Why me? *triggering*

[lostingreen]

I have been dealt a spectacularly bad hand in life & I am only just clinging on. I feel down today (understatement) & I'm wondering 'why me?' Why did the universe decide that I should be the lucky owner of a childhood of torture/abuse & a lifetime of a severe, untreatable medical problem. I am just sick to the back teeth of having to deal with it all without respite. Some people have lovely warm families, secure income, good health & a loving partner. My greatest asset is that I'm still alive & haven't thrown the towel in but that's nothing to celebrate. My life is misery. What is the answer to 'why me?' Will it ever change?

Lostingreen.
Don't give up. You've come through so much. I've been there and there is light at the end of the tunnel I promise.
It sounds like you need to see a dr and tell them how you feel.
Hopefully someone else will be along to gìve more advice.

My theory of this sort of thought pattern is that by the time everyone is in a nursing home most people's lives overall have evened up a bit with the relative doses of good and bad times.
If your "shark cage" is broken or missing you will be more susceptible to further damaging experiences/interactions.
Keep a record of what has gone right each day and look for the gold dust to keep adding up because there are very few gold bars lurking to be found in everyday adulting.
It is hard. Keep going as you may be closer to the next corner than you think .