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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really hurt?

25 replies

sintille · 17/08/2019 10:21

I've posted about this before so excuse me.
My "friend" introduced me to this girl (who is gay ) and another girl.
Me and this girl started dating etc then my friend got jealous and cut me off to exclude me so I wouldn't get invited to situations where this girl would be.
Me and her text daily and organised a date for next week.
She was quiet last night and it turns out today they are all out for the day (didn't tell me or invite me)
I actually liked this girl and thought the feeling was mutual.
Clearly not.
Aibu to be hurt ?
My friend wanted to exclude me and she's succeeding.
The girl I'm dating has just text asking if I'm out having drinks today ....
It's not that she's going out with my friend,it's that it's been done so sly.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 17/08/2019 10:26

You need to talk to the girl you dated and possibly lose the 'friend' who sounds like a bitch.

Original poster
sintille · 17/08/2019 10:43

I just feel a bit betrayed.
If she has said she was going out with her and just told me ,rather than me having to find out on social media.
How do you trust people like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
sintille · 17/08/2019 10:56

Anyone else have any opinions?

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 17/08/2019 10:59

i've got mixed up the girl and the friend bit, i couldnt understand who you have the problem with.

RushianDisney · 17/08/2019 11:00

But why should she have told you? It's none of your business what people you are dating are doing when they aren't with you. She may have thought it would hurt your feelings to tell you she was going out for the day with your mutual friend (who doesn't sound like much of a friend to you) and she was right, but it shouldn't be an issue. Not everyone has to be invited all the time, people can maintain seperate friendships within a group dynamic.

Original poster
sintille · 17/08/2019 11:02

@RushianDisney the only reason my "friend" cut me off was to exclude me,this girl I'm "dating" knows this and knows how vile she has been to me,the lies and nasty things she's been saying about me yet she's gone out with her today regardless
She told me she had my back,and she knew what was going on.
If this girl I'm dating had any feelings for me she would have told me out of respect if nothing else.

OP posts:
Original poster
sintille · 17/08/2019 11:05

@bluebell34567 sorry.
Basically been friends with my friend over 10 years,as soon as I started dating her friend she got angry and cut me off (to stop me being invited along with them)
So now the girl I'm dating(or thought I was ) has gone out with her today and didn't even tell me,no explanation nothing.
I don't expect her to take sides but this isn't for me.

OP posts:
Spam88 · 17/08/2019 11:07

But presumably she was friends with your friend before meeting you, so it wouldn't be unusual for them to have gone out together without you.

bluebell34567 · 17/08/2019 11:08

oh i agree with you on that. this is kind of red flag.
give some more time with her to know her better, but be careful.

Original poster
sintille · 17/08/2019 11:11

@Spam88 it's not even because she's gone out with her it's because she never had the decency to tell me.
It's a bit sickening

OP posts:
IknowyouIwannasayhi · 17/08/2019 11:15

Cut your losses. You do not need either of these people in your life.
Make your own arrangements today and go out.

GeraldineFangedVagine · 17/08/2019 11:18

Is your friend gay also? Sounds like maybe she likes the girl you were dating? Maybe the dating girl is playing games with your friend? It sounds like you should bin both of them off and find a new friend and a new girl to date. Sorry you’ve been made to feel so bad.

Original poster
sintille · 17/08/2019 11:26

No my friend isn't gay but the girl I'm dating told me a few years ago she thought my friend had a crush on her.
I just feel so let down.
You think the girl I'm dating would have invited me along....

OP posts:
PapaShango · 17/08/2019 11:27

I remember you pr last post and it was almost identical to this one.

Your friend sounds jealous but the girl you’re ‘dating’ hasn’t actually done anything wrong. That was her friend before you two started hooking up. She doesn’t have to cut contact with her just because you have.

Stay off social media and just accept that you aren’t friends anymore. Keeping dating this woman but realise you can’t stop her from seeing your ex friend. It’s non of your business

Original poster
sintille · 17/08/2019 11:36

I really don't expect her to cut contact.
It's the fact me and her speak daily and she didn't tell me,I had to put 2 and 2 together and figure it out.
I need to feel like the person I'm dating has my back a little,she doesn't

OP posts:
Thingsthatgo · 17/08/2019 11:38

I have 2 close friends. I introduced them to each other and they started dating.
I felt a little bit jealous, not because I wanted to date either of them, but because they clearly liked each other more than they liked me, and wanted to spend time together without me (obviously!)

I made a point of spending time with each of them without their girlfriend, so we could maintain our friendship.

Original poster
sintille · 17/08/2019 11:42

Do I just tell the girl I'm "dating" I'm no longer willing to put myself in a position where I feel like shit?

OP posts:
GeraldineFangedVagine · 17/08/2019 11:44

How long have you been dating?

Original poster
sintille · 17/08/2019 11:46

Only around 4 months now.
We speak daily ..yet she didn't mention it.
Hilarious

OP posts:
Original poster
sintille · 17/08/2019 12:03

Also the fact they've kept it so hidden so I clearly wouldn't find out.
Sneaky

OP posts:
GeraldineFangedVagine · 17/08/2019 12:08

I think the dating girl probably likes the drama. It would have been nice for her to tell you, but to be honest if your friend has been nasty and unkind to you and she prioritises seeing her over dating you, then you can do better. Leave them to it. I’ve got friends like this, who also happen to be lesbians and it’s very draining for the person that they put in the middle. Steer clear of both of them is my advice, life is too short.

Original poster
sintille · 17/08/2019 12:20

You think she would have said
I'm inviting her along and not excluding her.
Clearly doesn't like me enough for that

OP posts:
SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 17/08/2019 12:30

OP, when I read
The girl I'm dating has just text asking if I'm out having drinks today....
I did wonder whether she might have suggested asking you along, and your 'friend' told her that she knew that you were going out for drinks with someone else..? That just might be the reason that your date didn't say what she was doing - she might be thinking that you haven't told her that you're out with another person..??
Your 'friend' sounds very manipulative Hmm

Happierlife · 17/08/2019 13:18

Not meant in a mean way but why would you want to be invited and see your friend if she has been horrible to you?
Let the girl you are dating spend time with her if she wants.
Also just because you know the friend, you don't need to invited everytime.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 17/08/2019 14:49

I don't expect her to take sides

I think before you confront her you need to think carefully about what it is you do expect. Because the OP reads a bit like wanting her to take sides to be honest. Do you expect her to stop socialising with this other girl altogether? That would be pretty controlling. Or is it that you expect her to tell you when she has plans with her? If so, why? You're clearly very angry at this girl and don't like your GF spending time with her without you, so how would knowing in advance that that was happening make it any easier? Think carefully about what you actually want, whether what you're asking is reasonable and whether it's worth wrecking something good over.

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