No sex

[Mytupenceworth]

Hi all,

Long time member but rarely post.
I'm looking for advice, I'm happily married to my husband for nearly 20 years. 2 children. In all our time together I've always looked after contraception, at the start of the summer I had to get my coil removed and since then my sex drive has gone through the roof. My husband always had a healthy sex drive but life got in the way kids, shift work tiredness etc so on average we had sex maybe once a week.

Recently though if I suggest it he says he's not in the mood, fair enough I've been there.
We haven't had sex at all in three last six weeks and I miss it. I miss the intimacy the physical act the fun, I miss it all. I've said all of this to him and he said he's got used to a sporadic sex life and just isn't into it at the moment.
I honestly never knew until I got the coil taken out how much it affected my sex drive, now I do!
I asked him was it his way of punishment me for something I didn't realise but he swears he's just not interested.

This morning he had a lie in, I went back to our bedroom to get something and he was having a diy moment. I've never minded him doing this and still don't but why the need when I've literally handed him myself on a plate. I'm hurt, confused and frustrated.
So I guess my aibu is even after talking about his lack of interest should I call him out on his diy this morning?
All advice welcome

My sex drive went through the roof when I had the coil removed too. It's levelled off a bit now that it's been out a while, bit still better than with the coil. My husband couldn't keep up at first.

As for the "DIY moment" sometimes I didn't fancy sex, but DIY. It's just different.

I think you may need to work on intimacy in general, before you get to the bedroom? I know I feel much more in the mood if we've had lots of cuddles and kisses throughout the day.

You can't really call him out on it, he's allowed to wank. However I would also be really hurt in your position.

You could bring it up, but not in a 'I forbid you to wank' way?

What are you doing for contraception? Could the fear of getting you pregnant be scaring him?

For the two times we've had sex since getting three coil out we've used condoms, he's mentioned getting the snip.
I wouldn't say you're not allowed have a wank in fact my battery operated toy is my best friend but I've told him I'm up for it whenever he is.

I feel it's this huge big issue between us and with the kids around all day I can't even talk to him about it.

I might open a bottle tonight and see what happens. Thanks for all your replies so far

Catch him in the morning for his morning wood if you can.

Try asking for a consensual ban on DIY for a few weeks (for both of u) to see if it resets and reignites your sex lives - Worked for us!!!

Good idea!

Is this really a thing - coil removal equates to libido hike. Why did no one tell me this before?

I think it’s the condoms/thought if the snip/chance if pregnancy that’s putting him off

Babymamamama,

It's a very real thing for me anyway and since getting it out I've discovered it does affect your sex drive. I thought it was just life kids work etc that dampened my libido but no since getting it out I feel like a horny teenager!

Honestly, i doubt it was to do with punishing you or not wanting you, sometimes a quick DIY for a guy its just much easier for a quick and easy release than the build up of foreplay and sex with a partner with mutual pleasuring.