I'll try not drip feed, have NC for this. This is about a fairly close family member. My husband has ADHD and Aspergers, he needs a lot of nagging about anything and everything, he also needs help remembering and prioritising things like personal hygiene. Our daughter is going through the diagnostic process for ODD, Aspergers and ADHD, already has a diagnosis for SPD and absurdly high intelligence. Frankly she is more than a handful, I had to give up work to be on constant stand by for when she gets sent home from school which is minimum 1-2 a week, she has extremely violent outbursts which I bare the brunt of, and needs so much assistant with just daily life. It is draining and difficult, but I try as much as I can to knuckle under and just get on with it.
We live very remotely, and not close to the family member in question, but she is a sufficiently close family member that we speak maybe once a week on facetime and on chat, and we visit regularly, although they do not come to us.
This family member cares for an elderly family member, who lives in their house, they suffer from dementia, they have carers come in every day to help with getting dressed, medication and meals times, also the family member in question used to be a carer by profession, so she's not unaware of what is going on, and actually has a better understanding on how to get help for certain things.
Now I do not have a social life, none whatsoever, we (DH and I) never go out without our children, and currently everything going on with our daughter is all consuming.
The family member knows this, and yet they feel that I am an appropriate person to be their sounding board, about all the things that are difficult for them as I would understand, sounds fair enough. They complain all the time about never having 'me' time, and everything they have do. They go out at least twice a month, to a restaurant, or for drinks, meet up with friends or other family, but also in the last year, have been to New Zealand for nearly 3 weeks, been on a 'girls' holiday within Europe and had 2 weekends away in the UK. They have also been to concerts, have friends stay with them, they are not by any means cut off from the outside world, or short on cash to go out and enjoy themselves, but also have people to be at home with the elderly family member to allow for this.
I am so past this person messaging me with how hard done by they are, and how no-one helps them, how they never get to just live life, if I don't reply immediately I get nagged about it, if I try and explain what I'm going through they are just not interested and its all about them.
AIBU to just stop bothering? I get nothing out of this 'relationship' and the comparison of their hard done by makes me feel SO alone.