Aibu to be feeling really sad...

[Pinklady1982]

... or should I just get over it?

I've had a couple of really close friends since my days in college, I'm now 36. My friends both had children before me and seemed to forget about me a bit, which I felt was understandable at the time. Now however, they have both gained other friendship groups and I have been through an awful lot in the last year (lost my father last year) and even though they have both also lost parents, neither of them have been there for me like I'd hoped. Now I know they are of course entitled to have other friends, it's just that they know they are my only friends and apart from my fiance and mum I don't have any other support network. I have tried to arrange get togethers etc but nothing ever seems to materialise, yet I see on Facebook they have been out together. I feel so blummin down and like there isn't a single person I could call to say " hey do you want to go out. " I've tried not to be too needy or anything, but whether I get in touch or leave it a while it doesn't make a difference. I just feel so sad and let down. I feel so alone and just can't seem to make new friends. I really feel as though I've always been a good friends and would do anything for anyone. Where might I have gone wrong??

Same response I get from my 'friends'

Oh OP, so sorry you’re feeling so sad. It doesn’t sound as though you’ve done anything wrong. It sounds as though they have just gone through stages of life at a different pace to you and it does impact on friendships quite often. I think the answer is to work on widening your network and making some new friends. You obviously know how to make friends. What’s stopped you since college?

Hi, my wife has similar issues with her friends, she moved around a lot when she was a kid so never really developed long term friendships. I do t know why she finds it hard to make and keep friends as she is a lovely person. I have some close friends but we have drifted since children as well, it could be that your mates get together more as they both have kids, it really does Change everything. So I’m Sorry but I’ve no real advice as such just wanted to tell you that your aren’t alone, and in the unlikely event that you are anywhere near Portsmouth let us know

I suspect now they have kids they tend to hang around with other parents for the entertainment of their children as much as anything else. No excuse not to meet up for a night out and support you when you lost your dad though. I am sure if you have children yourself you will make friends with other parents too. In the meantime I would think the best way to make friends is via a hobby or work?

Thank you for your replies. I do have a child, she is now nearly 7. I was only 2 years behind them, and we did get together at first quite a bit, but over the past 2 years has been where it has really drifted and the last year when I've needed people around me the most they have been non existent. I initially made what I thought good friends at a baby group then school, but they also drifted, despite me trying to arrange get togethers etc. People just always tend to let me down. My oh doesn't get it and just says I don't need them (not in a controlling way) but I don't think he really understands that a girl just wants a girls night every now and then. I crave to go out dancing like I used to. Not all the time of course, just a good night out every now and then. But hey what can I do!?