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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still be reeling..

28 replies

shesgrownhorns · 18/08/2019 17:59

This time last week we were in a terrible road accident. There was a muddle with an artic and we ended up severely fishtailing and flipping into the side of the carriageway. Dd10 and ds11 were with us. We were all ok, but extremely shocked. All emergency services were amazing and by some miracle we were all pulled out.

After the accident we talked about it a lot. Now, everyone now seems to have processed it bar me. I remember every second during which i 'knew' we were about to die. It was horrific and it keeps popping up in my head.

Aibu to be still struggling so much? I know thats a daft question but should i be trying to just keep calm and carry on?

Noone knows im struggling still.

OP posts:

misskatamari · 18/08/2019 18:02

Gosh, that must have been terrifying. I would imagine it's very normal to still be feeling shocked and affected by it. I think children especially bounce back more quickly from these type of things, but i would imagine being a parent would make it a lot more difficult as I would be playing over all of the what-ifs etc. Can you talk to your family and let them know you're still struggling to deal with what happened? It must have really shook you up, i can only imagine

Flurgle · 18/08/2019 18:05

You may need some counselling.
People process things differently and almost dying is a massive shock.
Be kind to yourself. Apparently getting back to routine is good but some people need more time. I’ve had a different but similar experience and we all processed it differently. Some who seemed ok at the time weren’t, some were, some needed counselling- I needed medication and counselling.
Take care of yourself.

bambalaya · 18/08/2019 18:05

It's still okay to be thinking it through in your mind. Different people deal with trauma in different ways. It sounds like an awful event, so be kind to yourself.

SistersOfMerci · 18/08/2019 18:07

You'll probably need to get some counselling, see your Gp or find out if you can self refer in your area.

Trust me, having a near death experience can be truly awful to deal with after and asking for help in the early days is best.

And no don't keep struggling on.

alittlequinnie · 18/08/2019 18:08

Were you a front seat passenger or the driver?

I was in a reasonably bad car crash 15 years ago and I was in the back with my daughter and my brother and husband in the front - husband driving.

Like you, we were all okay but it was scarey stuff and my brother seemed to struggle with it the most - he never said anything but he was a very nervous passenger after and wanted to talk about it a lot (not like him).

I think it is something to do with not being in control, i.e the driver, but having a ringside seat and just being along for the ride while whether you live or die is completely decided by somebody else - i.e the driver/fate/the gods etc.

A week is nothing - somebody asked me about mine recently and it all came back to me - give yourself a break - that was some scarey shit and I bet EVERYONE who is important to you was in that car - fucks your mind up a bit with the "what ifs".

partysong · 18/08/2019 18:09

Try private EMDR therapy, very effective and fast, and for this kind of event

Hercules12 · 18/08/2019 18:09

that sounds horrific and I agree with others to see if you can get some counselling.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 18/08/2019 18:17

A week? A single week? I'd expect something that serious, and especially involving your children, to take many months to completely process and begin to move on from, months if not a year. I think you're being very hard on yourself xxx

Cornettoninja · 18/08/2019 18:18

Yanbu. You need to let yourself feel what you’re feeling without guilt and seek some support. People process these things very differently so don’t use anyone else as a benchmark for how you’re getting on. You won’t get past it properly till you cut yourself a bit of slack here.

I was in a crash about fifteen years ago and clearly remember thinking ‘well that’s my lot’. Myself and the driver walked away with relatively minor injuries (some rather magnificent bruising on my part and some stitches on hers).

I don’t drive now and am a very nervous passenger. I am often gobsmacked at how people don’t realise they’re zooming about in contraptions that are so delicate when put to the rest. Obviously that’s all my issue, but I’m sure part of my panic on the road is that no one seems to take it as seriously as I do!

