Friendship problems

[theupsanddownsoflife]

NC as may be outing.

Fully prepared to be hauled over the MN coals for being over sensitive but here goes.

I live in a small village and became friends with three of DD school friends mums. We do things together as families and have had some good times. We're also supposed to be going glamping together next year.

I know that a couple of the kids are closer to each other than they are to my DD and accepted that and hoped all would be ok. Recently though I've found that my DD has been completely excluded from arranged play dates. We've seen the other kids together (small village so hard not to) but she hasn't been invited.

I know friendship can't be forced etc but it's more the lack of any communication about it, considering the mums are supposed to be my friends.

She's sad, I'm sad and I don't know how to react to this.

AIBU to be hurt and angry by this.

There's a lot of posts on MN about people "being excluded" from - in this case 'playdates' (often it is parties). They haven't been 'excluded', it is just that other parents have decided to do a smaller / different thing.

Perfectly normal to say to your child you can have a friend round, without making it into a big things where you end up looking after 4 dc.

YABU to be angry about it.
I suspect the Mums are friendly, because your dc were friendly initially. You've said yourself, a couple of them are closer to each other than they are to your dc. that's fine. Friendships often change over time.

Surely all of us have people we are 'friendly' with, but aware we aren't as close to them as another friend might be?

Is there something else going on that might be heightening this? Are you worried about something? I can understand feeling like this, but I don't think you're being excluded unless they never include you. Personally I'd be happy to meet several friends if we were doing something outdoors, but only allow one friend to be invited over as that seems to be the happy limit at home.

How old are the kids, OP, and where the kids friends before the mums became friends or vice versa?

You need to be encouraging your child to make other friends so she's not so reliant on this small group.

I know that's hard in a village. But hobbies? Any drama groups or sports groups within easy distance? Or church? Anything, really. This has advantages... Your child is busy and distracted; Your child has the opportunity to make other friendships; Your child learns something they enjoy.

Well, what would you like them to communicate, OP? Because ‘Look, X and Y don’t like your Z any more, so I won’t be inviting her around, ok?’ is a difficult one to pull off gracefully, especially if you’re friends.

How old are the children in question? I honestly would never make holiday plans that rely on kids still being friends a year in advance. I’ve seen it go so wrong...

I too was going to ask how on earth they should communicate to you, each time you’re not invited.

X, y and z all meeting up this weekend. Dd not invited. Ttfn

The age of the kids is relevant. At some point, all children decide who they want to play with OP. If their children have specified preferences, then that's to be allowed and accepted.

Groups of Mums making their DC play together won't work after about 5 or 6.