To leave my 4yo to go to sleep alone

[screamer1]

For various reasons we've ended up
Staying with him until he goes to sleep. He's taking longer and longer to go off and now we're often lying with him for 45 minutes whilst he squiggles around.

He's resistant to us leaving him (obviously as he's so used to us staying). What are your bedtime routines for similar age and what time do they go to bed?

I haven't read all the replies so apologies if someone else has already said this. We always used to stay with DS whilst he fell asleep but found it was taking longer and longer. Eventually we explained to him that one of us would lie down with him for 5 minutes, we would then say goodnight but we would check on him after 10 minutes. If he was still awake we'd check again in another 10 minutes and so on. It worked well for us and DS was generally asleep by the 2nd time we went in to check. He was 3 when we started do that and he understood that he wasn't being left alone.

Could you perhaps put an audiobook on for him so he has something to listen to/think about as he's dropping off and doesn't feel lonely? If he doesn't fall asleep that easily, it's probably the boredom that makes him want you there with him, so maybe an audiobook could help? Or even leave him in bed with a picture book he can look at or something on his own as he drops off?

I do have more than one. I have dd6 and dd4. But dd6 has always been ok (ish) on her own. DH usually puts dd6 to bed. Otherwise I bring them both up, put them to bed, read them a story from the hall outside their rooms, give dd6 a goodnight kiss then go into dd4's room. I just flick through my phone. They're both asleep in ten mins. I actually enjoy lying there till she's asleep. I find it relaxing.
Good luck OP

I'll read this properly when I have a chance but just wanted to add that we still have to stay with our 7 year old until she's asleep. We've tried everything we can think of. At this point I'd let her cry it out if necessary but she's so loud she disturbs the neighbours.

6.50 - tidy up time
6.55 - brush teeth and go to the toilet
7.00 - bedtime with 2 stories then a cuddle
Sometimes ds will fall asleep straight away, but usually he is awake and can play with his toys, look at books or just relax in bed (usually singing to himself). He knows that he must stay in his room unless he needs the toilet. He is usually asleep by 8-8.30 although there have been times it’s closer to midnight. He is usually awake about 5am and potters about in his room until dh gets up at 6am. It took a while to establish this routine and it works for us.

Following with interest as 5.5 and 3 yo still co-sleep! They laugh at the thought of sleeping in their own beds. They think I go to sleep when they do (I do sometimes). I do love cuddling them though so.

My 4 year old gets audiobook and night light. He loves audiobooks so if he asks us to stay with him we say "ok, but no audiobook" and that usually works...

I used to keep mine downstairs cuddled up with me and his dad, he'd go off to sleep eventually and we'd carry him up. He'd get up in the night (once he was able to), and come in with us a lot of the time but it didn't bother us really. They don't do that forever and they aren't babies for long.

6 year old goes to bed on her own now and never needs a cuddle to bed. Miss it dreadful, was a lovely part of my day to have a cuddle before bed. Enjoy it while you can.

7 o'clock for my two.

I wind them down gradually. Never have tv on after 5, radio is off by six. They play and potter while I tidy up.

They have a cup of milk at around 6:30, followed by toilet, teeth and in to pjs. Then it's story time for about 10mins or so, kisses and cuddles and then sleep.

I stick to this routine fairly rigorously so we never really have resistance. However I should say I implemented this pattern from birth, so they don't know any different.

Just decide on a routine that works for you, feel confident about it and explain to your DC what's going to happen then, most importantly of all, be consistent! Good luck OP

YANBU

I think I must be a bit mean though from reading some of these replies... my 4 year old tries it on sometimes with lines such as "I don't want to sleep on my own" but I just tell her that she'll be fine / address any concerns she has which are making her feel like that (e.g. bad dreams the night before). If she starts getting grumpy about it I tell her she won't be getting something she was after / won't get to go somewhere etc. because she's being naughty (i.e. issue threats). If she started crying and screaming she would be facing time on the naughty step too.

She's 4. She's not a baby. The only time I would lie down with her and cuddle until she's asleep is if she's ill or genuinely upset about something and really needs the comfort.

99% of the time she's good and goes to sleep happily on her own after stories and cuddles. We've always had the same bedtime routine of bath, teeth, stories then sleep. We start this around 6.15 and she's asleep around 7pm.

Good luck!

DS is 4. Bedtime is about 7/7.30 and he gets up about 7am.

Bedtime routine is short. Pjs, teeth, wee etc and 2 books in his bed. Turn off light and leave room. Whole thing takes about 10/15 min and he’s usually asleep within 5 min. Occasionally there will be some messing about, extra wees and all that, but he gets told off. If he naps in the day at all then he’ll be up later but bedtime is usually the same time. He does have his music machine playing a lullaby which turns off after 30 min.

DD is 2 and has a very similar routine.

Ours (3.5) has always gone to sleep alone. We have stories before bed. We aim for 7 bedtime and normally manage it by 7:30. He's allowed to play in his room with the light down lowish till he's tired. He can ask me to come in and tuck him in (once!) when he wants to go to sleep. Sometimes he does, sometimes he just tucks himself in.

There is a lot of procrastination and push back but it basically works, he's happy, we get evenings. I just have to be nice but firm about going away.

HiJenny35 mine go to sleep alone but I still cuddle them before bed