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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby or a toddler in a building site??

18 replies

BoomyBooms · 19/08/2019 18:36

Sorry for the long read! It's a bit complicated though...

DH and I bought a Victorian terrace that needs a lot of work, and we've lined up architects and builders etc to start on essentially knocking down the back half of our house (dining room and kitchen) to make one big open plan kitchen diner. We also need them to replace floors, carpet upstairs, new bathroom, and paint walls etc. It's a lot of work!

I am also nearly 16 weeks pregnant with our first child... It was a bit of a surprise and we found out after we already had the ball rolling with getting this work done. My due date is 6th Feb so the builders have a deadline.

My problem is that our builder has really put the frighteners on us today He can't start work until end of October and has strongly suggested that we should put this off for another year, in case it can't all be done by February. He has concerns about me breathing in dust while pregnant too. The fact that he is a dad of two, and a really nice guy, means he has more experience of having a newborn than we do! However he has said that if we are determined to press on, he thinks he can hopefully have most of it done by February and should be the last few bits of fitting kitchen appliances and painting etc outstanding.

DH and I think surely it must be easier to get this work done now, before the baby arrives, even if it drags over a while to when the baby is here. Surely having a 12-18 month old toddling around, picking things up, having to entertain them with a house full of builders etc would be harder.

AIBU to crack on and get it done now even if it means work is happening when the baby is here? Please help!

OP posts:

TheTrollFairy · 19/08/2019 18:40

Are they doing it in stages so you have dust free areas?
Can you stay with a parent for a bit when the baby is born if they haven’t finished?

My 2 sil put off having work done to their house till the youngest was 6months for 1 and 18months for the other so they must have been told that a toddler age is better than this stage

financialdisasterzone · 19/08/2019 18:42

It's tough doing work with a newborn but so much harder when you have a toddler! Do you have any friends/family that you could go to when there are any particularly dusty jobs? We escaped to our ILs for a week whilst the retiring was completed & got proper cleaners in afterwards too rather than stress about doing it ourselves.

But definitely just do it now: you will also appreciate that open plan living when you have a toddler & are trying to make tea/watch them at the same time!

Expressedways · 19/08/2019 18:47

Yes I agree it makes sense to crack on and start ASAP providing you can guarantee your house will be fully water tight and have heating by the time the baby is born, baring in mind that you might go into labour early. If there’s any possibility of bringing a newborn home in the middle of winter to a freezing house with no roof (or some similar scenario) then I’d suggest you wait until the summer to start the work.

I’d then prioritise getting your bedroom done, as that is where the baby will sleep initially, and for your own comfort at least one bathroom. If the kitchen work will still be ongoing when the baby comes then set up a temp kitchen with a microwave for cleaning/sterilising baby equipment e.g. bottles or breast pump and so you can sort quick meals/cups of tea. It will help immensely if you have your laundry facilities sorted too.

Good luck

Original poster

BoomyBooms · 19/08/2019 19:05

Thank you so much for your replies!

I forgot to mention, part of the reason I want to get it done sooner is because the house was basically in a hoarder-type condition when we moved in. Completely unsanitary. Although we've scrubbed as much away as possible, we still have rotting floors downstairs and snails all over the place at night, damp patches, and carpets I don't want to put a newborn down on!

TheTrollFairy builder seems to think the dust will get everywhere, regardless of how we do it. He will put up temp doors etc to try to seal off the worst though. I could potentially stay with in-laws for a while, and they live walking distance so could walk there and back to spend the day with a newborn if necessary.

financialdisasterzone yes I could spend some time at my in-laws. Unfortunately we can't completely move in with them because we have a dog who would definitely start WW3 with their cat! Good idea about cleaners though, and yes I can imagine how lovely it will be to put baby down in a clean safe space while I make a coffee!!

Expressedways I'm pretty sure it will be all sealed up in time. It's mainly internal walls coming down, and I feel like walls and building the new section, plus doors and windows are probably amongst the first things they will be doing. Wed know in December if they weren't on track and that would give us time to sort something... Haha yes I feel like a microwave is the only bit of kitchen kit I'll need, pretty sure I won't want to be knocking anything more than a cheese toasty together for a while!

OP posts:

bridgetreilly · 19/08/2019 19:09

Just remember the Grand Designs Law that all building work will take twice as long and cost twice as much as planned, and you'll be fine.

Coconutbug · 19/08/2019 19:17

Dust gets EVERYWHERE no matter how much you cover / seal things up. I think it would be better to crack on with the work now and get it out the way! Then you can enjoy your new home whilst you are on mat leave and not when you are due to go back to work (if you are) definitely would be harder with a toddler there!! Esp having work done and nap times etc

Original poster

BoomyBooms · 19/08/2019 19:46

bridgetreilly I really hope that's not how this ends up!! But yes there's a good chance it will take longer than expected, hence our builders concerns...

Coconutbug you are echoing my thoughts... Thank you for the vote of confidence!

