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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do I bother?

11 replies

Likethebattle · 19/08/2019 20:41

Just got a new job so texted my mother to tell her and all I got back was ‘I thought you were happy where you were?’ No congratulations or well done or anything :(. A few months ago I took a bad tumble down the stairs, I texted her afterwards to let her know and had no response at all, a few days later she texted to say her neighbour (who I never met) had diedConfused. Even if I call her it’s akways the same response before she starts talking about folk I don’t know. I’ve never had a well done or sympathy in my whole life from her. AIBU to wonder why I even bother telling her anything?

OP posts:
HugoLast · 19/08/2019 20:45

I know it's not the point, but well done on your new job.

Original poster
Likethebattle · 19/08/2019 20:47

Thanks @HugoLast., DH just gave me a cuddle and said he was proud of me (I think he wants to steal my crisps though lol).

OP posts:
Cassilis · 19/08/2019 20:49

Could she be a bit jealous?

IsobelRae23 · 19/08/2019 20:52

Congratulations on your new job.

I’m NC with my mum and LC with my dad. I have bipolar, fibromyalgia and hyper mobility syndrome amongst other things. They NEVER asked how I was. I would say I’ve been struggling the last few weeks and on anti psychotics to make sure my mood doesn’t elevate to much. I’d have ‘mmmm well can you drive me to X tomorrow, then take me to the tip, and on Monday your dad wants you to take him to hospital and so on’. I’d be like 😧we are trying to prevent me getting admitted to the psyc ward right now!!’

Original poster
Likethebattle · 19/08/2019 20:53

@cassilis I don’t think so, she’s been retired for years and wasn’t even bothered that I was injured a month or so ago. When I broke my elbow and had to go to A&E as a young adult she just complained that they would miss coronation street by driving me. No sympathy or asking if I was ok!

OP posts:
Original poster
Likethebattle · 19/08/2019 20:54

Oh @IsobelRae23 that’s a shame, I hope you are ok. Yes it would just be nice to have them take a moment to ask after you or be pleased for you.

OP posts:
KingaRoo · 19/08/2019 21:04

Do you think she might have a mental health condition herself? Some conditions can make people have dead/flattened emotions.

Otherwise, she's just selfish. My DB is like this. He has never once in his life asked anything about me or shown any sympathy or interest in my life. Never even thanks me for birthday gifts!

Original poster
Likethebattle · 19/08/2019 21:14

I don’t believe so apart from being self absorbed. It’s just that everything she has to say is so important she talks at you and then used to accuse me of never shutting up. I o cement home from work
When I lived at home and had to say ‘woah can you just not talk at me for two minutes’, it was constant from the moment I got through the door. If I had anything to say it was barely acknowledged.

OP posts:
Kittypillar · 19/08/2019 21:30

Oh OP, I feel you on this. My dad and my grandmother (his mum) have got some serious form for this. To this day I don't think my dad has ever asked when we chat on WhatsApp how I am or his granddaughter is. It's a shame.

My nan is the same, not sure if that's why he's like that... I once had a conversation with my nan after I had a really nasty ankle fracture that went like this.

Me: How are you?
Grandmother: Oh you know us, same old.... Well, we did go to M&S the other day. And your grandad has a doctor's appointment for his annual check up on Friday. Oh and apparently our Nathan has got divorced...

(Literally talks without taking a breath for 30 minutes without asking me how I am or giving me chance to get a word in edgeways)

Me: Okay well, I've got to go soon, need to get upstairs for bed and that will be a struggle. Did I tell you I fractured my ankle? Been an absolute nightmare with a toddler...
Grandmother: oh no, you didn't tell me that... Oh well, we'd better go, I've not been feeling too great today. Think my back is playing up again...

Honestly, i didn't even have words for that...

Seriously feel your pain OP Flowers but huge congratulations on the new job! That's wonderful!

nearlynermal · 19/08/2019 21:33

So sorry, OP, that's so painful. But well done on the DH. Sounds like you found a good'un there.

Original poster
Likethebattle · 19/08/2019 22:14

He is a good ‘un, @Kittypillar yeah my mum was bad when she said her neighbour had died a few days after my fall I said ‘did you get my message that I feel down the stairs in the house?’ ‘Oh was it your stairs?’ That was it, no asking if I was ok or if I was injured (luckily I got more of a fright as I somersaulted) down the full flight!

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