To think you can ever get over resenting your OH

[ramblingspoons]

Is it possible. Years of resentment for working long hours, leaving the majority of childcare and house work to me . Disengaging fro me I.e. doesn’t really converse . Has no idea how to manage his emotions. Needs to be asked to do anything both domestically or with the kids ,
He can be so sweet and kind and loving but can also be grumpy, moody and difficult . I’m worn down . Any advice on how to help myself out of this pickle . I resent him
At times and when I try to communicate with him he takes his t as criticism
Thanks mmediately amd considers himself the victim . He says I see the worst In him and he can’t do anything right in my eyes . The examples I gave at the beginning of the post are factual . Thanks for reading . To even admit these feelings has been helpful .

How old are the DC?

Do you/could you work?

I work full time . Kids are preteen and teen . I love him . I want to make it work. I dont even know how to communicate with him as he actually does not even reply
Until he trots out the old... you think the worst of me... etc lines. We get on, rub along fine, kids don’t even notice as this is just who he is . Any advice please . Id really appreciate it

Can anyone advise me please?

How long would you be willing to put up with this if nothing changes?

If he won't/can't communicate with you, I don't see how you can turn this around. It takes two people to make a relationship work.

You do everything, this works for him so you rub along nicely. Nothing changes if nothing changes, so could you stop doing anything for him and let him see how much you do do for him? Could you have some time away from the house and family so he can take over for a while and see how much you actually do? Sounds drastic, but this is the time for drastic measures.

He may love you, but he certainly doesn't value you. Also he turns it around on you and plays the victim, that's unacceptable.

Be specific and talk in statements of how you feel.

Last night you spoke 2 sentences to me in total. It was about dinner and arrangements for the kids. I know you dont mean it like that but when this happens it makes me feel unappreciated/ like servant rather than a partner. Think of some statements to respond to the 'you think the worst of me' eg I love you but think we would both be happier if we could discuss issues without accusations and arguing.

Say you dont think you communicate well together and ask him if he would attend counselling with you. Go by yourself if he doesnt

could you stop doing anything for him and let him see how much you do do for him? Could you have some time away from the house and family so he can take over for a while and see how much you actually do?

This could work for some but I think they KNOW what you do, the problem is they think that's the way it should be and they don't consider it their problem. It's good old fashioned sexism. I sympathise OP and am in a similar situation. Our DC are toddlers though and I'm going back to work in January purely because of this - in the hope of injecting some equality into the relationship. I'm going to give it six months of us both working full time to see if things can be salvaged and we can parent as a team but if nothing changes after that six months I will be leaving him.

Would you consider couples counseling? I think it sounds like it might be too far gone for simple "fix-it's" and may be time to bring out the big guns? It will give you the space to say what you need to say and he won't be able to play the victim as well if he's being held to account in front of counselor.

You seem very needy of advice. Do you want people to tell you everything will be fine, or how to mens your marriage?
I think in threads luke this, you know exactly how you feel, you just aren't ready to face it or do anything about it.