DS 4 weeks old.. alcohol?

[differentnames]

I have nc for this as it is embarrassing really

DS is four weeks old and is the love of my life. Spent the first two weeks in hospital, pretty traumatic delivery and follow up care. Slowly recovering and getting used to home life, bliss compared to hospital

Celebrated with one glass of Prosecco when we got him home. Since then, that's been it for me! I have no desire at all to drink anything more. Nor do I want to leave DS's side for any longer than five minutes at the moment.

DH, on the other hand...
went out while in the hospital, couldn't contact until next morning
Been out for 8 hours or more twice in the last week
Insists on one or two beers to wind down at night, even when promises night feed duty
Drove the car with DS in it on 2 pints and little sleep

By no means an alcoholic and is a good dad but I I feel this needs to stop, though apparently I'm at fault because I'm being a nag! It's really affecting our relationship and I don't know if I can move past the childishness and irresponsibility

Aibu to ask him to quit the drink or I have to consider not leaving him with our son? Or leaving with our son?

We are both FT parents so this behaviour is even more irresponsible as neither of us had a clue what to do until a month ago!!

Also wonder if I'm the only one to feel like a single parent in the relationship after baby was born

Thanks and sorry for long post!

I have asked him not to drink for the moment when doing night feeds as he finds it so difficult to get up as it is, a beer won't help.

Doesn't matter if he finds it tough though does it? We all find it tough. He'll just have to do it. If he is a regular drinker one beer isn't going to have him comatose.

Look if you need him at home, fair enough. But I don't think it's helping either of you to exaggerate the issues. "Please don't plan any nights out for a few weeks DH, as my recovery is going slowly" is more than fair. "How dare you drink one beer DH, that shows you are an alcoholic, and I'm basically a single parent" is way over the top.

Driving after 2 pints with newborn - not a good dad!

He sounds like he is an alcoholic and has always been!

On on or two pints a night? Really?

It’s hard for anyone to say if he is an alcoholic or not as no one knows him? Nor how much he is drinking....labelling someone an “alcoholic” happens all to often on MN.

Yes you don’t want to be out of your DC sight for more than 5 mins but life does continue around it all. Your H has gone back to work and his life albeit now with a DC has gone back to how it was before.

As a previous poster said just explain your recovery is going slower than you thought, you feel anxious, rather than forbidding him to go out and if he does or has a drink you are leaving him?! Totally disproportionate reaction to the situation.

Ultimately whether you take advice from this forum or not.... it’s up to you.

Are you in Scotland @differentnames ?

There are agencies up here that can help as the Scottish Government is all over alcohol and it’s negative effects on families.

When I moved up in May and was pg with DC3 I was asked about my drinking (none) and quizzes on DHs (teeny).

As a NICU/SCBU mum myself I’m so sorry you’ve been through all that and now this (utterly avoidable) extra stress.

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut no sadly not in Scotland! Though may consider a move up there after last night's events ha.

Thanks, he's absolutely fine and well now but it was a scary start for sure. Hope your little one is also doing great!