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 19/08/2019 19:53

Op, the fact that you want to remain in the property whilst they do the work will mean it will take longer and cost more. We had renovations a couple of years ago, and had nowhere else to stay. It took a couple of weeks longer, which meant a couple of weeks more of wages. Also, it was VERY hard living in all the mess. This wasn't in summer so heating wasn't an issue. For a week I had to go to the local supermarket each morning to use the loo and have a wash as we only had a bucket to use 🤣
I wôuldnt do it again.

Intheupsidedown · 19/08/2019 20:02

Similiarish situation to you OP.

I have a 2 year old and currently 5 months pregnant. Have just started the process of having 2 major walls removed, new roof, kitchen and other bits. Expected finish is mid October but I am prepared that I may have a baby and a unfinished house.

But I have a contained room for me and the toddler which some dust will come in but be minimal. I also have safe havens lined up and worst case we have scoped some air bnbs that I could possibly escape to.

As long as you have a plan of action it is doable. If anything get a kettle and essentials into your bedroom or the baby's Room. TV in your room with DVD player or Netflix and be prepared to camp.

If water is going to be switched off have bottled water to hand. And if its Feb get some plug in heaters just in case.

Original poster

BoomyBooms · 19/08/2019 20:22

Soontobe60 my nearest.supermarket is a Waitrose, so it would probably be nicer than my bathroom is now!! Jk, sounds like you really went through it. Hope you're happy with how it turned out after sacrificing all that!

Intheupsidedown thank you for posting!! They'd have to run over quite a bit for you to still have building works going when you have the baby... Fingers crossed for you. Yes we have scoped out air BnB, and I could stay with in-laws or possibly my DHs aunt who is also local. I think I'll ask my midwife what she thinks about dust exposure, and hopefully if I take sensible precautions (we can switch bedrooms to be further away from building works, section off areas etc) would only need to consider this if the baby is born and the house is really in no fit state. Good luck with your work!!

OP posts:

Scotinoz · 19/08/2019 20:23

Do the work now! We moved into a fixer upper with an almost 2 and 3 year old. It wasn't fun 😩

MindyStClaire · 19/08/2019 20:50

Similar boat here, although the work isn't as big. We have a one year old and I'm 7 weeks pregnant. We're going to aim to press on (although we haven't actually done anything about it...). I don't want to spend my maternity leave with builders in the house so that rules out next summer, and it'll be easier with one toddler than two. If you're working now, it'll be better to come home to a dusty ruined house every evening than to be stuck in it all day with a baby!

EssentialHummus · 19/08/2019 21:02

God, do it now. We had similar - bought and needed to do significant work, so we were only in for a week or so (and living in a building site!) when DD was born. It was total chaos and we didn't know where anything was. But she's now 2, and recent much smaller works have made our lives very difficult - because having to vacate your house for full days with a toddler (who may be particular about where they sleep etc) is really tough. Plus you have much less headspace to plan, deal with builders etc. Do it now!

Cathster · 19/08/2019 21:09

Definitely do it before baby!

We had major building works done when I was about 12 weeks pregnant with DD2. DD1 (then 2) and I moved in with my parents for the majority of the heavy building work, it made the builders lives a lot easier as they could just focus on doing the work rather than trying to make sure the space was habitable for us when they'd finished for the day.

If you can't move out whilst the building-heavy work is being done just try and keep contained to away from the area where they're working, set up a little fridge etc. I hated it at the time (we would come over every day to check it out) as the dust was so thick, there were tools everywhere and it felt like it would never get clean again. However there's no way I'd have been able to cope having DD1 running around the place at the same time, she certainly wouldn't have kept out of the building site!

Original poster

BoomyBooms · 19/08/2019 21:15

MindyStClaire really good point about me being able to avoid a lot of it by being at work, I hadn't thought of it that way but you're so right. Good luck with your build!

EssentialHummus I love your conviction, please will you make all of my decisions for me?? Jokes aside, I value your lived experience- thank you! I'm reading all the comments to DH and this one hit the mark.

OP posts:

PoohBearsHole · 19/08/2019 21:15

Do it now, builders might pull their weight a bit more. Also you want to know where you are financially with it so whilst you still have two regular incomes (sorry am assuming you do!) do it.

We’ve done it twice whilst pregnant and it’s stressful but not insurmountable!

Orangedaisy · 19/08/2019 21:23

I agree, get on with it now.

Just be extra careful with your mental health once baby comes. We built a house from scratch, moving into a building site with a 3 year old and 10 month old having sofa surfed for 4 months beforehand after running out of money for temporary accommodation. Nearly 2 years later I am still recovering (and it’s not done yet). It’s REALLY hard doing this stuff with little kids and your usual strong capacity for stress/logical mind/confidence can crumble very easily. Not saying this to scare you, more to reassure that it’s not just you if you do find it tough.

EssentialHummus · 19/08/2019 21:38

Oh, and your finances may have taken a knock during mat leave, so that can mess with your building plans too.

I have a lovely photo on my phone of me with an ENORMOUS belly, camped out on a mattress in our bedroom (which we'd commandeered from the builders who were still in literally every other room), and in the corner of the room is the table with kettle and microwave (with two cups and two plates) that made up our kitchen.

I honestly worried that the health visitor would report us. (She didn't.)

Good times

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