Wwyd re marriage

[tigwig76]

Apologies if this isn't typically aibu. I've been with my dh for several years now. We are or were soul mates. The marriage has been suffering for about 4 years in a close/sexual kind of way. We've battled on for the sake of the kids, the not wanting to end routine of life etc and also we work together in the same place which complicates things even more. It's got to a point now where I'm not sure how much longer I can pretend things are ok and carry on. We both snip at each other from time to time. The eldest child has noticed and commented and I have moments where I feel unloved and miserable (I'm sure he does too)
The other massive complication is my parents paid off our mortgage in full. Our house is worth about £200,000. What would happen financially if we were to split up? My head is all over the place and I dont know where to start or whether I want to or not. Any advice welcomed.

Look for another job
Start saving and getting things in order
You will have to give him half unfortunately but depends on how many children you have
Make a plan

Make an appointment with a solicitor and find out exactly where you would stand financially with regard to the house, child maintenance etc, in the event of a divorce. Otherwise you’re just debating in a vacuum.
If you think the marriage is salvageable, go along with DH to a couples counsellor and start addressing the issues that are making you unhappy. And cast your mind back to recall all the things you used to love about each other. How many are still there, and how many could be rekindled?

Maybe you've been spending too much time in the same place but not spending any time together.

How often do you leave the children (with a safe person of course), and go out for coffee or lunch together? When did you last look at each other and really see one another, without thinking about who left their socks on the floor or didn't empty the dishwasher?

It's so easy to keep going without changing anything, because it is the simplest option. Remember that you fell in love with each other as human beings, not because you couldn't look after the kids/pay the bills/etc alone.

Divorce is the ultimate rejection so be sure before you do it to someone. I'm now married for the second time and it turned out divorce was right to end my first marriage. I've had really tough times with dh2 but when I have the chance to think (challenging with 2 jobs and a toddler!), I know he's the love of my life.

Was the mortgage a loan to you? If so, I assume it would be a debt.

Get another job. Don’t chuck away your marriage before trying a job elsewhere, the change and new people may be just what you need.

Unless you have something legal in place, that protects the money your parents paid, it will be split.

The proportions of the split will depend on lots of factors. Its mo longer a given that the parent who has the kids most keeps the house until the kids are older.

Do you work fulltime, do you have ability to work full time?

Ideally, I would look for job away from him, if you have lots of contact.