Completely frazzled - struggling to cope

[justshattered]

I'm posting on here because I don't know where else to turn really.

I run my own business and although I enjoy what I do (mostly), it's very high pressure. I struggle to keep on top of the workload and hate to turn down any projects that come my way due to fear of losing clients.

On top of this my house is an absolute mess - it was quite tired and dated inside when we (DH and I) bought it and we're currently having some building work done to improve certain aspects (but by no means all). However, the builders just arrived today and already much of the house is coated in a thick layer of dust and general grime - it's grim. They're here for three weeks!

To be honest staying on top of the housework, cooking and cleaning has always been a massive struggle. I wear the same few outfits over and over because I don't have time to buy more clothes. My jeans have actually started to fray in places because I'm in them practically every day!

I try to meal plan but often end up too busy to cook from scratch and so food ends up thrown away. I've got loads of "stuff" I no longer want around the house but don't have time to put on Ebay and deal with all the hassle of that, so it just sits there in corners.

On top of this I've been drinking heavily to combat the stress - it helps me relax in the evenings and gives me some "escapism", but then of course I don't sleep well and feel groggy the next day - and because I'm feeling low I'll repeat the cycle the following evening. I've been on a bottle of wine a day recently and I think it's suddenly hit me - tonight I feel quite achy, like I'm coming down with something.

Couple all this with just trying to keep on top of everything - my out-of-control garden, maintaining some sort of social life, doctors and dentists appointments (I haven't seen a dentist in about four years and am really worried about my teeth) and I just feel completely burnt out.

Apologies for the length of this - I just needed to rant. Does anyone have any advice?

OP sounds like you are going through a really difficult time. You sound like you’re already suffering from burnout. What you have to ask yourself is, unless you make some changes now, where will it end? You’re already drinking too much to help you cope with it and it’s making things worse.
In terms of work, taking on too much may mean that you compromise on quality. It’s fine to say to potential clients you don’t have capacity now but will do in x many weeks. I don’t think this will put cliebts off but actually increase demand, my old boss was a family lawyer and she was excellent, she regularly turned work down or put off new clients as she was too busy.
The other thing from your post is it sounds like you are putting pressure on yourself to be perfect. You’ve got builders in, you run a business, you’re home is likely to be a bit messy during that tone. Can you get a cleaner?
As for cooking from scratch, again it seems like you are expecting too much from yourself. How about quick fresh meals like stir fry or fajitas? Even jacket potato and scrambled eggs are quick and reasonably healthy.
Try to ease the pressure you put on yourself z

I know exactly how you feel with the housework etc getting out of control, since returning to work from mat leave my house is a tip. It builds up and up so that you can't face even starting it as it seems too big a mountain to climb. My advice just do a little bit per day (what you can around builders at the mo)- one evening spend 30 mins hoovering, the next online clothes shopping etc. Once you start you'll feel a little bit better and it snowballs. Hopefully working for me anyway.
A bottle of wine per night is way too much, as you know. If you can't stop by yourself seek help. You'll feel so much clearer headed when you do.
You also mention a DP. Does he/she help with household tasks? Do they know how you feel/how much you drink per night? If not time to have a talk. Things can get better.

Thanks so much for your replies Lelli and Jeds.

I definitely feel pressure to be “perfect” - cooking meals from scratch and having a home that always looks visitor ready. Obviously I’m failing dismally on both counts.

Tonight I’ve stayed off the booze, cleaned out the fridge (I feel terrible at the amount of food I’ve let go to waste again). I also cooked a readymade oven meal for dinner and guess what - the sky didn’t fall in.

Can I recommend a book I’ve just finished? It’s the chimp paradox by prof Steve Peters.
I listened to it on audio. I feel a lot like you and I’m optimistic this book is going to help me a lot.

Thanks, I will look into it.

Just keeping on top of day to day life is so damn hard!

I would definitely say to cut out the alcohol. I find that I can't sleep at all when I have had some wine and I feel exhausted and overwhelmed by everything the next day, which is not the way I want to be in the working week.

I would also say decluttering has massively helped to clear my mind too. Less mess to tidy each day and makes you feel more positive about your house. If you feel you wouldn't get much for selling it on eBay, I would just take it to charity shops. Sometimes you can wait forever for the time to sell stuff- I found it easier to give things away for free on selling pages or go to charity shops/clothes banks to just get rid of things that were cluttering up my house.

Thanks Lottie. I’m planning to tackle some of the piles of stuff today, if I can muster the motivation...

I run a business too. You need to delegate as much as you can really to get some time back for yourself x