Please give me your positive stories of retirement.

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I'm in my 40s, so this is a way off for me - but I'm increasingly feeling genuinely anxious and scared of retirement.

I've watched the behaviour of both DP and PIL as they've given up work, and I desperately don't want to become like them. All four adults are alive and both mentally and physically healthy, so this is not dementia or any other kind of MH problem. But since retiring, they've become self-absorbed, selfish, unable to manage time, unable to organise themselves in any reasonable amount of time, fearful of totally norman things, and they've lost the capacity to empathise with other people almost completely. (My mother, of someone who is losing their child: "She's at the hospital by the bedside day and night, I mean what is the point?"). None of them seem to feel any need to be creative or to contribute in any way to the world (none of them have any childcare responsibilities).

They didn't used to be like this - so what on earth has happened? Is this normal? Please reassure me with stories about people who are retired and not like this - because the older people I can think of who I look at and think "Oh, I'd like to be like that" (Judi Dench!!) are all to some extent working.

*normal things, nor norman things!

I don't really have any positives to give - my DH and I both retired last year and we are both still working. Him full time and me part time. We retired because of completing 30 years employment in the public sector. But we still have two kids to put through uni (want to pay their accommodation/phones/insurances etc) and we still like nice holidays, so here we are still working. But my PIL became like yours - totally self absorbed and yet achieving nothing and enjoying nothing. Scares me too, the thought of it.

I'm in my late 50s and working full time in a full on career and look forward to retirement - unfortunately not for another 10 years - but have similar concerns when I think of my dad who was able to retire in his mid 50s

I think the key is to exercise, socialise and stay in touch with the world. But it is difficult as you get older to do all those things - fatigue gets in the way and there is cognitive decline ( I'm feeling it now - I'm not as sharp as I used to be) and that makes planning and executing things more difficult which then creates anxiety and so on.

My parents had ten good years of retirement enjoying holidays and social times with friends and family. Then my Dad got ill so their horizons were curtailed while Mum looked after him.

After he died, Mum went on holidays on her own to China and Goa; downsized to a smaller house; continued to visit friends and family, go to social events and groups, got a new dog and has made new friends. Only in the past couple of years has her own health started to limit her a bit. She’s 84, but still drives, goes out several times a week, sees friends, visits family and has us to visit. She is a lot more trendy than me!

So - yes, people do slow down at some point. But it is not the immediate and automatic consequence of retirement. Ongoing social interaction and doing the things that interest you are key.

I think most people who enjoy retirement are people who never loved their jobs. I did, so am finding retirement hard work. You have to keep thinking about how to use your time. Volunteers, in my experience, have very low status.

My parents have both been retired for years now, absolutely love it and are still wonderful people. They are heavily involved in different projects (charity and community stuff) which takes up a lot of time, go on multiple holidays per year and see us 'kids' and the grandkids most days. They're busier now than when they had jobs! I think being busy (in a meaningful way, not going out to lunch/pub/shopping) has really helped.

Retirement has been amazing for my dad. He has loads of hobbies he really loves and has made new friends.

Oh dear! I clicked on this thread because of its relevance to me and I was hoping to see lots of positive feedback from the happy retired among us!

I'm 61 and thinking of retiring some time next year. I find that I'm losing motivation at work and I too have experienced cognitive decline. Also, I no longer feel the commitment that I used to.

I've become pretty hopeless at time management too! Things that I used to get done in a day now take me a couple of weeks. I have to keep going back over things I have already done, to remind myself what I need to do next.

So, I think I am nearing the end of the line in my current job - and I'm not at all sure that I want another one. But I have no idea what I will fill my days with if I stop working.

I loved my career ( teaching) and so far love retirement.
About a year before I retired I used to wonder what people did all day if they didn't work. Now I wonder how they find time to work.
I experimented with different types of voluntary work when I retired, did supply teaching, looked after a grandchild once a week, helped out with the children my son and daughter-in-law fostered, went to groups at church, had lunch out with friends, visited family etc.started learning a language, knitted for charity, heard readers at a local school. I still do quite a lot of these things although the grandchildren are older and I no longer supply teach.
Retirement will be what you make it, and if you already have interests it helps.
I know people who have joined U3A, people who bought a narrow boat, a couple who took up running.
The years of 'healthy' retirement are full of opportunities.

