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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have secret rage

12 replies

FieryBiscuits14 · 15/08/2019 21:32

I've recently had a quite devastating diagnosis of a serious illness. One that won't get better and will likely end in my being disabled.

I've had to ditch two friends already as one sent a screenshot of me posting about it on SM to another friend. The second friend made some offhand jokes about it and seemed to think I'd laugh along.

I'm trying to get back to normal in work and at home but a big part of me can't quite grasp this is happening to me and I'm terrified it's something my children will end up with (I've been assured they won't but can't help but worry) and that my lovely boyfriend will leave (He assures me he's going nowhere).

I'm early forties and this has pretty much come out of the blue.

AIBU to be finding this a fucking nightmare and will it get better?

OP posts:

MrsMozartMkII · 15/08/2019 21:38

Bloody hell. I'm sorry lass.

People very often say or act in what is the wrong way simply because they don't know the right way.

toria6118 · 15/08/2019 21:47

Wow. Some people just really don’t know how to behave do they? Please do tell me off for being nosey, but I’m curious about your diagnosis. There are lots of support groups for many conditions on social media and internet in general. My partner was diagnosed a couple of years ago with MS. Took him quite a long time to accept it and stop being angry. Knowing that there is no cure, and watching him become very disabled very quickly gives me the rage. I really hope you get a support network and as much help as you need. And as for the friends, bin them, you deserve better

Chocolate35 · 15/08/2019 21:53

It’s normal to react like this (I mean you, not your very bitchy friends). It gets better too. You have to come to terms with it and find what works for you to make your life easier. I’m 35 and have 2 illnesses which are lifelong and affect everything I do. Once you learn how to live with your diagnosis you’ll see that you can still live your life and enjoy things, maybe differently but you’ll enjoy them nevertheless. Keep taking the reassurance from your partner and learn as much as you can about whatever it is you have. Good luck OP.

Original poster

FieryBiscuits14 · 16/08/2019 11:21

Thank you for the understanding replies. They are much appreciated

@toria6118 yep it's MS...

OP posts:

Original poster

FieryBiscuits14 · 16/08/2019 11:22

Thank you @Chocolate35

OP posts:

Teddybear45 · 16/08/2019 11:29

I think with MS it’s important to keep perspective. Yes there are forms of the disease which cause disability but it can be quite slow going to get there. Just ensure you take your medication, maybe insist on a referral to a specialist (or pay for it), and take each day as it comes. I think now might be a good time to book a holiday / review your life to make sure you’re getting the most out of it.

dollydaydream114 · 16/08/2019 11:36

First of all, I'm really sorry you've been diagnosed with MS. Any news like that is bloody hard to come to terms with and I think pretty much everyone in that kind of situation spends a lot of time immediately after the diagnosis running through all the worst case scenarios in their head - this must be a really rotten time for you

Your friends sound like they've been total dicks, and honestly, you're best off rid of them. It's a cliche, but when stuff like this happens you really do find out who your real friends are - my dad got diagnosed a few years ago with a progressive and incurable disabling condition, and there were one or two people he knew who essentially ditched him the moment it became physically apparent.

one sent a screenshot of me posting about it on SM to another friend In what context? Was she doing it to gossip about the news, or to snipe at you for mentioning it at all? Either way - shitty.

lisbonholiday · 16/08/2019 11:44

Im so sorry, you deserve better support OP.

Was it a case of being quite subtle when telling them, but letting loose on social media with detail and emotion? I've had a friend do this and it was mentioned behind her back, we all wondered why she didn't just open up to us instead of all of facebook!

RosaWaiting · 16/08/2019 12:56

What was the screenshot thing about?

tbh OP I can't see a reason to keep friends who can't or won't be sympathetic in this kind of situation. I have had a severe illness/injury which even though temporary, was a key situation in realising who some of my friends were. It was originally thought to be long term and possibly causing permanent damage. There were a couple of people who were in a position to help on a practical level and did nothing, but were constantly asking when I'd be back out socialising.

these are not the sort of friends I want.

Anyone who joked about it would have been binned off right away.

MzHz · 16/08/2019 13:31

How the fuck did they discuss your posting on SM?

Who DOES that???

Sheesh. :(

((((Hug))))

Alwaysgrey · 16/08/2019 13:32

So sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Your friends don’t sound like friends at all. Have you got other friends around you?

Butterfly02 · 16/08/2019 14:16

Its a totally normal reaction to illness. Its a grief process - your grieving for the future you thought you'd have (which is now going to alter in some currently unknown shape or form). If you weren't feeling these thoughts it'd be more worrying.
I became disabled and my whole life changed (lost my career, rely solely on benefits- so a financially different future). Its hard, frustrating and tiring - you will overtime come to terms with this - may help to get support/ counselling - however there will always be an unfairness to ill health.
I lost many friends they only want to know when you're happy / able to do everyday things they want to do. They honestly don't understand and were to ignorant to listen or ask - I mourned loosing many a friend over the last 5 years but know its really their loss not mine.
I also worried (still do) dp would leave me feel I was a burden - he never says I am but his life / future (as well as kids) has changed too - its not felt fair on any of them and I still carry guilt around this.
Re future its early days for you be kind to your self (and those that really do care about you) you can all support each other. Look at practicalities - do you need a blue badge, did you know personal independence payments can be claimed even if earning meaning those extra expenses that come with ill health can be afforded, charities may help if you need say a wheelchair to go out for longer periods if you get tired, work need to be aware so that they can make adjustments if needed.
Best wishes.

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