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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Workplace etiquette

29 replies

Guessimaprude · 17/08/2019 20:57

I hope this gets a votey button.

Just on my way out of a company due to gross unprofessionalism from the new GM. My grievances are work related, I believe he is running the company into the ground just weeks in, but i am also shocked by his disregard when it comes to mixing private life with work.

He hired his (much younger) girlfriend without advertising the role, telling anyone it was happening or holding interviews. She is a receptionist, so a big imbalance of power. Today he was hugging her and patting her bottom during a busy time in front of customers and im shocked really, never come across this disregard for any kind of propriety?

My friend says its 'not that bad really' - aibu?? If you visited a business and the older manager was patting the young receptionist on the bottom, you would have a good impression of the company? Hmm My friend does not have a customer facing role which i think shows in this instance Grin

Bonus gossip - we know he cheats on her regularly, during work hours. Awkward. Im extremely glad to be leaving this utterly toxic boss!! It feels like i slipped back in time to the 70s Envy

OP posts:
MyFokMarelize · 17/08/2019 21:04

Sounds dreadful. Is it a big company with a proper HR department?

Original poster
Guessimaprude · 17/08/2019 21:05

No sadly, no HR

OP posts:
Original poster
Guessimaprude · 18/08/2019 08:57

Going to take this as proof im not BU! Grin

OP posts:
Mousetolioness · 18/08/2019 12:16

Well, he sounds like a totally unreconstructed prime example of 70s man... so YANBU!

GameChange123 · 20/08/2019 06:42

Let her know he is a cheat. Send her a letter ?

missfliss · 20/08/2019 06:44

Sounds bloody awful - a workplace with no checks and balances and where everyone is kow towing to a man child. Best out of it

AmIThough · 20/08/2019 07:03

Of course it's unprofessional - but are you in a professional environment? Will your customers actually care?

PigletJohn · 20/08/2019 07:25

who owns the business?

PhilCornwall1 · 20/08/2019 07:28

Sounds like a Carry On film.

Original poster
Guessimaprude · 20/08/2019 07:30

If i saw it all on tv, i'd dismiss it as bad writing and unrealistic! I think thats why i was so unprepared for this man! Everything he has done is like 'woah, REALLY?'

I DO think quite a few customers will indeed care and yes the business is owned by an individual who is distant but not entirely so and isnt daft. I am sooo tempted to say something to him but i dont want to be the troublemaker and not be believed, i have come to the conclusion it's better to leave and let 70sBoss nosrdive the place into the hole he's digging and not be accountable for the blame.

He loathes me in particular. I'm too old to be impressed by him flirting and i see NOTHING to admire businesswise and he knows that. He won't even turn up to meetings with me to discuss work matters and has frozen me out of everything.

OP posts:
IAskTooManyQuestions · 20/08/2019 07:31

What sort of business is ti ?

I feel sure this would be a big no-no at Deloittes, but perfectly acceptable at the Playboy Club.

Ive worked in places where people are inter-related, and it does become unprofessional with pet names, touching, banter and so forth, Christmas parties were an eye opener. But most people know which companies are full of nepotism.

@missfliss - why 'man child' ? I cant see anything that implies 'man child' and for clarity - can you define 'woman-child' ? Just so I can see the balance.

stupid fucking phrase. man child my arse

Original poster
Guessimaprude · 20/08/2019 07:41

I think if his girlfriend came in to visit us and he wasnt a cheating sleazebag with a penchant for our only just over the age of consent staff and he patted her bum in front of staff, i'd think 'aw, sweet, they like each other', but in this context it just tipped me over the edge! I'm not a cats bum mouth type, but i am very focussed at work and focussed on whats right for the business.

I thought our business was classy, we were always told that. The culture this guy has introduced has dragged us down :( it's heading to playboy club!

OP posts:
AmIThough · 20/08/2019 07:43

Saying you've always been told your business is 'classy' makes it sound like an expensive strip club to me BlushConfused

Original poster
Guessimaprude · 20/08/2019 07:47

Lol, no! Grin but we're supposed to be high-end in the marketplace!

