What to do about DD

[birdsdontflyhome]

I have a DD who is 8. We have had her 3 cousins staying over for a few days as I thought it would be nice for her to spend the time together. They are fairly close. Their behaviour is different from what I expect from my own DD. They are often a bit cheeky, don't have a bedtime routine and don't always know how to behave. I absolutely love them dearly! My DB just has a different parenting technique to me- allows them unlimited screen time etc. Anyway- this behaviour has rubbed off on my own DD. Since they have been here she has called me fat- I'm about 5lbs overweight, so not tiny but hardly huge either. She has attempted to kick me whilst my back is turned. Has been cheeky numerous times, has refused to go to bed. I have told her off at the time but not sure what to do when they go home. Do I just sit and talk to DD? Or do I have a further punishment? Such as she loses something she enjoys? I cannot blame her cousins as she is her own person and she knows right from wrong. I'm just so
disappointed in her and her behaviour.

Just sit her down explain to her that people have different rules and that your rules are xyz and that abc won’t be tolerated even if that is
The behaviour of her cousins. If she persists there will be a punishment.

As annoying as this is I would tread fairly softly here. She’s attempting, in an 8year old fashion, to be as cool as she perceives her cousins to be.

I would certainly have a quiet word with her and perhaps have a signal that you can use if she is overstepping the mark.

Reward good behaviour and obviously you can impose certain house rules on the cousins regardless of your DBs parenting style.

I just feel like sitting down and talking to her isn't enough, she needs some sort of consequence. As they see each other quite often I see their behaviour rubbing off more and more. But I don't want to be too harsh either! I know she is probably just copying to try and fit in, but I don't want her to think it is acceptable either!

Maybe just say that if she cant behave when her cousins are here, you might have to limit the sleepovers or visits.

Are the cousins on their own visiting or with your brother? I’d discipline them too if behaving badly in your house, and they should follow your bedtime routine as @MatildaTheCat says.

There's a big difference between trying to stay up later and calling you fat and kicking.

Staying up is pushing boundaries. Normal behaviour especially when cousins are staying.

Fat shaming and kicking you are unacceptable behaviours for an 8 year old. She knows better. I would definitely punish this behaviour.

Cousins are on their own visiting. My DB is on holiday. I have kept with my own rules when they are here but it's a constant battle as they simply aren't used to it. The playing up/cheeky behaviour/trying to stay up late I can sort of excuse as just trying to fit in. It's the nasty names and attempting to lash out that I have a problem with. We see a lot of cousins, and I really do love them and don't want to limit how much time they spend together. I can't speak to DB as he won't listen and will just feel that I am attacking him as a parent.

A quiet word with her now, along with if you do x, y is the consequence, and follow through. I don't think punishment after they have left is the way to go. Once they go it's best to reestablish your own household normal as soon as possible. Before future visits, a quick reminder of how different families have different rules, etc. and she will be expected to follow the rules of her household. I think this type of behavior is quite normal, but best to nip it as it occurs.

I think you need to sit her down and tell her how disappointed you are in her behaviour. Explain to her how everyone gets swayed by their friends, we all want to be cool but the lesson is to always think things through for yourself rather than copy others. Calling anyone fat is unkind and bullying, she needs to see now how she got overwhelmed by her cousins being there and behaved in such an unkind manner.

What happens next depends on how she takes it. If she seems genuinely embarrassed, remorseful and apologetic I would leave it there. If not, the cousins won't be coming over to stay again.