To think this is psychological and ask for advice.

[picklejimmy]

I have a problem with food. I am very overweight and have no self control. I'm so angry at myself for not being able to stop.
I eat all the time. Even when I'm not hungry.
I put on loads of weight with my pregnancy (9 years ago!) and then lost it all with slimming world and stopped/doing it for various reasons. I am now heavier than Ive ever been.
I think it's a psychological thing. I was basically starved as a child and I have very vidid memories of being so hungry I was dizzy. Sorry if that's an over share but I think that's where it stems from. I diet and do well for a week or so and then I slip back into how I was before.
I need advice on how to stop being like this. I feel disgusting. Is there any things I can do to stop myself.
I feel so stupid posting this but I'm not really sure what to do.

Just read whole thread and trying not to get too angry about the way some posters have been treated as kids.

With food, I think even little experiences as kids can affect us as adults. DH seems to like to squirrel away some meals and eat them on his own. It’s usually takeaways. He may eat a starter with me and the kids but will often eat the main course later than us, on his own, a long time after I’ve cleared up! (So annoying, that bit!)

I don’t think there was a lot of food to go round sometimes in his house growing up. 3 generations, 4 active teenage boys, redundancy etc His parents tend to put out quite small portions even these days when they have enough money, so god knows what portion sizes they had to give people when there were 8 mouths to feed and little money coming in. Photos of the growing boys show them as very skinny. My theory is that DH often didn’t quite get enough food to himself as a kid, and that’s why he squirrels away his takeaway to eat alone, as his brain is wired so that it thinks someone will just take some. Even now he HATES places that do sharing plates especially when out with colleagues.

It could just be a daft theory of course, but I’m convinced that childhood experiences of food follow us all the way through into adulthood.

I remember once being about 6yrs old and being so hungry I could barely see. We went to the shop so my mother (can barely call her that) could buy tabacco and I stole one of those fried egg sweets, you know the 1p Tony sweets, because I was so hungry and I ate it and it completely filled me up. That's a very vivid memory that always comes back to me.

You know how some of the sugar comes off and goes on the plate/container? Well, after finishing the biscuit, he would repeatedly lick his fingers for at least 20 mins later so that every last grain of sugar stuck to his fingers so that he could lick it off. Seriously there would be not one grain left in the container by the time he had finished. And, you know how when you peel a banana, sometimes the “string” separates from the banana? I have never known anyone to eat the separate stringy bit as the texture is a bit odd on its own and most find it unpleasant. But he would detach the rest of the “string” and eat that first on its own before eating the rest of the banana I also do this and crumbs from toast, biscuits etc. It seems so weird now, I've never seen my dp do that.

curlyhairedassasin I think you're spot on there.

You see, Pickle, it’s simply not your fault. You are not to blame for the failure of your mother to ensure you had the very basics. Your story about the single sweet filling you up made me both and .

Maybe once you stop seeing yourself as weak, and labelling yourself as such, then you might feel a bit stronger and more able to ignore the inner voice telling you you need to eat.

I don’t know if you’re able to try it, but I have managed to stay a healthy weight most of my life by only eatingaccording to my hunger (and it does help that I tend to stick to fairly healthy ish foods, I’m not finding of things like sausage rolls and McD’). I take the right portion depending on how hungry I am and usually don’t have more if I stop and think “do I actually FEEL hungry?” If I don’t, then I usually don’t take more. The sheer deliciousness of some meals does make me eat more than I need to though occasionally and then I feel sick and feel guilty about my greed, especially when there are people starving in this world. So I do recognise how easy it is to overeat even though you don’t NEED the food.

But I think with some people just the act of putting food in their mouth without thinking is an automatic thing, they have detached it from their feelings of hunger, for whatever reason. You know the reason for yours, so do you think maybe you could stop and think “now, do I really NEED this whole packet of biscuits,,right now? Really? They will still be there in the cupboard if I genuinely needed them later!”

Maybe if you have a lovely, understanding partner, who is fully aware of where your issues come from and who wants to help you stop these bad habits, you can both agree that he can gently ask you “do you still feel hungry for those?” if he notices you taking things he knows you don’t need, and that may prompt you to pause and think about it more?

I don’t know, OP, I am not a counsellor or anything, I just think from what I’ve seen from friends and relatives who are more overweight than they would like that their eating habits ARE different to mine and wonder if it literally is that, for them, a habit.