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 20/08/2019 07:50

Dreadful. You are better off out of it.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 20/08/2019 07:54

Dear God, don't send his girlfriend a letter.

If you have any regard for the owner then yes, tell him factually your concerns about the business. That's not only not meddling, it's arguably your professional duty. But if the place is badly managed enough to hire this guy and for him to operate with no oversight, it probably deserves to go down, so yes, leave. It happens; save yourself.

housewifeoflittleitaly · 20/08/2019 07:55

Your in a hotel?

This is highly inappropriate & unprofessional. Unfortunately I see it Day in & out. It’s an industry that isn’t regulated & unless you have a hr team things like this & much worse go unchecked & unmanaged.

I could write a book about the stuff i seen every day.

Original poster
Guessimaprude · 20/08/2019 07:58

God no i wouldnt dream of saying anything to the girlfriend, i only meant the owner!

OP posts:
Ilovewillow · 20/08/2019 08:01

Totally unprofessional and quite frankly grim! My husband and I work together and I can safely say we have never hugged or bottom patted once in 13 yrs!

I would say something to the owner, I would want to know as an owner!

MrsTishellsNeckBrace · 20/08/2019 08:31

What’s his end game for the company do you think ? I would tell the owner with specific examples. Has staff turnover increased? . As a customer I’d hate the bottom patting and be vocal about it on departure. The receptionist must be thick as mince as he has her anchored there for his double benefit surely - keeps her in his managed sight and she logs all the movements and gossip on his behalf. He sounds like an absolute delight. Wishing you every success for your new job Flowers

missfliss · 20/08/2019 08:41

@IAskTooManyQuestions

Since I don't actually give a sh1t if you approve of my choice of phrase 'manchild' to describe this behaviour:

He hired his (much younger) girlfriend without advertising the role, telling anyone it was happening or holding interviews. She is a receptionist, so a big imbalance of power. Today he was hugging her and patting her bottom during a busy time in front of customers and im shocked really, never come across this disregard for any kind of propriety?

I won't be providing you with 'balance' of finding a 'woman child' description as your opinion is totally irrelevant to me.

Original poster
Guessimaprude · 20/08/2019 08:48

MrsTishells i think you are spot on about the gf and glad its not just me that sees it!

I don't think he has an endgame other than his own career advancement, or possibly a piece of a4 with 'make monies' scrawled on it with a crayola. Its my belief after a few weeks that he's bitten off more than he can chew and he's a superficial person with superficial understanding of business. He isnt doing anything i couldnt with bells on, but i wouldnt feel experienced enough to put myself forward as overall manager. I think he took a massive punt, and it magically paid off due to his good facade, but it's crumbling upon encountering reality!

OP posts:
CornishMaid1 · 20/08/2019 08:52

I think I would wait until close to your leaving day and then speak to the owner and let him know the business issues you see. He will be glad to know and if he is not/feeds it back to the manager you will be about to leave so won't have as long to put up with a bad working environment.

The problem with him kissing/patting his girlfriend is to me the fact that, as a customer, you would not know they are actually already a couple who work together, but would just get the impression that he is a really inappropriate boss and that would turn me off the business - that is just not the way you would behave in front of customers even if you want to act like that elsewhere in the office.

Yabbers · 20/08/2019 09:13

Sounds like envy that the girlfriend has been hired and probably gets some perks.

I’m not sure why any of it is your business unless it actually hampers your ability to do your job. If you think the company is going to fold, just leave. I’m not sure why you are so invested in it that you want to warn the owner that a business I’d assume they are keeping an eye on, is going to go under, despite you having no actual proof of that.

Yabbers · 20/08/2019 09:16

The problem with him kissing/patting his girlfriend is to me the fact that, as a customer, you would not know they are actually already a couple who work together, but would just get the impression that he is a really inappropriate boss and that would turn me off the business

That’s your problem, isn’t it? Not theirs. You would make a judgement because of your own prejudices. If I saw a couple acting like this, I’d assume they were in a relationship. The reaction of the woman in particular would be a dead giveaway.

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