To wish my mother in law contacted me more often?

8 replies

3LoudBoys · 19/08/2019 22:12

She never calls either of us, doesn't visit, asks no questions about our 3 children.

I try to keep her in the loop, calling every week, WhatsApp her pictures, made sure we visit every other month (she is 400 miles away).

It makes me so sad, my own mother passed away 2 years ago and it feels like I have this empty space that has grown even larger.

I thought I would see how long it would take for her to contact us, last time was when I text in June. 🙁

OP posts:

HennyPennyHorror · 19/08/2019 22:18

Oh I'm the same OP. I live a long way from my own Mum and she has dementia. MIL lives close to her own DD and her only child and spends a lot of time with them (naturally I understand) but I feel sad as MIL is my only Motherly person.

If I call her she's always happy to talk and stuff...and she'd be there in an emergency but it's not the same as a really invested MIL is it?

I try to see myself as a Mother and to be caring towards others where I miss someone caring for me...it kind of helps.

movingontosomethingnew · 19/08/2019 22:31

Mine lives 15 minutes away from me and I hear nothing. She's just not interested.

Facebook is another story. She puts the pictures up that I send her on WhatsApp (that she doesn't reply to) as if she's the worlds best grandmother. My son hasn't seen her since Christmas.

TabbyMumz · 20/08/2019 09:05

My in laws were the same. They just didnt ring....unless it was to tell us about some new illness they had. They wouldn't ask how the kids were and if their grandchildren answered the phone, they would say straight away "is your Dad there"? Not..Oh hello dear grandchild, how are you? My kids used to say "Dad, it's grandad, he doesn't want to speak to me..."

feelingverylazytoday · 20/08/2019 09:16

Perhaps she's read Mumsnet and doesn't want to be seen as pushy and intrusive?

Lweji · 20/08/2019 09:23

I'm really sorry for your loss, but you shouldn't count on her to replace your mother. Even if she was closer.

Surely she was like this before and you don't say how her own son feels. It could be lack of interest or she might not want to intrude.

By all means send her updates, ask about her, but that's a different relationship than with your mother.

Toneitdown · 20/08/2019 09:25

Perhaps she's read Mumsnet and doesn't want to be seen as pushy and intrusive?

Lol. I was thinking the same thing

Original poster

3LoudBoys · 20/08/2019 22:36

Thank you for the replies. My own mum was disabled after an accident so I wasn't able to have that relationship with her in the last 20 years. Thought getting married would bring extend my family circle but it hasn't at all. 🙁

OP posts:

MoaningMinnie1 · 20/08/2019 22:47

Toneitdown
Perhaps she's read Mumsnet and doesn't want to be seen as pushy and intrusive?

Lol. I was thinking the same thing smile
-

Me too! So many parents are afraid of being too clingy or needy with their grown up, married children and grandchildren. They are stiff, cannot relax and be casual. It becomes almost a permanent pose.

Op, please tell your mother in law how you feel, or get husband to tell her. That may be all it takes.

Flip