It is a habit that I need to break. Dp is lovely and already does ask me about what I'm eating and gently suggests that I exercise but I snap at him because in my mind (which is wrong I know this) that means he thinks I'm too fat and I'm gross and it makes me feel even worse. I hate that I do that.

I'm an off and on binge eater. I sometimes watch episodes of My 600lb life.

It's terrifying and makes me feel far more motivated. Watching it seems to flick some kind of switch for me. I don't ever want to get like that.

Just wanted to say I have a similar difficulty. Food was in the house but heavily restricted in childhood and as a result I stole handfuls of " treats" during the night etc and have grown up to become obese and obsessed with food. I distinctly remember stealing dry weetabix to fill up on.

I fill my cupboards and fridge excessively because I panic about having no food. I eat when I'm happy, eat when I'm sad, eat all the time. Every night I promise myself the next day I'll stop eating so much but it's like a compulsion.

Oddly I hadnt considered therapy as I just assumed I'm greedy / it was one of my autistic traits and no one would be able to help but I may look into it now

It's comforting to know others feel like and have this problem too. I'm going to the Dr's tomorrow about therapy. I also had a look at Paul Mckenna (it came up when I searched overeating) i can make you thin and it looks like a good way to start tackling my relationship with food. Even if I do hate the title.
Thank you everyone for being kind and having great advice.

That sounds very difficult fan The problem is you’re replicating the childhood situation again, but in your own head. The adult you is saying ‘ I have control, you will do as I say’ while the child you is panicking and saying ‘no I’m eating whenever I get the chance’. You can change that with some help.
I wonder if you were less tough on yourself it might help you a bit? When that feeling of anger and shame comes over you every night can you try to think about some of the good things you’ve done that day. The voice that’s saying ‘control yourself’ isn’t very helpful to you right now because it’s meeting such strong resistance from ‘feed yourself’.

I've got an appointment with the Dr next week so will definitely try to ask about therapy.
I started trying the Paul mckenna thing today, so far so good. Slowing down my eating seems like a good thing to do. I usually wolf things down but I took my time with breakfast today and I've not eaten since and not felt hungry.

The problem is you’re replicating the childhood situation again, but in your own head. The adult you is saying ‘ I have control, you will do as I say’ while the child you is panicking and saying ‘no I’m eating whenever I get the chance’
This is exactly it I think.

@dollydaydream114

I'm in the fortunate position of being able to afford personal training with ease, but I STILL had to convince myself it was worth while.

I mean - my health, my well being, my confidence. I STILL had to put a pricetag on them, and convince myself I was worth fixing, when I could comfortably afford to do so.

Well today has been awful. I was doing well then around midday I had found my beloved pet had died (she's nocturnal but usually wakes up for lunch then back to sleep). I'm absolutely devastated and went straight to food. What is wrong with me?!

pickle oh that’s so sad! I’m so sorry!

You’re literally eating your feelings - having sadness is so difficult that you’re dealing with it through putting things in your mouth.

It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to just feel sad. Drink some water, go for a walk, have a cry. Just feel sad.

Thank you. Ive stopped eating now, it's a lot less then what it would have been.
I've been crying all day, she was mine and my dps first ever pet :(

Oh, dear, Pickle, I’m really sorry. Please don’t beat yourself up about eating like you have in this situation. ALL of us, even those of us who don’t have any specific issues around food, would be rooting for a bar of chocolate or packet of biscuits if we were experiencing grief. I think that the way our society views such such foods as “treats” in means that when we are sad, we try to make ourselves a bit happier by treating ourselves in some way. For many many people, that would be something sweet.

Give yourself permission not to beat yourself up about this.

Thank you,
I had a much better day yesterday, I didn't snack at all on unhealthy things, when I thought I needed unhealthy snack food I had some raisins and some fruit. Feeling proud of myself today :)

That’s good, you’re right to feel proud of yourself. You could try some distraction techniques as well, putting on handcream for example? Definitely make sure you’re keeping hydrated.
CBT would help you I think. You wouldn’t be dealing with the roots of your behaviour, but the effects would be more controlled.

I've got an appointment with the Dr next week to talk to him about it all :) whenever I'm getting the urge to binge on junk food I try to think of better things I could be doing. It's working OK so far.
But I do need to address the root of it too.