To feel bad for calling 999?

[littlemissymuppetty]

So, I have alcoholic neighbours. Or at least neighbours that drink a lot of alcohol.
They are retired and weekends especially they start drinking after lunch and get steadily louder and louder until about 7pm they will be hollering at each other in the garden.
Tonight’s row went on for 90 minutes. He was screaming and screaming about how he “pays the fucking bills” and “you need to learn to shut your fucking mouth”
It’s so loud that even when they go inside their detached house with their windows and doors shut I can still hear raised voices.
It’s right under my kids bedroom window when they’re trying to sleep.
This happens every single weekend without fail. Sometime week nights too.
Anyway, I’ve been advised to call the police each time (although I’ll admit that I only tend to call when it’s a prolonged argument or I hear things that worry me, like threats of violence)
Anyway, tonight the call handler said “are you sure they’re not just having an every day row that people have? As we won’t send a car out if it’s just an every day row”
Now I feel bad for calling. It probably is an every day row for them, but when it’s going on for hours and in their garden with awful language should I not be calling the police?

So, they're "everyday rows" in the sense it's continuing domestic violence affecting most days or every day, but it's not an everyday row in the sense where two people in a safe relationship have a normal disagreement.

Calling the police and them responding is therefore appropriate. Especially as you know the ongoing threats of violence that occur when this is happening - it's not for you to work out from the other side of the walls whether there is a definite and immediate risk of violence on every occasion. That is why the police attend.

Your "role" is simply to notice that something concerning is happening, and to use the appropriate channels to notify the people who are tasked with responding.

The fact that the domestic violence is loud, distressing and difficult to live beside is actually secondary and incidental to the primary purpose of your phone call. Don't let that make you doubt yourself. You know these aren't "everyday rows".

@littlemissymuppetty

Do they have adult kids OP? Have a strong word with one of them. Tell them, that you’ve seriously had enough of it and for them to speak to their parents or sort out counselling - tell them they’re drunk all the time and let them listen to a recording. Tell them it’s making your life miserable.

I don’t think they have any kids. In the past few years I’ve not seen them have a single visitor full stop.

Then continue to call 101 (as you say they’ll send a car anyway and it frees up 999) - hopefully the more often you log the issue, the more they’ll get hassled by police and may have to get ss involved.

I have noticed that when I call it does quieten down for a couple of weeks. Then it starts up again. I’d say on average I call up every 6 weeks, and only for the most serious arguments they have, otherwise I’d be phoning 3 times a week.
I also don’t report the loud music, dogs barking, slamming of garage doors at 5.30am or the talking to his wife at 5.40am in the garden every morning so it wakes us up. As I’m not as concerned about that as I am the arguments.
They have a strange routine, lights out and passed out by 9pm each night and up at 5am. And god knows what he needs in his garage at 5.30am every morning!!!

At least twice a week, preferably on weekends take your children out for an hour or two. Before you leave home find the most obnoxious music you can and turn it up full volume to where the nasty neighbors can hear it. Go even farther and go on a trip and leave them to hear that noise. Serve them right!

I remember you posting about them before they sound horrendous. Dont feel guilty OP call everytime
They deserved to be locked up.

I am constantly shushing my children in the garden when they’re just playing as kids do.
We’ve got a circle of decking at the bottom of the garden and if they go on their scooters or trikes on it then it reverberates, so I’m out there like a shot making them ride on the patio instead.
And then I think to myself that the neighbours have no respect for us with the racket they make. But 2 wrongs don’t make a right I suppose.

I couldn't handle that. I would be round at the door telling them to shut the fuck up because you can hear everything.

We had friends over the other day and were having a catch up in the garden and they wanted to go over and tell him to shut the fuck up, but I wouldn’t let them as didn’t want to cause a scene.
They were even scrapping at 3pm when we were burying our family dog in the garden after he died.
Selfish pricks.

I think it's totally unreasonable to refer to them both as selfish and only be worried about your own family if this is domestic violence. Yes, it's a pain in the arse, but if she's screaming for help, she absolutely needs support to get out, not the police turning up on the doorstep, as she'll probably get a beating for that.

Ok, I agree the domestic violence isn’t selfish, but the banging doors at 5.30am, chatting in the garden before sunrise and playing loud music is definitely selfish.
As is winding up their dogs by shouting at them to “bark misty, go on bark, bark” because he thinks it’s funny.
They need help re the domestic violence I agree.

Oh blimey OP can’t you move sooner?
It sounds utterly horrendous

And don’t shush your kids for normal daytime kids playing noise.

Call 999 if there are threats and she sounds scared or is asking for help

Do they own the house?

I’d feel so guilty selling to someone when I know they will endure this although I totally appreciate that isn’t your issue.

No don't feel bad at all. Noisy neighbours wreak havoc on your life and people do not understand how.much it effects you until they go through it themselves.

This exactly. In view of the updates, I'd also put in complaints about the loud music as well.

Sounds like my parents and I am grateful to their neighbours who called the police as it meant my dad got arrested and my mum taken into respite care which turned into a permanent place in a care home (she has dementia).

We have neighbours like that.
And as strange as it sounds thats the norm to them. They dont even know they ARE shouting.
Weird but true.