To want someone to talk to regarding my anxiety?

[anxiety2019]

Not sure what I want from this post but I need to vent and get my feelings out somewhere as I have no one to talk to about it in real life

I've struggled with anxiety for years. Since I was high school age - I'm now mid 20s.

I've been on medication, currently Citalopram 20mg but it's not working anymore. I've got to wait until Monday until I can see a doctor, but the anxiety is worsening and it's becoming debilitating.

I'm starting to wonder if it's not anxiety anymore and in fact something else.

I feel unhappy a lot of the time. I have a beautiful young baby but I feel like the worst mum, simply because I don't have the energy or patience whilst I'm feeling like this. A lot of the time I don't want to do anything except curl up in bed and stay there all day, obviously I can't do this though because I have to look after my baby. I often refuse help from others because I know I would feel terribly guilty leaving DS. So then I get frustrated because I can't relax. It's a cycle that happens over and over again.

I get angry easily. At my family members and at my partner. Really angry, so much so, that it takes me a couple of days to calm down. I can't see past my anger and often become unreasonable and can't see anybody else's point of view.

I've started to have terrible thoughts. Of my family members dying. These thoughts often turn into dreams (or should I say nightmares). Horrible and violent dreams of death. Most recent example, had a dream last night that SIL was violently murdered in their new home. Another one, had a dream my partner was found dead on the bathroom floor. They are so real and feel so vivid that I wake up feeling so distressed.

I feel like my life is spiralling out of control. I know that nobody can help me on here, but I needed somewhere to say this out loud until I see my GP on Monday.

Here is the NHS link to self refer for counselling:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/free-therapy-or-counselling/

Thank you everyone, I've self referred for CBT

I know exactly how you feel, thankfully I'm out the other side now. Citalopram didn't work for me, I stuck with propranolol for the panic attacks which helped.

Keep talking, keep being honest about how you feel. I wish you well xx

Just to say that CBT cured me of 90 percent of my anxiety. I had a diagnosis of C-PTSD and I'm mostly symptom free now. Did you have a tough childhood, OP? Or any traumatic events/experiences?

There is hope. I went from having constant suicidal thoughts and being agoraphobic to working, volunteering and running marathons.

Keep reminding yourself things will get easier, especially when it feels hopeless

Also I found I had horrendeous vivid dreams whilst taking citalopram

Me too. So bad that sometimes they stayed with me all day, like a miasma. Although, interestingly, I could tell when I was getting better as I started fighting back in my nightmares rather than trying to escape.

Very low dosage you are on

Gp ASAP and tell them everything

Hiya I have always suffered with anxiety and my panic attacks present themselves as anger outbursts. I've never hit anyone and dont have a violent bone in my body my anger bursts are screaming, shouting, storming off, crying loudly. I was on 40mg citalopram for years which helped massively but unfortunately I did not feel joy/ happiness whilst on it so I slowly came off. I'm now medication free but take propranolol if I'm going to enter a stressful situation. I have distorted thinking patterns and my phobias are coming back. I know I'm not offering very good advice but thought it might help to know that your anger might be a panic attack as they aren't always heavy breathing and rocking xx

Ah sertaline is most definitely the best ones I've taken for this ... but I've learnt over the years it's about fixing ur mind yes the tablets help but they won't make it go away ... talking to ur mind and changing your mind set is what you need ... have u ever thought of a life coach .. that was the best thing I ever done xxx

Hello OP. This sounds quite similar to my experience. I have had periodic mild to major depression and anxiety since my teens and often been on different medication for it but the symptoms changed when I became a mum, I had a traumatic birth and then developed PTSD and PND. The symptoms were similar though, extreme exhaustion and not being able to muster energy and also flashes of extreme anger (which weirdly are more connected to anxiety than anything). For me it was linked back to my frustration at my son's birth and our difficult pregnancy and my fears at being his mum and failing him. I had some very good and focused counselling from a service for new mums and have been taking sertraline again since my son was 10 weeks old. It takes time and specialised treatment to recover.

You should also have a frank conversation with GP to ensure you are on the right medication. I took citalopram for over 2 years and didn't get on with it at all, the side effects were awful, but Sertraline is great for me. Another friend has similar problems to me with major depression after a baby and she has got on well with Prozac. Sometimes you do have to try a few different ones.

Also reading between the lines of your OP please do understand that your mental health issues in no way reflect your feelings towards your baby or your ability as a parent xx

How are you doing OP? Did you speak to the GP again?

I am sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. YouTube have lots of CBT and anti anxiety tips.
The cipralmol is very low dose.
I have used it in the past and it worsened my anxiety.
PND is also a factor for anxiety.
Ask your GP about steraline 50mg. I find them great, they stopped having an effect after 3 months, I increased my dose and back feeling good again.
The YouTube clips can be cheesey but the technics do help. Good luck