AIBU to use free play provision with free food when I don't need to?

[caroloro]

My husband and I are fortunate in that we can often work from home and so have been trying to manage the summer holidays with the kids at home (Dd 7 and Ds 12) rather than at playscheme etc not because we can't afford it but because the kids don't like it (Dd goes to the one she enjoys, but it's only short days Tues and Thurs - my kids aren't sporty, and the only options are all day sports sessions at the leisure centre, holiday clubs in preschool day nurseries, with all the babies etc still there, or two days a week at the one she likes).

The local play service has set up free, open access play provision 9.30-1 and 1.30-3, morning and afternoon sessions in different locations in town. The stated aim is to provide access to stimulating opportunities for play and socialising, and to combat food poverty. Breakfast and lunch is provided at the morning session.

We live in a fairly affluent area, and of course there are pockets of deprivation, and the location of these two play provisions reflect that spread.

This morning I took my Dd to the play provision, just to give her some structure and interesting activity, as both myself and dh need to work, and she's pretty easy to have around but keeping herself occupied all day for weeks on end is a massive ask.

I know as I'm writing this that I'm probably not being unreasonable, but by accessing this it almost feels like I'm taking advantage of something that wasn't meant for me, in terms of the food poverty aspect.

AIBU to access this play provision, and free meals, for my daughter?

It depends - if you’re using the space does that mean somebody who needs it more can’t go?

Could you discreetly ask if they accept donations?

Are there limited spaces? I.e. did you being there mean that someone else was turned away?

Depends really. How many spaces do they have? Are there lots of spaces left? If so, then you're fine to use it I would say. If you're taking a space from someone who can't afford to do something else then I wouldn't take it. I would also offer a donation if you can do so discreetly

Make a donation?

Unless there are limited spaces so a child who the play provision and food was aimed at is missing out, YANBU.

I agree about offering a donation or else you can put extra in your local food bank.

Some of the similar schemes here got cut, mainly because they weren’t benefiting the target audience who were sharp elbowed out of the way, so on that point yabu.

But, if there are free places still available for those who genuinely need them, and you make a very generous donation to whichever food bank is providing the free food, as those donating it didn’t do so for your benefit, then it isn’t doing any harm.

We have a similar scheme running here, and apparently it's not well used, even by the people who are entitled to it (I believe it's those who are entitled to free school meals). I've now seen local councillors make it clear that people won't be turned away even if they're not technically entitled to the provision. I guess it's a "use or it lose it" scenario.

If I were you I'd check you weren't taking anyone else's place, make a donation if you like. But I don't see a problem with your child accessing it.

I think if you can afford to pay then you should because it takes a lot of work and fundraising to keep schemes like this going. I work in a school and every September there are certain DC who we know are going to come in having visibly lost weight over the summer. We also know that some of our DC who access FSM during term time have parents who miss meals themselves over the holidays to ensure their kids get enough. Those are the kinds of families these schemes are designed to help (there is a very similar scheme in my local area) so if you intend to use it again then I think the right thing to do would be to discretely ask the organisers about making a donation.

Also, having a wide range of people using it makes it less like a targeted service, and more widely used IYSWIM. Sometimes people won't use things tha5 are perceived as aimed at 'poor people'.

I know there is a proper word for this, but I'm blowed if I can think of it.

Ones round here limit by area tbh. I think I’d be within the areas as my area is very poor but I don’t need to use them and wouldn’t

I’ve always felt that you shouldn’t take something unless you have to lest someone else misses out/receives a less adequate service as a result. But that may not reflect the reality of your situation. I would check how their funding and spending works and see if they accept donations.

With schemes like this it’s better to use them as much as you can as often if not enough people use them they get rid of this stuff. Of course, often they get rid of this stuff anyway

By all means if you can make a donation I’m sure they’d appreciate it.

Tbh though I think we’d be seen, as a family, as poor by those in less deprived area.

If there are limited spaces yabu. As a pp says though, sometimes these schemes aren't well attended - especially initially - so they're grateful to have the numbers or it can impact on their future funding.