The idea of retirement is a very recent Western phenomenon. Until very recently people would not have much of a retirement, post industrial jobs were hard and unsafe, and workers were spent when they retired.
Now "retirement" is reall a new invention. In other cultures work would not really stop, just a gradual movement to easier tasks.

I am close to 60 , have been self employed for a long time and have a new business venture which is taking off, and earning me a great deal of money. My OH is a similar age, his compan have no retirement rules, skills are in short supply and there are a couple of employees who continue to work part time in their 70s.

I can;t imagine ever retiring. I love what I do and I have big plans for the future.

I've been retired for six years and I love it! I'm very fortunate to have a professional pension, so no money worries, which helps. I'm also very lucky to have had several grandchildren since retiring and I do regular childcare for their parents. It's such a privilege to have the time to be a real part of their lives, and the flexibility to drop everything if I'm needed unexpectedly. I have a good social life and I'm also looking forward to pursuing more hobbies once the DGC are older and I'm not needed so much.
I loved my job but I don't miss it one bit!

My mum didnt make it to retirement age but my dad is 75 and retired at 60. He is very organised and active, he cycles, goes to so many adult education classes, keeps up with friends and goes to galleries and films, holidays etc.

I'm looking forward to retirement, I have no time for myself just now- so yes I guess that may be seen as selfish, but I have given a lot of my life from a young age over to others and now I know very clearly what I'd like my life to be like. Though with no pension, the state pension age racing up, a teenager with additional needs and an incurable chronic health condition I may never get there!

I retired about 10 months ago. I have been a member of my local Rotary Club for a few years, and the first thing I did was stand for president. I get involved with local schools filling shoeboxes, running a technology tournament for older school children, tomorrow I am with a group taking a dozen disabled people for a day out to Southport Flowershow. On the social side we play bowls, croquet, visit local sites, go on historic pub crawls round Liverpool, have speakers on all sorts of topics - this week a retired Police Inspector talking about gang warfare in Sheffield in the 20s. Plus, I had 30 years in retail (self employed) with just one weeks hol a year so I have a lot of catching up to do. My tip, join a local Rotary Club and get involved. You will meet lots of new friends, have a great social life and do a bit of good locally too. By the way, Rotary is not just a men's club, our national president is female this year, and if the four clubs local to me, 3 have female presidents.

Oh, and we are organising a rock concert in October for cancer relief.

DH retired at 60 and is 78 now. He's always busy - he took up a sport and runs two seniors' teams which takes up a lot of time - complains he doesn't get much time for TV or reading, though we do go to the library quite often.

We live in a village of many retired people and most of them seem to be always out and about and busy - running the steam heritage railway (entirely run by volunteers, most of them over 65, lots of roles from engine-shed to ticketing to catering) - gardening - making things - etc.

The thing is to pick on a hobby, possibly a new one - try out lots - I see someone mention U3A which is very active around here and does lots of interesting things - find one which sticks and really get involved. Walking, photography, a new sport (bowls is really popular among the over 50s) and you can get sucked in to the organising side if you can offer them time - most organisations are glad of it.

I know a lot of retired people and most are busy and happy doing things they never had time for when they worked - choosing for themselves how to spend their hours.

I went back to university at 60, and I wasn't even the oldest one on the course! I feel happier and more positive than I did during the last twenty years my working life, when I wasn't happy in my work, but had to keep ploughing on to pay off my mortgage, knowing I wasn't going to get any further on in my job (and nor did I want to).

Now I feel so appreciative of life and health, and opportunities that I feel I squandered when I was younger. If I'm very lucky, I've got 10+ good years (who knows??) ahead and bit of money tucked away to make each year count.

Youth is definitely wasted on the young, at least it was in my case!

