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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why men take so long...

54 replies

Whiteorchid55 · 15/08/2019 19:48

....in the toilet? Or is it just my OH?

I really don’t understand. I’ve never felt the need to make a big deal of going to the toilet! In and out as quickly as possible as it’s not exactly fun and who wants to sit on a cold hard toilet seat for any longer than necessary?

My OH can’t seem to go to the toilet without taking a Youtube video in with him and being in there for 10+ minutes - I think the record might have been 40! And this was not him having an upset stomach or anything like that!

Is it really that enjoyable to sit on a cold hard toilet seat for long periods at a time?? Does he just want to avoid me? Grin

OP posts:
BobbinThreadbare123 · 15/08/2019 20:40

XH used to do this (assume his OW/present wife has to suffer it still) and it ruined a number of trips out. I'd be basically ready to go, but hold off on socks/shoes or something. He'd go for a lengthy shite and then have a go at me for not being shod, then tell everyone I made us late. Twat.

DH does not do this; he thinks it is unhygienic to take your iPad for a poo.

donquixotedelamancha · 15/08/2019 20:40

2 minutes genuinely using the toilet 15 minutes looking at memes.

Nearly right. It's not memes.

Watchingthyme · 15/08/2019 20:43

Clearly wanking I mean really! You have to ask

cacklingmags · 15/08/2019 20:48

My DH has to shit at the same time every morning, me, I go when I can.

Original poster
Whiteorchid55 · 15/08/2019 20:50

@Watchingthyme. I knew someone would suggest that! I really don’t think that’s the case!

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 15/08/2019 20:51

Clearly wanking I mean really! You have to ask

Aww. You had to spoil it. I was enjoying all the 'how can he finish immediately' stuff.

Yep it's wanking. Every single time.

Watchingthyme · 15/08/2019 20:51

SORRY!!!

Original poster
Whiteorchid55 · 15/08/2019 20:51

@Sayhellotothethings. Yes this is what I mean about making a massive deal of it - not that it’s good to hold things in but come on, sometimes it’s just not the right time!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Whiteorchid55 · 15/08/2019 20:52

@donquixotedelamancha hmmmm every day sometimes 4 times? I would very much doubt it!!

OP posts:
Watchingthyme · 15/08/2019 20:53

And if it’s not wanking it’s looking at someone on Instagram in a bikini fiddling with her boobs, who wants a PM from him,

RottnestFerry · 15/08/2019 20:55

Unless I'm on my own in the house, I'm in and out. No need to delay.

I don't think my wife has had a poo in the ten years we have been married. Not that I have noticed anyway.

blueberrymuffin88 · 15/08/2019 20:56

I have been asking this question OP for the 8 years I've been with my DH!! It absolutely infuriates me and I genuinely have no answer. Even when I'm on my period and have to clean a mess (sorry for tmi) and change a tampon it doesn't take as long as it takes him to do a simple wee. Don't even get me started on his number 2's, we're talking 20mins at best and yet it takes me about 3 mins. I find it boring, there's other things to do and most of the time my 1yr old is demanding my attention so I couldn't linger even if I wanted to. It really is one of life's great mysteries 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ginger1982 · 15/08/2019 20:56

I only tend to take my time if I'm constipated. In the old days, reading the backs of shampoo bottles helped but with MN now I can be there for a wee while 😆

FlamedToACrisp · 15/08/2019 20:57

@IveGotAlpen
My partner says it takes him ages cause he's got a hairy bum

Give him a waxing session!

donquixotedelamancha · 15/08/2019 21:03

hmmmm every day sometimes 4 times? I would very much doubt it!!

Seriously? You think 4 times is a lot? :-)

Skittlenommer · 15/08/2019 21:11

I just asked DH and he said ‘it’s because we’re playing on our phones’! Grin

MoltoAgitato · 15/08/2019 21:13

I think it’s a Male thing due to their pelvic floors being rubbish. Female pelvic floors being more than capable of pushing out a poo on demand, or near enough. My preschooler DS happily takes 20 mins every night between 6 and 7pm, like clockwork, singing away to himself and chatting to anyone who passes by. He’d be right at home in one of those Roman communal shitteries. DH is actually very good and takes a max of a few minutes. The porn thing is also possible.

Chunkers · 15/08/2019 21:23

Is it not just a 2 foot long poop?

Sayhellotothethings · 15/08/2019 21:26

Clearly wanking I mean really! You have to ask

I've had to go in to get something whilst he is taking one of his half hour shits (used to only have 1 bathroom and I can't wait forever, not squeamish so if he insists on taking ages I will just walk in). Most of the time it is just memes. I'm not naive enough to think that sly wanks on the loo don't exist.
Not stupid enough to have a wank on the when it's about to make us late though.
Sometimes I open the door a fraction and let the dog in to sit and watch him poo, just so he feels awkward and hurries up!

BlueCornsihPixie · 15/08/2019 21:35

My DP does this! I think he sits and waits for it to come out

Sometimes sorry if way TMI but I hear him go in then about 5 minutes later I hear the poo sound and I think ffs he's only just begun the process! Then about half an hour later he flushes. Its normally pre shower so he's in the bathroom for a solid 45 mins.

I'm 99% sure it's not wanking, he did it before we lived together, and why would he wank in the bathroom the one evening a week I'm there when he had 6 evenings to wank at will? And he does it after sex.

cheeseislife8 · 15/08/2019 21:41

Pretty sure 99% of the time it's not wanking, as even if his morning poo is directly after morning sex it's the same story. Or mid afternoon then sex that night. He says "you can't rush these things" 😏

Skittlenommer · 15/08/2019 22:01

Agreed it’s not wanking. Me and my DH are very open about such things, no hiding away in the toilet! Grin

SignedUpJust4This · 15/08/2019 22:05

Apparently women push and men just allow things to. Come about 'organically'.

Maybe this is because women are more hurried and harassed on toilet. Generally speaking.

Shefliesonherownwings · 15/08/2019 22:11

This is my DH too. He will go 2 or 3 times a day for 'a try'. Usually involves just sitting on the loo reading sports news on his phone for half an hour. He has the door wide open so I know it's not usually for a wank.

He reads there too, got through a book which contained all the letters JFK had ever written whilst in office, in a few days. It was pretty big. The book that is, not the turd!

redexpat · 15/08/2019 22:32

Since giving birth to dc2 Ive only been able to do man poos.

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