WIBU to ask the head to move DS to a different class?

[Anno1980]

Hi,

I’m not in the UK, but my small country doesn’t have any boards like mumsnet and I think the advice will still be relevant.

DS (8) has social difficulties and only has 1 real friend. They’ve been best friends for 4 years. They always play together at break times and tend to play apart from the rest of the children in the playground. School doesn’t like this and has always put DS and his friend in different class groups.

Last year, DS was bullied by a popular classmate. This resulted in DS being laughed at by the whole class. When I talked about this to his teacher, she laughed it off and said the classmate just has a weird sense of humor. DS was very sad and cried a lot. We were very happy when the school year was over.

Yesterday we received a letter from shool with info on next year’s classes.

DS is again not in the same class as his friend and this year the few other children he’s friendly with are also in the other class. (There are 2 classes in his year group.)

To our shock, they’ve put DS in the same class again as the boy who bullied him.

School is closed until August 26th, but would I be unreasonable to contact the head as soon as the school reopens to request that DS is moved to the other class? I'm usually very non confrontational, but I feel I would let my son down if I didn't at least try to move him.

All parents got the info on the classes, so they will know DS was moved at the last minute.

WWYD in this situation?

Also, I've not told DS this. Should I tell him now or wait until the day before school starts (Sept 2)?

I would request the move, but don't tell DS until you know which way it will go. YANBU

That's appalling. Why on earth would they do that. Bullying is very damaging to children so I would be being very confrontational about this until they move him. Don't need to go in all guns blazing, just calmly and insistently asserting that he needs to be moved.

What mammabella said. Your request is NU. Good luck!

I would request a move away from the bully OR for the bully to be moved - basically, for them not to be in the same class. You don't know why they have moved your son, they could be balancing requests from other families as well, but I would absolutely raise it due to the bullying issue.

I appreciate that you are not in the UK, but does your son's school have an anti-bullying policy? Check their website, or ask for a copy. You can start laying a paper trail before the start of term, and you should find that the head and teachers are less willing to laugh matters off if they know that you are compiling a dossier, before you see the head before 26th August. I make that roughly a week to stir unease in their mind........
I agree with MiniMum97 about being calm, polite and consistent. If you express your understandable annoyance in emotional terms, it's easier to brush you off as "fussy mother" and the like.
You have chatted to the teacher; are the details still clear enough in your mind for a log of dates, times, specific circumstances?

Thank you for your responses. They're reinforcing my feelings that I need to stand up for my son and overcome my own fear of confrontation.

I'm not sure if the school has an anti-bullying policy, I don't think it's mandatory here, though schools are obviously supposed to prevent bullying so I'll ask what their usual approach is.
According to DS, the bullying happens mostly out of earshot of the teachers.
It consists of name calling and excluding DS from participating on the playground. He's (fortunately) never been physically hurt, but his self esteem has taken a massive hit as a result of the bullying.
I think I'm partly to blame as I probably didn't insist enough when last year's class teacher didn't take any actions to reduce the bullying.

I'll email the head and ask for an appointment to discuss the issue.
Should I explain the issue in the mail, or just ask for an appointment and explain at that time?

If you haven't done this and the bullying continues next year, please keep a record of each issue and bring it up with the school every time. Don't let them brush it off again. Your poor son (and you). Encourage your son to report it every time too.
Personally I would request the meeting as a matter of urgency but leave the details until the day of the meeting and attend with all your facts and suggestions for resolutions. Good luck. School should be supporting your son to be successful at school.

As you have talked to the class teacher and the issue still continues and has escalated, I would have no hesitation in going to the head. I would put the reason for the meeting in the email as there are probably details of the issues raised previously with the class teacher. Bullying is horrible and should be dealt with.

Oh good grief. 40 years ago I went to a French school, which repeatedly put me in the same class as a girl who bullied me. They were working on the basis that the more exposure we had to each other, the better we would get along. They couldn’t have been more wrong. I hated that school. I would not hesitate to request a move if I were you OP.

When you make your appointment with the head, I would simply say that you feel there are unresolved issues from last year which are causing you concern. Give the head the benefit of the doubt; it may be that the class teacher did not pass on your concerns (I doubt it!), but if they become aware that you are taking this seriously, and keeping tabs, they may be more vigilant.
Being an old cynic, may I ask do the parents of the popular classmate play a leading role in the affairs of the school?