My parents both seem to be enjoying retirement very much (separately, they divorced 25 years ago), my Dad particularly seems to be having the time of his life, mid-70s, spends much of his time climbing in the summer (he's always climbed but has just been to the Krueger National Park and West Virginia to climb, as well as trips to Italy, Spain and various other European countries), and cross-country skiing in winter. Has taken up yoga in a big way, and runs a couple of courses for the OU (he was an academic before retirement).

My Mum's involved in a few community arts festivals, is still active on the folk scene, runs a knit and natter, and whilst not as interpid as my Dad, goes on a lot of SAGA holidays and to folk festivals with her widowed or single friends.

I think the main thing seems to be having active hobbies and interests before retirement that you stay engaged with, and to keep as physically and mentally fit as you can.

My Dad retired at 55. He had a very dull job and retirement has been the best thing for him. He’s written a biography of some obscure historical figure, much admired by those interested in that sort of thing. achieved some interesting things in a scientific field he’s always loved and has become known locally as an expert, he also sits on the board of two charities and frequently travels to London for this, while he’s there he generally tries to see an new art exhibit etc before his train. Mum and he also work on conservation projects locally He’s a very shy very clever man who was hopeless in a corporate environment I’m so glad he’s had this opportunity to spread his wings.

My parents have a very busy, fulfilled retirement as do my neighbours.
The key is to keep interests and get involved in new things.

My MIL does bugger all except visit her brother in his care home, it's a good job he doesn't know because he'd be furious, he couldn't stand her!
She has nothing to talk about and is increasing hard work to spend any time with.
We've tried to suggest voluntary work, joining some classes or going to a coffee morning or something but she just says she's not bored.

I reduced from five days a week, to three and then two. Then we moved to an area where we knew no one and I felt somewhat lost. I did some volunteering work, but nothing really grabbed my interest. We are lucky to have a network of friendly and helpful neighbours. I found a Pilates class, then started going to other exercise classes and now I’m out at least four days a week.

I enjoy doing crafts and have the time to indulge now. I go for walks, have coffee with friends, the theatre is nearby, belong to the National Trust. There’s the usual housework, ironing, diy and so on. I love reading and can easily get lost in a book for the afternoon. I’ve done a couple of online courses and would do something with the Open University if I could afford it.

We haven’t the money to go on holidays abroad, but we live near the sea and I can sit by the sea or walk along the prom.

When people were leaving the civil service under the last round of voluntary release, anyone who was planning on not working/ retiring could attend a course on "retirement planning " I think it was called.
I didn't go, not old enough, but my friend did and found it quite enlightening. A previous poster said about time management, which was one thing this course covered.
When you're working, you have so many hours of the day set up as work time, dinner time, commute time etc, so if you need to tax your car for example, you have to make time for that. When you retire you have all the time in the world to do it, so a lot of things get put in the "do it later" mindset, I've got loads of time. It's easy to get in the habit of bumbling along, as there's no structure to give you that "shit, i've only got 5 minutes spare to do this" mindset to spur you on.
I'm planning on working in a charity shop or similar when I retire eventually as I think you need something to make you get up, get out and get active, seeing other people, not sitting about all day watching tv. A brisk walk every day to get the newspaper, not having it delivered; a walk to the shop to buy fruit for the day, even if just one banana; chat to people on the way, it all helps to keep you going.

My Granny has been retired for 15 years and seems to be loving it! She’s taken up shotputt and bowls, goes to slimming world (I think more for the social scene than the weight loss), does lots of stuff through her church, goes to museums and galleries with friends. The key is definitely keeping active

My 75 year-old Dad.

Thank you all so, so much for these stories. They've really cheered me up and have defintiely comforted me with the idea that retirement can be fulfilling and outward focused. I think DP and PIL are just bad examples - to be honest, they've always been really self-centred, so their behaviour as retirees is just an intensification of something that was already there. Their parenting, on both sides, is a big factor in the fact that none of their children on either side has chosen to have kids themselves. I genuinely think neither pair actually cares about anyone else at all now, including us as their kids, which is upsetting at times. But I realise now that this is something personal, not something that is a general feature of ageing - so hopefully we can break that mould.

Thanks all for the insights. And @ILikeyourHairyHands your Dad is amazing!