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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DH should play more with DD

16 replies

Justanotheremma · 18/08/2019 08:20

DD is 9 mos, lovely gorgeous girl, our first after much trying. There are two play areas in our hone, the lounge and DD’s bedroom. Lounge is safe but not entirely (laptop cable, cat bowls, etc) and DD’s room has no real hazards. Instead of playing with Dd in the lounge where he’d have to interact and watch her, DH puts her in her bedroom and sits in the glider reading on his phone/iPad and essentially ignoring DD. Doesn’t play with her or speak to her, just has her on the floor to entertain herself. I do believe she should ave some independent play and be a bit self sufficient but she’s only 9 mos. and I reckon she needs more interaction? And he only bloody sees her on weekends anyway as he works long hours.

Also, he was going to give me a lie in but her room is next to ours, so I heard all of the crying when She wanted him to pay attention, instead of taking her downstairs so I could sleep.

Fully prepared to be told Iabu about my PFB and i do feel grateful that he’s kind enough to give me a lie in but also feel frustrated that he doesn’t seem interested in DD and just loooks for ways to get out of playing with her. Doesn’t she notice this?she is less interested in playing with him, I reckon because if this. Or perhaps her feelings are hurt?

OP posts:

IceRebel · 18/08/2019 08:26

He sounds utterly shit. I understand playing with small children can be difficult and embarrassing, but to not even speak to her. Not that you should need to but have you suggested things he could do, such as read a book, do a puzzle, sing songs or play peekaboo etc.

HennyPennyHorror · 18/08/2019 08:30

9 month old babies don't really play though do they? So I'd frame it differently. I'd say "Look after your child AWAY from my bedroom"

And show him how to interact. Perhaps he doesn't know naturally what to do with a baby.

Does he speak to her at all? Like sing a song or anything? My DH didn't sing...but he would bounce them on his knee and talk nonsense...or fly them about in the air.

Original poster

Justanotheremma · 18/08/2019 08:39

To be fair sometimes he does swing or aero plane her about but since he’s discovered that her bedroom is fully baby safe he just pops her there on the floor whilst he reads in the chair. It’s just that it always seems he’s bored with her and trying to get out of dealing with her, has even said as much that he finds it a bit of a bore. If she’s due to go down for a nap at 12 for example, he starts trying to get her down at 1130 or even before-even if it means lots of crying from her because she’s not ready. I’ve tried to tell him, if you just wait for her to rub her eyes at 1150 she’ll go down without a massive fight, but then he feels I’m not trusting him or judging him. (I suppose I am but only because I know it’s neednt be such a struggle!)

OP posts:

Skittlenommer · 18/08/2019 08:53

Sounds like another classic example of someone who doesn’t really enjoy being a parent.

Usa666 · 18/08/2019 08:56

She's 9 months, not 9 weeks! Of course he should be interacting with her.

I think the problem here is that he doesn't know how because he works all week and barely sees her. Of course, he should be able to figure this out for himself.

Maybe you could encourage him to take her somewhere? The park, feed the ducks, most soft play places have a section for babies, out for a walk in the pushchair and talk to her as they're walking along, swimming?

Sounds like he's just got no idea and no real motivation.

jaseyraex · 18/08/2019 09:10

Some people just don't naturally know how to "play" with a baby. I know my DS used to just throw things around at that age and then crawl away from me when I tried to engage him
Could he take her out? My DH would take DS1 to soft play almost every weekend. It really encourages bonding as your DD will need supervised without a doubt and the best way to do that is to play with all the things around her. A playground is good too if she's sitting well enough to go in swings.

WhyBirdStop · 18/08/2019 09:16

@HennyPennyHorror my 8 month old plays, he pulls a blanket/muslin over his face then down again to play peek a boo, plays high fives, loves nursery rhymes and claps his hands when we sing if you're happy and you know it. He also has the baby Einstein drums that he likes you to play with him on, you hit one then he'll hit one etc. Also enjoys stories and the books with flaps /things hiding. He loves the swing in the garden. As well as just crawling/climbing about, playing with balls/stacking rings, his rainstick, especially anything that makes a sound. Bit odd to think a child of that age can't play.

HennyPennyHorror · 18/08/2019 09:54

Bird Oh I know but OP seems to expect her DH to play constantly with the baby. Maybe he's doing things you're not seeing OP? When you're not in the room.

IceRebel · 18/08/2019 10:11

but OP seems to expect her DH to play constantly with the baby.

I don't think that's the case. The OP just seems to want him to interact with the child, rather than play on his phone or tablet, which isn't an unrealistic expectation.

HennyPennyHorror · 18/08/2019 10:28

Ice but if she's not in the room all the time, how does she know he's doing that constantly?

Original poster

Justanotheremma · 18/08/2019 11:50

Yes that’s it exactly, It just feels that he’s constantly bored and can’t pass the time with DD I’m a way that suits them both. I reckon I am being a bit precious (perhaps sleep deprivation) as he does also bounce her on his knee, aeroplane, sing, etc but it really gets at me to see him reading calmly whilst she spins on the ground popping blocks and teddies in her mouth. She’s delighted when he does interact with her so It seems it’s be so much better for both of he’d just bloody play with her!

OP posts:

HennyPennyHorror · 18/08/2019 12:07

To be honest, I do think you sound a bit precious. Your anxiety to interact with her and to ensure HE does too...to your standards, is not very healthy.

I certainly used to read and ignore my babies for a while...quite a while!

Original poster

Justanotheremma · 18/08/2019 12:10

Thank you, I appreciate your honesty HennyPennyHorror. Must admit I’m a bit surprised by the survey results , most feel IANBU?

OP posts:

HennyPennyHorror · 18/08/2019 12:16

Well I think it's the way you framed it in your OP. You made it seem as though he never plays with her.

Then later, you go on to say he does.

user1493494961 · 18/08/2019 12:40

I hate seeing children in pushchairs and parents constantly on phones. I always feel sorry for the child. Your DH is being lazy and taking the easy option. I don't know what the answer is, If he takes her to the park he could still be on his phone. You could show him this thread, make him realise he's being a bit crap.

messolini9 · 18/08/2019 13:17

and i do feel grateful that he’s kind enough to give me a lie in
Don't be.
Does DH feel it's acceptable for you to get up early 7 days a week usually? Why do you not automatically share this at weekends, so that you get a lie-in each?

but also feel frustrated that he doesn’t seem interested in DD and just loooks for ways to get out of playing with her.
Did he want her, plan her, make her with you?
Presumably yes.
But either way, here she is, & he is being a total dick in not parenting her. She needs stimulus, bonding, affection, play ... & he just ignores her!
Is he similarly dismissive of your needs, OP?

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