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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what's wrong with me

19 replies

Scratch22 · 17/08/2019 21:37

I just have a real problem dealing with life at the moment. I can't deal with disappointment at all - I've had several things cancelled this summer holiday due to weather and I've been in tears. My dh's family keep wanting us to meet up with them all and I really don't want to keep seeing them. I feel like they're controlling everything and I have no say and I feel like screaming.

Dh is getting more and more dismissive of my feelings and just doesn't seem to care anymore, he's always criticising me for not doing enough and making me go along with his family's demands. Sometimes I feel like I hate him. I stuck in a rut with my job. I have a zero hours job at a preschool and they don't seem to think I'm much good, always giving me the smallest amount of hours and key children. They haven't even told me what hours I'm doing in September. It really batters my confidence but I need a term time job that allows me to do school drop off and pick up.

My dd is giving me loads of attitude too. I try so hard to give her the childhood I never had and she just seems to hate me. Keeps saying she loves her Dad best even though I do so much for her.

It feels like I'm just not good enough for anyone and they'd all be better off without me. Eight years ago, before I got pregnant, I was in a job I loved and my marriage was happy. Those days feel like they're gone forever.

What is the matter with me? Why can't I just get on with things and shrug off disappointments and people's behaviour. Everyone else seems to be happy and dealing with what life throws at them. What's wrong with me?

OP posts:

slashlover · 17/08/2019 22:02

OP you sound really down on yourself and stressed. You may be depressed with being in tears and not feeling good enough.

Original poster

Scratch22 · 17/08/2019 22:17

My dd takes forever to settle at night, she plays up terribly, she's only just gone down now and it's exhausting. We never get an evening. Next week we're taking my mil away on holiday. I'm utterly dreading it. Every day the same predictable shit happens and people are so selfish.

OP posts:

TipTopAllOverTheShop · 17/08/2019 22:22

You need to go to the gp and get antidepressants my love. There's nothing wrong with you you're just depressed. You've already expressed how you think your family would d be better off without you and that is so not the case. Please discuss with your gp as an emergency appointment ASAP xxxx

Original poster

Scratch22 · 17/08/2019 22:25

I'm afraid of becoming dependent on medication though. I'm not suicidal, I could never make my child motherless but I just seem to do everything wrong and no-one values me at all no matter how hard I try.

OP posts:

ChipOffTheOldCock · 17/08/2019 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OunceOfFlounce · 17/08/2019 22:39

I think you have every right to be down. Things seem difficult in your life at the moment. I don't have any answers, just wanted to suggest perhaps the problem is not your attitude, like you seem to think. xx

surreygirl1987 · 17/08/2019 22:43

Aw you poor thing. You do sound depressed. It's just a chemical imblance. All medication does is readjust the balance of chemicals in your brain. Once the chemicals are rebalanced you will find things much easier, trust me. Think of it like needing to take iron for anemia. I know you say you don't feel suicidal, and that's great, but you don't have to live with feeling so awful! Please go to your GP, in the same way as you would if you felt ill. So many of us have felt the way you do and you really don't need to feel like that!

LadyB49 · 17/08/2019 22:43

Several years ago I was prescribed Citalopram. It changed my life. I hadn't realised how low I was until I started to feel better. Nowadays I am on the lowest dose. Could probably come off it.
Go see your dr. Please.

Amiable · 17/08/2019 23:07

I second LadyB49. Citalopram saved my marriage, and possibly my life. I've been on it about 5 years now and it honestly helps me to be "normal". In most cases depression is, in very simple terms, a chemical imbalance in the brain. All the ADs do is rebalance it. New medicines are nothing like the bad old days where you could end up being zombified. Please talk to your GP. You do not have to suffer this alone.

slashlover · 18/08/2019 08:42

I think antidepressants have a stigma when they shouldn't.

If you had high blood pressure and needed to take medication every day to help it then would you?
As PP said, if you had anemia and needed iron tablets every day to help it then would you?
I have endometriosis and take the pill every day to help it. Would you consider me to be dependant on medication?

The chemicals in your brain may be slightly off balance and if you have to take a tablet (or two) every day to help that then that's not being dependant either.

I took fluoxetine for approx. 18 months for my depression, it was just enough for me to feel better and start being able to do self care for the fog to lift. I did have to come off them slowly - going from one pill per day to one every two days to one every three days but that was not because of dependence/addiction. It was explained to me that the doctor didn't want me to suddenly stop in case my mood dropped again and I went back to the start. That was 6 years ago and I haven't taken them since, although if my mood went again then I wouldn't hesitate.

TipTopAllOverTheShop · 19/08/2019 20:12

Antidepressants aren't addictive but self hate can be if it's not treated. I'm on antidepressants xxx

Winter2019 · 19/08/2019 20:59

How old is your dd? Kids can be like that... It's hurtful but she might not understand it yet. My dd can be the sweetest thing one minute and the next say stuff to me like I don't like you, I like daddy etc...
Nothing wrong with going on medication! But sometimes it takes time to find right one for you. Good luck!

dollydaydream114 · 19/08/2019 21:06

You definitely have depression. FWIW, you don’t need to ‘become dependent’ on antidepressants. I have taken them periodically for a year or so at various times in my life and have then come off them again when I’ve got back on my feet, and they’ve really helped me a lot. I have had some psychotherapy and CBT as well, but I don’t think I’d have coped with that without the medication as well. The medication gave me the support I needed to help myself in other ways.

However, you can ask your GP for other types of help if you’d rather not try medication at first. And you certainly don’t need to be suicidal to get help.

I sympathise greatly because I have been there and I know what it’s like. Please get some help. You don’t have to go on putting up with feeling so rotten

Mitzicoco · 19/08/2019 21:14

Don't be depressed when you don't have to be. We are lucky enough to live in a time where we can get better!

devilinme · 20/08/2019 18:55

I cannot believe what I have just read; OP has
A DH who's being a dick
A job she doesn't like
PIL she can't stand
DD who's playing up

And......

Lots of you telling her she's depressed and needs to get some pills.

Designerenvy · 20/08/2019 19:02

You sound very down. It's like everything is too much for you at the moment. That can be depression. There's no stigma, there's no blame. It's a condition that needs treatment like any other ailment.
Please talk to your GP, you don't need to feel like this.
Maybe a combination of antidepression meds and councelling would help you.
You deserve to feel happy and have a good life .
Mind yourself and please get the support you need

TheBouquets · 20/08/2019 19:20

@devilinme I totally agree with you. Too many people are now turning to antidepressants rather than fixing what is wrong with their lives.
They are being given a smokescreen to hide behind rather permanently change their life to being better.
A better life would be better for OP

slashlover · 20/08/2019 22:09

devilinme

OP says her DH is dismissive of her feelings and is critical. I thought that about several people when my depression was bad, they weren't. Because of my mood, I took everything in the worst possible way.

The job situation - again, the OP has a negative mindset. I truly believed I was shit at my job. If I did 99.99% prefectly and one tiny negative thing was mentioned then in my mind I was terrible.

OP hasn't said what age the DC is but surely a child acting up and saying "I like daddy more" is perfectly normal? There's every chance that next week DC will be all over OP and saying they don't like their dad.

OPs reaction to things that a lot of us would brush off is key. Being unable to shake negative feelings and the hopelessness are all symptoms.

olympicsrock · 20/08/2019 22:20

I’m another one who thinks you may be depressed. It’s dry easy for the exhaustion of life with young children to get us down. I’ve been taking citalopram for 3 years now . Like others said it just improves your mood enough that you can cope with the daily shit and feel calm and positive enough to get on with life.

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