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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worst case scenario on MN

40 replies

shithappens123 · 19/08/2019 16:53

Pretty much on a daily basis there are women (and men) who suspect that their partner is spending time with a member of the opposite sex.

The OP who it seems is looking for reassurance that it’s quite normal for men and women to be friends and that they are being paranoid... instead this is what usually happens:

LTB he is having an affair
LTB is he probably going to have an affair
LTB remember that time in 2004 when you caught him wanking to a lady gaga video

Nobody really knows what they would do in that position and the advice on here seems very black or white (of course you get the posters who offer genuine empathy)

AIBU to suggest that a lot of advice on here is not the best?

OP posts:
Original poster
shithappens123 · 19/08/2019 20:50

As unfortunate as that is, doesn’t mean it happens to everyone. Not all men are the same.

OP posts:
StockTakeFucks · 19/08/2019 20:58

Considering 2 women a week in the UK are killed by a partner or by a former partner,too many men are the same.

59 already this year, and that's just the ones that have been found and the police have arrested a suspect/it went to court.

There was a women on here yesterday with finger marks on her neck from her partner ffs. I'm sure it was just a mistake.

Original poster
shithappens123 · 19/08/2019 21:03

And for all those statistics there are many where couples work together through their problems. Bloody Hell we aren’t talking about extreme cases here, talk about being over dramatic Hmm

OP posts:
wotsittoyou · 19/08/2019 21:22

I do think that some posts are unreasonably intolerant. Their authors would probably respond that they simply have higher relationship standards than I. However, I worry that they dilute the advice given about truly harmful behaviours. For example, somebody posted recently about her partner verbally/emotionally abusing their disabled child. She was told that he was a wrongun' and that he needed kicking out, but the same is said about partners who avoid housework. She could very well think "Well everyone always says ltb, I've seen it said about sortable situations, perhaps this is also sortable". I mean, what are we supposed to say? "This time we're really really serious!"? Some language needs to be reserved for the worst cases, otherwise it loses its gravitas.

womaninthedark · 19/08/2019 21:26

Maybe the posters have been through shit and don't want others to suffer as they did. LTB is often good advice, when people are being abused, undermined, downtrodden by their partners.

BertrandRussell · 19/08/2019 21:33

I honestly don’t think anyone says LTB unless there is a rally good reason for it. However, I almost always say “dump” when I read a post about a very new relationship which is making the OP confused and unhappy, or a longer one where it is obvious that there is emotional abuse going on. Because the older I get the more I realise that if you’re not happy in the first few weeks, Ito sure as hell isn’t going to get better with time. And emotional abusers always get worse, not better.

StockTakeFucks · 19/08/2019 21:41

Because the older I get the more I realise that if you’re not happy in the first few weeks, Ito sure as hell isn’t going to get better with time. And emotional abusers always get worse, not better.

YY

TreacherousPissFlap · 19/08/2019 21:45

I posted on here some time ago about a fairly minor issue DH and I were having.
Within three posts I was told how he didn't respect me, men like him never change, DS would be bound to grow up to be a shocking husband and I really owed it to everybody to LTB.
Fortunately I'm reasonably level headed and dismissed most of the more potty responses - I do however work in a job where I regularly deal with women who would take this advice as absolute gospel Confused

Original poster
shithappens123 · 19/08/2019 21:51

TreacherousPissFlap But for those who take their advice as gospel, what happens to them?

I do think many posters on here project their own misery on others.

OP posts:
willstarttomorrow · 19/08/2019 22:04

I am a CP professional of several years and my bread and butter work is domestic abuse/toxic relationships. The advice given out on these forums is usually naive at best. The reality is that because every one has been in a relationship or have been exposed to relationships or have been parented/ been a parent etc. they are an expert. It is the same with education. I know that everyone thinks they can do my job, because it is just common sense and whipping kids to the magical foster carers for a happy ever after. Lots of parents I work with want to stay together and a lot of the work I do is making that be safe for everyone.

AuntieStella · 19/08/2019 22:14

If you think people are giving wrong advice, then it's probably better to post what you think is better on the thread itself.

Certainly preferable to denigrating MN and MNetters in the round

looondonn · 19/08/2019 22:16

Such utter nonsense on this thread
Honestly

Fwiw the very kind people on here saved my life
I did not know how to leave an abuser - heck I wasn't even sure if he was abusing me (the bruises were never on my face etc)

Thank god they spelt it out to me numerous times

Original poster
shithappens123 · 19/08/2019 22:17

No I’m just saying that their are many on here gave bad advice.

OP posts:
looondonn · 19/08/2019 22:17

Posters on here project their misery on others

Like seriously op

That is quite the statement

UTTER NONSENSE

UTTER NONSENSE

Original poster
shithappens123 · 19/08/2019 22:58

It’s true

OP posts:
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