To think that counting your blessings helps to increase happiness?

[jennymanara]

Recognising the things you have that are good in your life is I think essential to be content with life.

Yes quite a lot of religions have gratitude as a basic requirement and some research has been done that people who reflect on things and people in their life with gratitude are happier.

Whenever something bad happens and my DH gets moody, I make him count out positive things that happened that day or week. It's always more.
Seems to be helping him. He is more chilled again.

Doesn’t work for me tbh. Makes me feel worse. Like I have no business feeling down, that I’m a horrible person who has no reason to feel down because look at all these “blessings.”

If you can solely count your blessings without comparison then yes it could help to increase your happiness. Comparison is the thief of joy.

But, is a person able to truly enjoy their own blessings while knowing there is better out there? Could a homeless person be content with a waterproof coat when others have a house? They might have more than some but still a lot less than others.

You can, but to a certain extent you'll always be after what you can't have/don't have.

For some people a blessing is an essential so wouldn't see it as such, for others a blessing would be something to achieve and would maybe appreciate it more.

(I'm sleep deprived and rambling)

I think you have to be able to acknowledge shit things as well. I am not talking about a pollyanna approach.

Absolutely. I still feel I immensely grateful turning on a tap after only a weeks holiday in Nepal. It’s a small thing and the holiday was years ago but I only afterwards did I truly appreciate how it both stops me being thirsty and getting ill. I think about it pretty much every time I use it and really really love a tap that has clean water coming out.
Also hot baths. They always make me happy after a childhood of freezing ones
And my car. Spent many years failing my test and pretending it was fine ( I like walking to be fair) Being able to get to places, when I want though is incredible and useful.

I agree. I had depression and was self harming and on Prozac from aged 16-26 following a nervous breakdown because of my childhood.

I started intensive counselling in my mid-20s and it completely changed me and I've not touched anti-depressants since (I'm 42 now).

BUT... When life has been testing since (divorce, losing loved ones, being made redundant) and situations are threatening to let depression back, I started volunteering for the homeless and my local food bank.

This is not a completely altruistic act, as it also helps me. I feel less hate towards myself as I feel I'm making a difference, I feel good that my (and other's) volunteering means people get the help they need. Plus it makes me count my blessings 100%.

Every time I felt sorry for myself I reminded myself how lucky I was / am and it really snaps me back to not letting the depression back.

I appreciate this sounds incredibly simplistic and I'm not virtue signalling here, but it genuinely changed my outlook and how I tackle the tough times. It works for me.

I also think not being materialistic helps. I like nice things when I can afford them, I don't have them if I can't, or get second hand / a compromise. I say this as I've friends that are utterly miserable about what they don't have, yet never stop to be grateful for what they DO have. Makes me so sad for them.

It's like that bit In Romeo and Juliet. when Romeo has just been banished from Verona and he's full-on lying on the ground crying and saying he might as well be dead. Friar Lawrence loses patience and unleashes an epic rant, during which he lists all the reasons why Romeo should get a grip - he literally counts his blessings for him and after every one he says 'There art thou happy.'

DH and I use this phrase a lot. It works!

It's very late and my phone is about to die. But this is a subject I feel passionately about. I'll be back.

Yes

I'm a very long time sober alcoholic. Thirty years in April. Did an AMA on it.

Gratitude is what keeps me sober. All alcoholics drink on self-pity. The AA catchphrase on it is "Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink."

You cannot feel self-pity and gratitude at the same time. It's just not possible.

So we focus on gratitude. I never stop being grateful for being free of the compulsion to drink. It's gone completely.

Gratitude helps to make you happy. I remind myself that I live in safe England where there's no war or famine. My health is poor but I have lots of people to love who love me. I'm fairly skint but I manage. I have so many blessings to count.

Gratitude is a super power. It's one of the secrets of life.

I'm not religious so I think of this more in terms seeing the silver linings. I'm this way by nature and have always had a fairly positive outlook. I've been homeless, hungry, unwashed, neglected, emotionally abused. I'm grateful I'm able to see the positives, I'm sure it helped me get to where I am.

I think it CAN help but it depends how it's done. Telling someone with depression they should be grateful for X or to count their blessings can reinforce an unentitlement to their own feelings meaning they shut down. Being able to self reflect though is a useful life skill that can help people survive the bleakest of times.

I agree with you OP and I do it a lot. Unfortunately, a lot of the people who could be counting their blessings are not of the mindset to do it so I think you're preaching to the converted.

I went to Catholic school and it's only really as an adult I realise actually how hard the concepts they taught are to put into practise.
'count your blessings'
'do unto others'
'turn the other cheek' etc.
Sometimes they are hard to do but the self reflection is good anyway.

You don't need to be religious though, I think prayer, meditation, and mindfullness all probably have similar calming effects.

There’s something to be said for appreciating what you have and also accepting that you cant be happy all the time. Sometimes you will feel sad and depressed no matter what you have and that’s ok too.

This works for me (but not for DH). For me it’s a way of keeping things in perspective and training myself to notice (sometimes very small) good things.

Gratitude is a super power. It's one of the secrets of life.

I agree with this. I don't always manage to do it, but I do try. I know I have a lot to be grateful for. I don't think telling people what they have to be grateful for works, it has to come from you.
I remember hearing an interview with someone who said how much would you pay to give up a happy marriage? The point being that some things are worth an incredible amount. I do sometimes get fed up of not having as much money as many others, but I remind myself I have a very happy marriage.

If it's helpful to you all that means is it's helpful to you. Everyone is different.

Yes the kids and I often think about something positive that happened during the day especially if we are having a tough time.

I agree. A couple of years ago I cared for DH through cancer. As our families are all a long haul flight away, I felt at times overwhelmed (although friends were great). One thing that really helped was practicing gratitude. For a while I made it a formal habit. Kept a notebook by the bed & each night found 3 things, however trivial, to be thankful for that we’re part of the day. So something specific, not a generalised I’m grateful for my family statement. A few moments of conscious reflection each day made such a difference. As poster up thread remarks, gratitude is a superpower.

Absolutely. I'm very lucky to have my freedom as I was kept in a slavery situation by my mother when I was in my 20s. A fluke occurrence when I was 26 meant I got the chance to grab my freedom and not a day goes by when I'm not grateful for that even though I'm nearly 50. Even just being able to have a cup of coffee when I want or a walk in the sunshine is like a treat and I take great pleasure in simple things.

Stoicism also got me through the bad times and I fully subscribe to the stoic philosophy on life - I can recommend this to anyone.

The Gratitude Diaries by Janice Kaplan is a good book on this topic.