To not like comparing baby milestones

[xtinak]

So my DD seems to be hitting her milestones in a roughly average sort of way. Have a couple of friends and acquaintances whose babies seem pretty advanced and I guess understandably they want to share this. I know I shouldn't be affected by it but I come away from this feeling bad somehow! I generally try to avoid these sort of comparison conversations as I think it's slightly bad form. But then I suppose IABU to feel bad? I'm sure this sort of problem will only continue as they grow. Help!

I found it actually got better as they get older. Tiny babies have very obvious milestones like rolling over - you can see when they've done it the first time.

As they get older milestones are less obvious. For example, being able to name all your colours is a very gradual process they dont just wake up one day able to do it. So it's much harder to say "on 28th January Susie learnt to name all her colours" and there is less comparison.

In answer to your main question, I think you're being a bit unreasonable. There isn't much to talk about with young babies except milestones!

Just tell yourself by the time they start school, no one can tell which child rolled/walked/talked/slept through the night/got their first tooth/said mummy first. It really doesn’t matter and a child hitting a milestone is almost never anything to do with how well they’ve been parented!

I have always avoided these conversations. Of course it's important to have a rough idea of what should be happening when to allow you to have an understanding of typical development and where your DC sit on that. But I've always felt sorry for people who are very competitive over their children's development. To me it feels like if you have enough going on in your own life you don't need to compete vicariously through your children.

There's far too much angst about milestones imo, they all get there eventually bar disability or SEN. I have a friend with amazingly gifted children in terms of physical activity, but they all have pretty severe speech issues. My DD on the other hand is advanced in terms of her speech and language but can't ride a bike which my friends same age DC can, and DD was 18 months later to potty train. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, when you first rolled over is unlikely to effect the outcome of your life.

I feel you OP. I have an 8 month old DD and I do think for some parents that maybe these milestones become all encompassing. Particularly if you’re at home on mat leave and it’s your entire focus. So I understand that.
However sometimes there does seem to be an element of competition about it and then I just change the topic. As a pp said some of these milestones have little to do with parenting anyway!
My DD wasn’t bothered with crawling which really worried me when the other babies her age were commandoing about. Anyway she’s just started standing and cruising about so maybe she just bypassed the crawling as not for her. They’re all different, so no point comparing.

This is still going on in my ‘baby group’ and the ‘kids’ all got their A level results yesterday

Some people are insecure competitive about everything. These are the parents who will spend the next 20 years telling you that 'DC is extremely bright' or 'gifted'. It's not a reflection on you or your DC - rather the reverse. Roll your eyes inwardly and let it go.

I’m much like you and didn’t really engage with the obviously competitive stuff. Of course there are limited subjects you can get into with babies/small children, but the overt bragging and superiority prattle isn’t worth the brain power imho.

I think some people just get a bit carried away with pride in their children’s achievements. My theory is that it’s so all encompassing for the first year (at least) that some people need to cling to their child’s progresses to have a sense of achievement that they’ve lost from other areas of their lives such as work or socially.

Sil was like this when DN started walking at 9 months and then babbling etc, because she knew he was ‘advanced’. She stopped when he was 18 months after a call with my sister’s and brother’s kids revealed her child couldn’t eat or speak as well as them. Horses for courses really.

Thanks for the responses. I suppose maybe it's partly my insecurity that I went back to work at 6 months (essential for money but also my sanity) and I wonder if I should have been doing more to promote her development. I also think it must be terrible for kids' self esteem when it's obvious that their achievements are so important to their parents and I don't want to be that way.

It generally stops as they get older and stop hitting milestones but some parents still find things to be competitive with sadly. Think SATS results, Brownies achievements, swimming etc. Depressing beyond all measures, just steer clear.