To avoid man at park

[marriedwithhounds]

I feel badly about this.

I spend a lot of time at my local park with my dog. There is an elderly man (70s) who lives next to the park and is always in there on his own, wanting to pet people's dogs. He lives with a woman - I'm assuming his wife - and still drives, so not completely isolated.

I used to chat to him sometimes and let him pet my dog, but a while back he fed my dog something and she kept dropping it on the floor. It turned out to be a crab stick still in its plastic wrapping. I asked him politely not to feed my dog. He persisted in doing so the next few times I saw him, so I now avoid him. He also told me a story about a dog he once had who died from being over weight and was laughing about it. I also once came home to find our front door step covered in a tin of cat food (it had been emptied out straight onto the step 😐) - don't know for sure that it was him, but can't think who else would have done this?! He knows which house is ours as you can see it from the park.

My DH thinks I'm being a Scrooge and that this man is harmless, possibly wants a dog but can't commit to one, etc. I do totally get this but I don't want to spend any time around him so end up being borderline rude (like turning away when he approaches)

AIBU??

given all the scary stories about people putting poisons or blades etc in treats to feed dogs, i wouldn't risk letting anyone feed anything to my pet, however friendly or harmless they seemed.

Whatever his intention, he’s not harmless feeding your dog when you’ve asked him not to. Your dog is more important that politeness to someone who thinks his dog dying of obesity is funny. YANBU, don’t feel guilty.

Presumably if your dog gets ill you will be taking him to vets and potentially facing a bill from them? And days off work for dealing with it? Tell the man in no uncertain terms to stop, no need to be friendly.

I'd avoid him at all cost. From what you've said here, he sounds less like an old man who missies owning a dog and more like a creep.

YANBU to avoid anyone your instinct tells you to avoid.

Avoid. I'd be walking away. I'd be very unhappy if someone tried to feed mine.

My husband used to train dogs. One of the things he trained them to do is to take food only from one person. This was because of dogs being poisoned.

Thanks for all the quick responses! I think my instinct to avoid him is right. Good to have confirmation. Have any of you had similar experiences?

I do totally get this but I don't want to spend any time around him so end up being borderline rude (like turning away when he approaches)

DH can call you whatever he likes, but its you walking the dog, & you having to deal with Intrusive Man.

Can I suggest you drop the borderline rude, & just come out with it?
"I asked you not to feed my dog, you ignored me, please go away".

Otherwise, he will carry on, you will seethe & deflect, & your dog will end up not only being fed suspect stuff but gravitating toward Intrustive Man for more goodies.

Used to have this in local woods with my old retriever.
"Please don't treat him/can I ask you not to give him treats/would you please not do that/excuse me I have asked you not do do this"
were met with "oh it doesn't matter" "aw it's just a little treat" "oh but he likes it".

My dog was young as the time & still sharpening up his recall training, Obviously that went to shreds whenever Treat Twat hoved into view. Hos own dogs had zero recall because he was the type of ineffective Twat who stands hollering his dogs names repeatedly, ie teaching them that recall is optional.

Eventually I bit the bullet & told him that it was my dog, my decision, that he was to stop fucking baiting my dog against my express wishes or he would see me get really angry.

Not suggesting you go in that hard OP, but I had the measure of my Twat, & just wanted to fuck him off.
But don't be That Woman who is told by random strangers & her own husband that she must submit to male whims bacause they're harmless, & it's your job to appease them, & who are you to decide what's good for Ddog?

Tell him to fuck off
I find the cat food thing quite worrying, sorry.

He sounds a bit unwell to be honest and I don't think you're being at all unreasonable for avoiding him. Your DH needs to be a bit more supportive of you.

This man isn't respecting your boundaries with regards to your dog and is making you feel uncomfortable and you are absolutely doing the right thing by avoiding him. You aren't his carer or his therapist or his friend.

FWIW I strongly doubt he isn't trying to poison your pet, but it's completely unacceptable to feed anyone else's pet without their permission. The cat food thing is beyond weird ... I know we don't really know if it's him but it does seem quite a coincidence.

There's a big difference between asking to pet a dog and feeding them. I had a random stranger approach me and my hound a couple of weeks back. He asked to pet him which I was fine with as I knew my dog would appreciate the attention. At first my weirdo alert was ringing but he was quite sincere about wanting to own a dog himself but peronsal circumstances having not allowed it. Had he tried to feed him something I would have said no in no uncertain terms

Sounds like a boundary pusher to me

You are so right to avoid this man
You've asked him to not feed your dog and he just keeps going..

I would walk the dog somewhere else. He’s way too creepy. I haven’t had this with a dog as I don’t have one but I have had randomers trying to offer my kids food. Seriously why do people do it it’s really weird an unacceptable.

From what you've said I don't think his intentions are bad. So there's that, at least. Nonetheless, he's tried to feed your dog something still in it's plastic wrapping, which is bad, as you know. Maybe he's senile, or maybe he just wasn't arsed, we don't know. Now you've asked him not to feed your dog and he keeps doing it. He also possibly tipped a tin of cat food on your doorstep.

Sorry for repeating the story back but I just want you to read it back and explain to me at what point YOU were rude. He is being very rude, you have been very polite. Stop feeling guilty. If he tries to feed your dog again tell him to piss off.

Oh, and someone will be along in a minute to tell you he probably has dementia. This isn't a good enough reason to put your dog in harm's way. Just avoid him. It's not your problem.

The food on the doorstep is very odd indeed! If it is him, and he knows you’re avoiding him, he’s gone to the trouble of trying to get food into your dog.
You should report him, or go ask his wife when he’s out if she used to have a dog.
Other owners should be made aware just in case he is being malicious.

Listen to your instincts.
If you are feeling unnerved completely ignore him until he gets the hint.
Put a fake camera as a deterrent at your home.

Avoid him. Whatever his intentions he doesn't respect your boundaries with your animal.

YANBU

If you feel threatened by him then you must go to your local police station and report him.Forget about how he likes dogs etc and he’s in his 70’s that is not your problem .
I know this may sound Harsh but that’s life .

Avoid him. He’s not harmless, he’s rude and he’s feeding your dog when you’ve asked him not to.

Thanks so much for all the responses! I am going to fuck politeness and tell him outright to leave me and my dog alone. I showed DH this post and it was great - I think he just didn't realise how creepy the guy was being!

Nice one, @marriedwithhounds :)