To be honest if you don’t even need to book it seems that it’s in such low demand I suspect it makes no difference

I agree if you can donate or contribute in some way you should. Round here there is always a suggested £1 donation- no problem if you pay nothing at all but you could just as easily pay £10 in

There's a scheme like that local to me - they use food that would otherwise go to waste to provide open access meals when it is open for play (also at other times, and they run an open community pantry). The whole point is that anyone can go, and so there is no stigma at all about using it. People with more money chuck something in as donations one way and another. Same with their bike recycling scheme - some pay nothing, some pay more than asked

My husband and I are fortunate in that we can often work from home and so have been trying to manage the summer holidays with the kids at home (Dd 7 and Ds 12) rather than at playscheme

That’s completely taking the piss out of your employers.

If its for underprivileged children then yes yabu.

Just to reassure everyone, I did check and they have never reached capacity, and they've been running every day for the whole holiday so far, so I'm definitely not depriving someone of their place (we were last in today). It's funded by the local authority rather than charitable/fundraising (we're in Wales) so not sure I can make a donation, but I'll look into it. The food is also, I believe, local authority funded rather than food bank.

I really like the idea of putting extra into the local food bank, though, thanks for that idea, it'll assuage some of my discomfort!

Thanks also for the reflection that having it more widely used goes some way to removing any stigma attached, I hadn't thought of that angle. There are a few girls she knows from local clubs and activities, but it mainly was people I'd never met before.

This is a big thing at the moment locally and their are dozens of schemes daily to ensure every child is still getting a lunch through the holidays. Use it. If you felt guilty about using it then ask if you can help out. If this isn’t possible - on either side - then the suggestion earlier was a really good one about providing to a food bank.
They are not set up to take money from you and would not be able to however much you insisted. 😀

@MoreSlidingDoors

Both employers are fully aware and are supportive. The work gets done. Both kids are pretty reasonable and easy to have around so don't need much more than lunch provided. Fortunately they rarely fight or squabble so don't need much input.

I can’t see much of a problem with it really. You’re not taking away a place from someone who needs it so seems reasonable to me.

Yes, agreed about stigma etc. As long as you're not taking a place from anyone else (and I'm not convinced that's particularly likely to be the case but you can check), and make a donation then I think it's fine. Universalism as a principle means state services should be for everyone, as services of last resort for the poor are always run down, ignored and stigmatized. This is why it's shortsighted to make state help only for those in most need. This is what right wing governments do when they want to make cuts, it's not a good idea in principle. I know this is not a state service so different but it's still best for things not to be stigmatized etc. The stuff about sharp elbowed middle class is nonsense. Services are being cut due to Tory government cuts, not middle class people. This divisive attitude can only further fuel the divisions in society.

I'm in the same position as tomorrowiwillbeachicken. I'm in the target area geographically but not "poor"

We have a free summer holiday scheme with activities and free lunch. It sounds similar to what OP is talking about. Its sold to the parents as a holiday club but funded as a food poverty initiative.

I do send my kids there (and make a donation behind the scenes) because its important to me that DC mix in with the other kids and keep up friendships over the summer.
Ds, in particular, is a bit Aspie and would be at risk of isolating himself if not pushed to join in. He finds the holiday club easier than unstructured "playing out".

I'm certainly not the only parent who "doesn't need it" based on the expensive toys DC come back asking for!

I reckon out of a group of 20, maybe one or two kids genuinely wouldn't eat if they weren't attending.
A larger proportion have Mums who would have pulled it off somehow but find it a welcome relief to have the pressure off.
Then there's some like me who are sending their kids simply because its available in the area and the kids enjoy it.

The rationale for allowing a cross section is to avoid stigma. No one feels singled out as "poor". I think the charity that runs it views the 10 kids that "don't need it" are a necessary evil to reach the 2 who really do and the 8 who's Mums find it a relief. Plus as PP have said: they also need to show their funders that the service is being used.

So, that's my rationale anyhow. I think it makes a difference that I live here though. I would draw the line at commuting in to another area, particularly a poorer area. That doesn't do anything to reduce stigma because other Mums don't know you and don't care what your doing.