Missingstreetlife · 18/08/2019 18:19

Perfectly natural to have flashbacks after trauma. I'd give it a couple of weeks to settle unless it is really distressing and affecting how you function. Then I would seek help as above before it morphs into ptsd or anxiety. You may just need time to process. Samaritans are 24 hours. Homeopath or acupuncture may help if you are so inclined.
Keep talking about it, keeping the lid on will make it worse

yeraballoon · 18/08/2019 18:19

Oh wow. I'd definitely still be struggling with that only a week later. You must have been terrified. Be kind to yourself

Cornettoninja · 18/08/2019 18:19

put to the test

I’m such a wally

Sparklesocks · 18/08/2019 18:21

It’s absolutely normal and reasonable to still be reeling, it didn’t happen long ago at all and is a very scary and traumatic event. Also I would keep an eye on your family, these sorts of things can manifest in different ways and like you they may ‘appear’ fine but be struggling internally.

As others I say I think counselling would be a good idea. And please don’t berate yourself for feeling a certain way or for not ‘getting over it’ as quickly as you think you should. It’s a very drastic event and it’s completely ok to feel affected by it.

writersbeenblocked · 18/08/2019 18:23

It took my friend five years to go back down the road on which she crashed, and even now she won't do it in the dark. It all takes time, and a week is nothing.

MarshaBradyo · 18/08/2019 18:23

This sounds normal to me. I find it hard to process less scary what ifs.

I’m not sure how you approach it’s so maybe a type of therapy would be good.

TheFatberg · 18/08/2019 18:25

Advice on trauma is watchful waiting for 28 days after an incident - after this, then see your GP or consider private therapy (agree that EMDR is best). A week is still so recent so don't feel like you should be ok with it all by now.

Dogmum94 · 18/08/2019 18:30

I recently hit a deer at very high speed (nothing I could do) which killed the deer and both it’s young babies and even though I didn’t actually crash and the only damage done was to my car, I still think about it often and that was months ago! I think it’s perfectly normal to still be shaken and you probably will be for a very long time

Herat1986 · 18/08/2019 18:32

CBT is great for PTSD - please reach out for help x

BycullahRoad · 18/08/2019 18:37

YANBU. I still have flashbacks to a minor crash I had in the early 1980s, and am still incredibly careful to this day when approaching that same junction.

HateIsNotGood · 18/08/2019 18:37

Also to add to pp's - I would imagine that having your dcs in the car is probably adding to your trauma, all the what-ifs. I'm sure it will take a while to mentally recover from this and it will be something that you won't ever forget.

SirJamesTalbot · 18/08/2019 18:38

I can still remember how I felt when I realised that the car coming out of the side road wasn't going to stop and it smashed into me 10+ years ago. That wasn't anything as bad as you had, OP, so don't feel bad. A week is nothing to process shock. Be kind to yourself, and perhaps think talking therapies or similar to help straighten your thoughts out.

Disfordarkchocolate · 18/08/2019 18:42

I had a minor car crash (someone drove into the back of me), I'm still nervous in a car 7 years later. The impact on my physical health was quite bad for a minor accident (nerve damage and a reaction to medication that needed 2 trips to AE). Find someone to talk too as being in a car is part of most people's day to day life so you can't avoid it.

AcrossthePond55 · 18/08/2019 18:47

I don't think you're at all unusual. People experience and deal with trauma at their own speed and in their own way.

I will say that if you don't feel you're progressing in dealing with it, or it's bothering you such that it's interfering with your day to day life (ie you won't get in a car or you won't drive on certain roads/road types) then it's best to seek counseling. There's nothing wrong with extra help in dealing with a traumatic experience.

neurostar · 18/08/2019 18:54

I'm so sorry to hear this has happened to you. I work within mental health and PTSD cannot be clinically diagnosed until 4 weeks after the incident. This means the best time to receive help is now, think of it as more of a preventative measure. Speak to your GP and ask if they are able to rush you through to some talking therapy. If you are employed see if you have access to an employee assistance program who will be able to offer you free counselling a lot quicker than you may get on the NHS.

It was great that you all chatted about it as it seems like it has helped your children. I'm sure you will, but just continue to keep an eye on them as they may have a delayed reaction to this sort of event.

supersop60 · 18/08/2019 19:11

OP - that sounds absolutely horrific. It was only a week ago - of course you are still in a state of shock.
Personally I would doubt that everyone else is 'over it', because it is so recent. Please keep an eye on your DC for delayed reaction.

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