that did't feel enough for you so perhaps tell him what you do want and how you are left feeling.

Humiliating your partner or friend in front of other people is a really, really nasty trait deployed by those inadequate type of people who are trying to make themselves look better

Agree with pp, these types are not very good at being on the receiving end of such "banter". If he won't take your feelings into account and stop being a prick, then you can either fight fire with fire or ltb.

Update: we talked this morning. He apologised profusely, said he was gutted that I could think he would be intentionally nasty to me. Said that he was just trying to have a laugh with everyone and sees that he overstepped.

I admitted that I had overreacted based on my own sensitivities. I also said that I should have told him there and then that it was out of order rather than removing myself from situation. I did ask that he not make similar jokes in future now that he knows that these topics aren't ones I find funny. He fully agreed.

We then got on to another issue (sex related) in the relationship that is affecting my self-confidence and that probably exacerbated my response. Had a good, productive talk with resolutions made on both sides going forward.

So we've made up and now we move on. I will admit I do feel the tiniest bit wary though.

Thanks all.

I think you're going to feel wary for a while, but don't let it potentially spoil the relationship. Try to let it go and give it time for him to show he means his apology. If he does it again, pull him up straight way and then have another think about him.